You’re a real cold-hearted, evil baddy bad if this video doesn’t force a smile and a tear out of you.

Ulrich reads a book called The Dinosaur That Pooped Christmas.

Increasing in level of difficulty as the video goes on, Clan Moore listens to Blind Guardian, Metallica, Amon Amarth, Skeletonwitch and Meshuggah and takes a crack at the lyrics of each.

“Granted, I’m a hopeless Metallica fan. I will always and forever listen to anything they put out, and while I won’t always love it (LULU is mind bogglingly awful), they are The Beatles/Led Zeppelin of my life.”

For Whom the Bell & Evans Tolls.

Watch this video to find out!

“We hadn’t heard of Crowbar or seen the album, and it was kind of a surprise to us.”

“If anything happens that I’m not okay with, I’m going to be super vocal about it for the first time in my life.”

Or, “That Time Dave Mustaine Was Right About Something.”

Maybe they should change their name to “Menschtallica.”

A Load shirt? Ugh!

Other acts include Amon Amarth, Gojira, The Dillinger Escape Plan, and Suicide Silence.

It would probably sound like this.

And it might have sold even better if it had had “Unforgiven IV” on it.

Bet the make-up sex was great, though.

“Per article 12, section seven, sub-section 18A, we are so fucked.”

T-minus two minutes to self-destruct.

Five of the most visible metal personalities in the world get together in one room!!!

Holy fuck Metallica are so popular.