Necessary Roughness Week 15: The Loyal We
Following the Giants’ epic dismantling of the Cowboys last week, my Facebook feed was flooded with asinine comments from people who are dismissive of sports and sports culture. I’m sure my feed is a little shittier than average since musician and artist types seem to reflexively hate anything sports related at a far higher rate than the general public. You know the type of status update: “YAY SPORTSBALL,” “SPORTS!” “Hey, did the Giants win today? Couldn’t tell by looking at fb. :/” To all these people I say, fuck off! If you don’t get sports, why are you so compelled to comment? I don’t get the knitting projects you sell on Etsy, or your shitty band, but I respect your right to enjoy them.
The worst type of these comments is anything along the lines of “You didn’t win, the Giants won!” Well… yeah, no shit. I wasn’t out on the field tackling Zeke Elliot. Besides the drunks in Buffalo’s #billsmafia and the GWAR wannabes in Oakland’s Black Hole, no one believes they have a direct impact on what their favorite team does on Sunday. But I reserve the right to refer to the Giants as “we.” I’ve been rooting for those colors longer than anyone on the roster has been there. Sixteenish times a year, I will sit down and glue myself to the TV for hours. Without fans, the team literally wouldn’t exist — same with your favorite bands.
The 1pm games were exciting as hell this week, weren’t they? After such a dramatic victory over the Chiefs, I would love to see Tennessee make a push to take the AFC South. I’ve already mentioned at least once that I think they’re actually pretty good. Definitely more satisfying to watch than either the Colts or the Texans. Despite the loss, the Chiefs are still in a good position to take the #5 spot in the AFC. Is there anything Tyreek Hill can’t do?
Grab the ????, because Tyreek Hill is putting on a show. https://t.co/E585rCpdAx
— Kansas City Chiefs (@Chiefs) December 18, 2016
Black Table played shows in Massachusetts and Rhode Island this weekend, which meant that Mike and I spent Sunday afternoon at a sports bar in Boston. I gotta say, Pats fans, you are even more annoying in real life than I expected. I watched some goomba in a slightly-too-small Tom Brady jersey berate the waitress for not getting the sound up on the game fast enough. I saw five grown adults have a ten minute conversation trying to figure out which was each of their lucky seats at the bar. And they all golf clapped every converted first down, downed punt, third down stop, etc.; these jabronis give exactly 15% of their enthusiasm. I guess that’s what happens when you win your division 14 of the last 16 years. They did it again this year.
.@LG_Blount scores his 15th rushing TD of the season!
That’s a new @Patriots single-season record! #Patriots https://t.co/ndMaUMmFer
— NFL (@NFL) December 18, 2016
The Giants managed to hold off the Lions this week, making the NFC North playoff picture a little muddier in the process. Leave it to the Lions to choke away a gift-wrapped division title. Of course, the Giants’ suffocating defense and surprisingly competent offense didn’t help matters. The Giants have not surrendered a touchdown in two games and change now, and they’ve made a ton of great red zone stops late in games. This bodes well for our playoff chances. Since everyone is gonna see that one-handed Odell grab, how about some love for Victor Cruz? He’s not the same player he was when the Giants won the Super Bowl back in 2011, but he’s still productive when given an opportunity. I personally hope that wasn’t his last game in NY.
Next week I’m looking forward to both Xmas day games and the Lions/Cowboys MNF tilt. Should have a much more complete playoff picture heading into the final week, too. Does it feel like a lot is still up in the air for how late in the season it is? Both conferences have a bunch of teams that could either make a run or implode at any second. Should make for some good matchups!
Fantasy Pimp of the Week
As exciting as the end of the game was, the Packers should have destroyed the Bears and they just didn’t. Holy crap, where did Ty Montgomery come from? 162 yds and 2 TDs on just 16 carries outta NOWHERE.
2 TDs.@TyMontgomery2 is a BEAST.???? https://t.co/nERdLZcmxp
— NFL (@NFL) December 19, 2016
Rob Ryan’s Shit Kickin’ Jam Of The Week
Rob Ryan is the NFL’s resident longhair… for now. Look at that mane! When I feel like I can’t possibly chug another beer, one look at this maniac gives me hope. This is where I’m going to put a track that I like to imagine Rob and Rex drinking beers and smoking weed to every week. The Ryan boys are safe… for now.
Hey, by the way, I made a Spotify playlist for this stupid gimmick. Next time you wanna impress your dad’s best friend with your deep knowledge of ancient riffs, drop this on his head.