Necessary Roughness Week 7: Pour One Out For Poor Joe Thomas
Here’s a screenshot I took last night around 7:30pm as the Giants were dragging out their sixth loss of the season.
Two quick points.
Four of the seven top stories on the NFL app were directly related to injuries. Three of those four had to do with injuries to QBs, and another mentioned the Browns’ supremely messy QB situtation. Instead of Aaron Rodgers, Carson Palmer and Jay Cutler, we’re going to be presumably given the gift of watching Brett Hunley, Drew Stanton and Matt Moore starting for their teams. It’s incredible that teams would rather field Hunley, Stanton, Moore, Bortles (more on him later), Mitch Trubisky and the Cleveland Ghidorah of DeShone Kizer/Cody Kessler/Kevin Hogan without even mentioning Colin Kaepernick as a possible replacement. The fact that I had to google almost all those guys would be funny if it weren’t so anger inducing. I hope Kaep wins his case and we can all point and laugh at NFL management for being a bunch of flag humping meatheads as Jerry Jones and co-write him a big fat check.
While bad QBs playing instead of good ones is a social and political bummer, hearing about the fourth injury on that list of headlines is just a plain old bummer. Joe Thomas has been a top tackle in the NFL his entire career and has languished with the Browns for all of it. He has played 10,363 consecutive snaps since his debut in 2007. I wrote about this last year, but it’s the thing about football that bums me out the hardest. Good players sacrificing their bodies for shitty teams. For ten years Joe Thomas has performed better at his position than almost anyone else in the league and one freak play and it’s potentially all over:
— kalif (@RakibKalif) October 22, 2017
I know there’s nothing to be done about good players getting hurt for bad teams. It’ll always happen, but it will always suck double for those guys. If Aaron Rodgers had to hang it up because of his broken collarbone it would be tragic, but at least the dude has a Super Bowl and has been a contender since he joined the league. Poor Joe Thomas has been on the fucking Browns. The literal shit end of the stick for the entire NFL. OK, enough crying about offensive lineman, who played games this week?
— Chat Sports (@ChatSports) October 22, 2017
Oh, the Giants did! I hoped the defense could hold on, but there’s just no way to not get gassed when your offense only manages 177 total yards. Blake Bortles passed for 282 yards in the first half of his game. If BB is outpacing you, something is going horribly wrong. At least Evan Engram is getting a lot of experience! I think the Seahawks are still weak and the NFC West clearly runs through the Rams. In fact the entire NFC might now run through LA since the Packers are dead in the water without A-A-Ron.
Evan Engram is a matchup nightmare dot gif pic.twitter.com/kXu8mWIv8x
— Reese's & Coffee SZN (@EthanGSN) October 22, 2017
Speaking of the Rams… I’m kind of sorry I’m always writing about them, but they’re just so much fun to watch. I thought this is what the Raiders were going to look like this year. I know Arizona isn’t shit (oh sweet Satan, welcome back to reality, Adrian Peterson), and Carson Palmer went down with a broken arm, but still… 33-0 is absurd. The Rams are having a scoring bonanza this year. Let’s look at their record and comment:
Week 1 – LA 46 – IND – 9
Indy is clown shoes, but 46… who even has time to score that many points?
Week 2 – LA 20 – WAS – 27
I’m telling you shitty Philly fans, you’re gonna get stomped on MNF in front of the whole country.
Week 3 – LA 41 – SF – 39
San Fran isn’t as bad as you think AND this was a Thursday, so anything goes as far as I’m concerned.
Week 4 – LA 35 – DAL – 30
Dallas was a supposed Super Bowl contender, right? The Rams walked all over them. Fuck Dallas.
Week 5 – LA 10 – SEA – 16
OK, division game, always tough and primed for upsets. Seattle got lucky.
Week 6 – LA 27 – JAX – 17
Jacksonville is another shocking powerhouse and the Rams owned them on both sides of the ball all of last week.
— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) October 22, 2017
I’m calling it. The Rams are going to make for a really exciting playoff team and probably flame out in the NFC Conference Championship. Who’s gonna beat ’em? No idea.
What the Atlanta Falcons see in their nightmares. pic.twitter.com/stZzTw5fss
— 247Sports (@247Sports) October 23, 2017
Is Bill Belichick Chaotic Evil or Lawful Evil? I originally thought since he loves to skirt the rules he’s chaotic evil, but after thinking about it a little, I don’t think rule following has to do with lawfulness in this case. If he was truly chaotic, he would be pulling all kinds of off-the-field shenanigans. Unless he somehow conjured the fog onto the field last night, he has done permanent damage to the Falcons and the residents of the city of Atlanta solely through football dominance. The Falcons couldn’t do a damn thing against the worst defense in the NFL.
As much as everyone hates the Pats, it’s impossible not to love Gronk. Here he is having a fun day:
The Gronk Train 🚂 pic.twitter.com/lTlufpBVOz
— NFL Retweet (@NFLRT) October 23, 2017
— NFL (@NFL) October 23, 2017
Gronk Lives to throw people out of the club. pic.twitter.com/u3rW3NqYWJ
— Dave Portnoy (@stoolpresidente) October 23, 2017
Fantasy Pimp of the Week!
This week’s pimp is Amari Cooper! Holy crap! The first Raider receiver to gain 200+ yards since 1965… 210 yards, 2 TDs, the first of which came on a fleaflicker.
— Only 1 Nation (@Only1Nation_) October 20, 2017
I know talking about my own fantasy team is akin to hearing about someone’s dumb baby, but I fucked up and still came out a winner this week. I completely forgot about the Thursday night game and left Alex Smith on my bench while Matt Stafford was on a bye. Luckily, Blake Bortles was playing the Colts and I managed to snag him as a free agent Thursday night and start him this weekend. Who knew Leonard Fournette was out this week? I didn’t! What luck!
Some Random Thoughts
Remember, nothing gold can stay.
Blake Bortles has 282 passing yards and it's the first half.
As I was typing this, he fumbled and the Colts recovered.
— Doug Farrar (@BR_DougFarrar) October 22, 2017
Look at the top five scoring teams through week 7:
Anyone left in their suicide pool? I’m glad I didn’t join one this year. I always try to outsmart everyone and end up bouncing myself in week four for thinking the Browns can finally sneak one out over the Steelers or some other dumb shit like that.
I’d like to reiterate that the Eagles are about to get shitstomped by the Washinton Washintons on MNF. I might head down to LI and enjoy the game with my dad since the Giants have been nothing but a source of misery for us. I like Kirk Cousins and I hope he gets paid a trillion dollars by the 49ers next season.
No Scorigami this week, but this one only happened six previous times! Pretty rare!
DAL 40 – 10 SF
No Scorigami. That score has happened 6 times before, most recently on November 28, 2013.
— Scorigami (@NFL_Scorigami) October 22, 2017
Song For Giants Fans
This week’s song is “Over Now” by Alice In Chains. It was over like three weeks ago, but it’s REALLY over now. I picked the unplugged version because I’m afraid if anyone on the Giants heard an electric guitar it might overwhelm them and shatter their skull. I can’t have that kind of blood on my hands.