Necessary Roughness 2019, Week 1: Football Season Begins!
I didn’t get to watch nearly as much football as I intended to this week because I had to head down to Long Island on Sunday to catch my good buddies in Mörglbl perform. Their set was life affirming. The SNF game on in the background was not.
Even if you don’t get to sit down and watch 14 hours of the NFL on Sunday and Monday, it always has a way of dominating your leisure time the other five days of the week. Between all the sports blogs/sites I read, the YouTube channels I watch and the group texts I’m in with family and friends, I believe I spent more time thinking about Antonio Brown than I did about the new tour van I bought this week. What’s even more bizarre was how psyched I’ve been all week to get the season started and dump hundreds of hours of my life into my TV while I eat and drink.
No one needs or even wants my Antonio Brown takes, but I’m gonna give them anyway. He played everyone involved in this saga like a fiddle. The Steelers wouldn’t trade him to the Patriots so he engineered a way to get there. I would feel bad for the Raiders and their fans if they weren’t such a clown car who brought a decent amount of this on themselves. Following his trade to them, if they had been able to prove to him that they were a good team/organization, he would’ve had a way harder time flushing $30 million down the toilet. As for the mouth breathers screaming that this was all a conspiracy and the Patriots tampered? Yeah. Duh. Who’s gonna do anything about it?
Patriots 33 – Steelers 3: AB wasn’t eligible to play last night, but that didn’t prevent the Pats from absolutely pantsing the Steelers. While my French friends were reaffirming my faith in instrumental jazz rock (is that a good label for Mörglbl? I dunno.) this drubbing was on in the background. Josh Gordon looked like he was supposed to last year, Phillip Dorset (who I thought was gonna be a beast sooner or later in Indy) had a career game and somehow Tom Brady looked… younger than last year. He was slinging the ball really efficiently and his toy chest only gets the greatest toy in the league next week. No one can stop them. Except…
Cowboys 35 – Giants 17: 3li, baby! Both times the G-men took out the Pats in the Super Bowl, they started their season with a shitty loss to a division rival. Check it out:
The prophecy shall be fulfilled.
In all honesty, this is gonna be a long year for us. The offseason was brutal as shit… OBJ, Collins, Vernon: all jettisoned. We picked an Eli clone at number six for no reason whatsoever. Gettleman fucking blows – the only improvements have been to the o-line and it shows. The defense is absolute trash. and I’m going to watch it for 17 straight weeks. Blech.
COVER THE FUCKING TIGHT ENDS YOU SHIT FOR BRAINS ASSHOLES
Packers 10 – Bears 3: This was a rough one to watch. I want the Bears to be good. Their defense was so much fun to watch last year, but maybe the Mitch-haters are right and he sucks! This was the only good part of the entire game:
I hope Vernon Davis is ok after leaving on crutches after this insane TD:
I fucking love watching that dude. It’s a shame he’ll get treatment from Dr. Nick and the rest of the Washington medical staff…
Big Dick Nick is out for the season after breaking his collar bone… Poor bastard, talk about adding insult to injury after signing with the Jags. The only good thing to come of this was having the studio give an injury update during the Browns game by playing the clip for Tony Romo and reminding him of his own horrible career-ending injuries.
I know the Dolphins are actually puke, but holy fuck, did the Ravens put the rest of the AFC North on notice. They’re supposed to be a slow, grindy running offense and Lamar Jackson comes out and drops FIVE TD PASSES.
Speaking of the ‘Fins, did anyone besides Nick Foles get a worse deal than Josh Rosen? I wish the Giants would’ve at least TRIED to trade for the dude to see what he’s got. Now they’re stripped of their best lineman and receiver. He came in and ate shit during mop up duty for Fitzmagic. That’s an indignity no one should face.
That’s it for this week. How did you team do? Is your life going to be as horrible as mine this season?
The Number Twelve Looks Like You has an album called “Wild Gods” coming out Sept 20. It’d be real swell if you bought it, or streamed it or did whatever you wanted with it. We’re also hitting the road with Godmother and Pound. Get in touch with me if you wanna play Magic or watch football at any of these dates:
10/1 Brookyln, Kingsland https://bit.ly/2XPKnC8
10/2 Long Island, NY AMH http://bit.ly/2NU6enp
10/3 Somerville, MA ONCE https://bit.ly/30wSBMj
10/4 Buffalo, NY Rec Room https://aftr.dk/2XDdetb
10/5 Montreal, QC Bar Le Ritz PDB https://bit.ly/2XHPxQt
10/6 Toronto, ON Sneaky Dees http://bit.ly/2XGiG9X
10/8 London, ON Call the office http://bit.ly/2JsHwWW
10/9 Lansing, MI Macs Bar https://bit.ly/30FkEJH
10/10 Berwyn, IL Wire https://bit.ly/2xOfVZz
10/11 Indianapolis, IN Citadel https://bit.ly/2XKV1tU
10/12 Columbus, OH Big Room Bar https://bit.ly/30vR3Cc
10/13 Pittsburgh, PA Smiling Moose https://bit.ly/2JMgbOx
10/15 Baltimore, MD Ottobar https://bit.ly/2XSqrcS
10/16 Richmond, VA Canal Club https://bit.ly/2XNf7il
10/17 Philadelphia, PA Voltage Lounge https://bit.ly/2JMoWrx
10/18 Teaneck, NJ Debonair Music Hall https://tixfast.com/number12