For Today’s Mattie Montgomery: “If There’s One Thing I Hope People Think of When They Think of Our Band Forever, it’s Jesus.”

  • Axl Rosenberg

AP has a new interview with Mattie Montgomery regarding For Today’s impending break-up. This is the eighty-seventh saddest break-up this year after Motörhead, Sabbath, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Mötley Crüe, Fight Amp, my uncle Ralph’s Phish cover band, my nephew Joey’s high school band xx, and literally any other eighty bands that have willingly or unwillingly called it quits in the past twelve months. So, naturally, Montgomery has some interesting things to say.

For example:

“If there’s one thing I hope people think of when they think of our band forever, it’s Jesus.”

Wow… how adorable is it that Montgomery thinks people will think of his band forever?

“This is what I know: I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Jesus.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Holy shit, Jesus fucked Montgomery’s mom?” Well, I did some investigating, and the answer is both “yes” and “no”: Montgomery’s mom told him that is real dad is Jesus, and he assumed she meant Christ. But she was actually referring to Jesus de la Huerta, the proprietor of the Montgomery family’s local manure supply shop. Anyone could have made the same mistake.

“I don’t just believe that [Jesus Christ is] alive and he’s powerful, I know it. I’m living proof of it.”

Gonna go out on a limb here and assert that Montgomery does not have a firm understanding of what the word “proof” means.

“Zack [de la Rocha] from Rage Against the Machine can stand on stage and say that he thinks George Bush should be executed as a war criminal and people are like, ‘Yeah, friggin’ sweet! I gotta buy six shirts tonight!’ But when I say I believe Jesus can save you, then suddenly it’s like too much for some reason.”

I’d wager this is, again, because that pesky “proof” thing. There’s proof that George W. Bush committed war crimes, and even if you don’t believe that evidence to be irrefutable, there’s proof that George W. Bush is walking and talking and doing stuff today and is therefore prosecutable. Whereas there isn’t a lot of proof that Jesus can save you. For example, I just threw a rat off a roof and yelled “JESUS, CATCH!”, and the rat went splat! Science is a bitch that way. So remember that every time you tell people “Jesus can do this” or “Jesus can do that” to replace the name ‘Jesus’ with the name ‘Frodo’ and you’ll have a better idea of why people keep looking at you funny.

[via The PRP]

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