FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN PROTEST THE HERO’S GALLOP MEETS THE EARTH LIVE CD/DVD + T-SHIRT!
Thursday, September 3rd, 2009 at 6:11pm by Vince Neilstein
Congrats to longtime MS reader “groverXIII” for winning last week’s funny photo caption contest. GroverXIII wins a signed copy of Bigelf’s Cheat the Gallows and a t-shirt from their recent stint on the Progressive Nation tour. Grover actually submitted two entries that deserved the win, so I’ll just go ahead and post both:
“Jeff was worried that they wouldn’t let him bring his girlfriend to the Gathering because she was black.”
“Sparky realized that, even though he occasionally ate his own poop, he was still smarter than the people that surrounded him.”
Nicely done, Grover. “(required)” also gets a nod for this funny caption: “Epic Failgaiting,” which definitely made me chuckle.
This week we’re giving away three prize packages, each with a copy of Protest the Hero’s brand new live DVD/CD Gallop Meets the Earth, out September 15th, and a matching limited edition t-shirt (pictured here). That, my friends, is a great fucking haul for simply typing in a silly one-liner below. So get to it! This’ll be the last of our Gathering of the Juggalos ‘09 picture series, and next week we’ll move on to bigger and better things.
Reeses cups $1.00
Bottled water $1.00
Inbreeding………………….Priceless.
Hahaha I like this one.
that was literally my first thought.
Same here haha
hahaha give him the win!
Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt you seriously need to take your ass back to work!
P.S. If you win your giving me the prize.
Thats your brother and your dad
Your Caught!
Hillbilly entrepreneurship at its finest.
Mingus and Dingus try and lure young juggalos into their tent with the promise of candy and water in a sad attempt to find friends to play hide the salami with them.
Every Juggalo knows Reese’s Cup is code for anal sex and bottled water is code for a blowjob. Why anal sex and a blow job cost the same amount of money we’ll never know.
Because for most Juggalos, you can’t tell one hole from the other.
BOOSH
Hahahaha…
“Jimbo, this dick tastes like shit!”
“Yeah, he opted for the buy one, get one free special.”
Damn grover you just never cease to bring that flame do ya. I know real talent when I see and you my friend got it in spades!!! You really could go far, don’t stop believin’
JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL
LIVIN IN A LOOOOONELY WOOORLD
Even by paying for something at a juggalo event doesn’t guarantee that you’ll receive it.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! FUCKIN’ NICE!!
This establishment would never pass a JuggalOSHA inspection.
winner
Sooooo… How much for a blowjob?
is that Joe Hardcore from shattered realm at the gathering??….
there’s nothing hardcore about that Joe
“Jimbo, you misspelled ‘Feces’”
Heh… simple, but effective. I like it.
I just spent 2 minutes repeating Feces Cups over and over and laughing my ass off.
I’m glad I’m not the only one.
The best, hands down! I can’t stop laughing.
Hilarious. My hat is off to you, sir.
Chuck and Larry decided to get creative to try to fund their honeymoon on Fire Island.
(Thanks for the love, folks… This one may be a little tougher, but I’m quite interested in the prize here. Good luck to everyone!)
Oh fingers crossed. Fingers crossed!!! I’m pulling for you buddy, because you and me were meant to be.
That’s not creepy at all…
as cletus and rusty ray realized they wernt at the county fair’s designated snack area they decided to set up shop regardless to make a honest buck
“I hope we have enough bottled water, Rubin, I mean, you know how hard it was to come across this brown construction paper…”
BREAKING NEWS: CDC reveals source of Swine Flu outbreak – buying snacks and water from PIGFUCKERS!
i don’t believe that’s a scientifically accurate statement.
Son… I just shit my pants.
Which is worse… The fact that juggalos get to unite to hang out on a large-scale basis or that a supposedly metal website is giving out Protest the Hero prizes?
Should I assume you’ve never listened to Protest The Hero, then?
Oh, I’ve listened to them. They’re fucking awful. They sound metalcore and their singer sounds like an emo who just got done cutting himse.
Well, that’s like, your opinion, man.
Totally.
Sorry I’m replying to this comment, but I can’t seem to reply to your latest. yes, I am judging them off 10 minutes of music. 10 minutes of awful, earache inducing music. Honestly, when someone posts a scene band to make fun of, can’t you tell within the first 30 seconds whether its shit or not? same thing here, i just knew after a few songs I didn’t like them.
That aside, topping lists doesn’t mean shit, unfortunately. Metalsucks, frankly, has large bits of suck. Axl, for instance, pisses me off with all the IWABO and deathcore posts. I just don’t really trust this site that much. As for other sites, I don’t really listen to other people’s opinions of how good a band is… I go with my own. I’m about the only kid i know that listens to both SpermSwamp and Say Anything. I look on websites like this for news, not so much the opinions. The occasional contest is also really cool.
All-in-all, I probably overstated how bad Protest the Hero are. Except for the vocals, those make me want to castrate anything and everything I encounter. The music itself isn’t a total fail, its just not as interesting as it could be. Hell, give it a year or two and they might produce a record that really smacks me in the face… But until then, no.
Don’t forget; they’re total douche bags.
Are they? Do they look like punk scene kids or are they just assholes? I don’t care about them enough to go look it up haha.
The first time I ever heard Protest the Hero was when my core buddy told me they were the coolest band ever and i had to listen to them. That dude is cool, but his musical taste is shit, and protest the hero is no eception.
If Protest the Hero isn’t metal i guess I don’t know what metal is. Also I assume you based your judgement off of the first 30 seconds of vocals and ignored the instruments completely.
The instruments are totally boring. The vocals, to quote Napalm Death, are just the Icing on the Hate.
Its funny because iTunes says they’re influenced by “progressive metal” but it’s more like they WANT to be progressive metal.
Go trash Protest elsewhere. There is no room for your ignorance here.
What’s funny is that you’re calling an opinion ignorant…. You see, if I had never listened to Protest the Hero, then yes, it would be ignorant. But seeing as I have put up with their bullshit “songwriting” for about 10 minutes of my entire life, it’s a decently educated opinion.
When you’re less of an inane douchebag and have better musical taste, I might consider replying to you again… But until then, eat shit and die.
So you’re judging them on 10 minutes of their music?
They did top a lot of ‘Best of 2008′ lists, here and elsewhere. I dig ‘em, even though their vocals border on ridiculous sometimes.
Never trust anything Apple says, they claim Macs don’t freeze up and have issues, they claim there are no Mac viruses…well, I’m here to tell you that is a load of shit. I’ve had nothing but problems with my Mac since day one. So, if iTunes tells you the sky is blue you should probably go check for yourself but they’re no doubt lying.
by iTunes review I meant the people submitting band reviews. And either way, that doesnt change the fact that i actually listened to the music and thought it was shit.
These guys are a couple of banjos short of a Burt Reynolds movie.
I was definitely going to throw in a Deliverance reference. Looks like you may have beat me to it :(
It’s hard to work with your boss watching over your shoulder, whether you’re an office drone or a male prostitute specializing in Juggalos.
Reese’s Cups and bottled water. The cornerstone of any Juggalo’s breakfast.
pfft…fail. Everyone knows cheeseburgers and Faygo are the cornerstones of every juggalo meal.
and u know this how?
Hey lookee loo we got us a legit bid’nizz photo now. Alls we need now is a fancy’ fountain in front an’ we’ll be in a forchewn 500rnt companee by tomorry!
Unfortunately, the remainders of the beer case couldn’t quite accommodate the key Hot Pockets marketing pitch these fine brothers/cousins had all lined up.
“The Reeses Cups are $1.00, Bottled Water is $1.00, but the rape is free.”
In the wake of the recession, juggalos’ around the country unite in southern Mississippi to form a modern day shanty town. Two such juggalos, Scooter and Jed-Carter (above), test the entrepreneurial waters with their Reese’s Cups and Water bottle stand. “Times is hard” said Scooter, “but everybody like Reese’s cups and waters… right?”
At lest they speled water write!
Its a shame how the Great Milenko has reduced to selling his warez for a dollar. It’s all about the Washingtons, baby!
Having a gene pool the size of a bird bath? Priceless.
There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s your sister’s cooch.
+1
Inbred Quarantine In Alabama: Gay married couple Tim McNeil and Tim McNeil Jr. struggle for survival.
“we love mommah, but all that there creepin into our haylf of the trailer at night’s gotta stawp. that’s wah we’re fixin to raise some money to pay one of our juggalo brothers to take her off our hands (y’know sexually ‘n’ such). this way, she won’t be touchin’ out tinks… but we’s still keep it in the family!”
Enus and Jack were wondering why no young male jugglaos were falling for their “cheap reese’s and water” ploy when it finally hit them…they forget the Faygo.
*forgot
Text on the flip side of cardboard sign: Will reenact scenes from Deliverance for food/faygo soda
We need like some name tags with our picture on it, all laminated and what not. I mean, we gotta look legit man.
lol.
Haven’t seen that movie in so long. I laughed the whole way through first time I saw it.
I hated it the first time I saw it, the second time I laughed my ass off.
I was high the first time I saw it and I laughed. Watched it later, not high, and hated it.
there not selling anything…..
“Alright, see, when we get a customer, you take ‘em back towards the tent like yer gonna give ‘em the merchandise. Meanwhiles, I sneak up behind ‘em and brain ‘em wif a pipe. Then, we stuff ‘em in the trunk, take ‘em back to our shack, and bring out The Gimp.”
Uh oh I’m begining to feel like maybe some of your gift is being phoned in. You’re starting to slip man. Step up your game.
I reiterate, i think you should be worried grover.
Yeah, I am worried… I don’t think he loves me after all. I feel disillusioned.
Two charming young lads making meth money for when they get home.
ICP without their make-up
System of a Down Syndrome’s biggest fans.
Son shows to Dad how good he is at running the family business
handjob: $5.00
“We had a kick-ass sign covered with clowns and gold stars but we sold it for a twinkie.”
WIN. This guy knows the mind of a juggalo.
Now out of Dimmu, I.C.S. Vortex and Mustis are degrading themselves a little less with their current job.
“You mean Reese’s cups iz candy!? I thought we got to see your sisters tits.”
LOL! winner
“Hopefully we can raise enough funds to buy some birth control pills.”
Virginity – Free, what no takers?
Meanwhile, the boss back at Piggly Wiggly is trying to figure out what happened to the Reece Cup and Bottled Water display he had trustingly put in the hands of Jimbo to build.
“Reece Cup”?
Fail. Again.
Yeah. Failure is my comfort zone.
Our propitious and warm smiles-Free.
“wow! what a steal! bottle waher for only a dollar!”
Wow, his shirt says “quarantine”….who woulda thought? I knew it was a toxic area…but damn
The Gulf Coast prepares for the next ‘big one’
Because you just can’t deal drugs with glasses.
Yeah, idk, I’m new. :P
Obviously they both failed as male prostitutes.
“Damn, honey, I only got two bucks, and they want $100,100 for both!”
The food found at the ‘gathering of the juggalos’ is far cheaper than at most other shows. However you run the risk of consuming bodily fluids.
Bubba Jim and Joe have their best sales weekend ever at the Gathering of the Juggalos.
Axl and Vince at their day-job!
The co-joined down syndrome babies from Exodus’ Bonded In Blood album cover are all grown up!
By
FAIL.
Two sad, sad Juggalos just wanted to find out what someone would look like who would buy Reese’s from them.
Dude… that guy is supposed to be IN QUARANTINE!
Reese’s Cup’s $1.00
Bottled Water $1.00
Not being the only toothless Juggalo’s Priceless
“We’ve also got some homecooked meth. It’s in the red tent, help yourself. Just ignore all the naked fat guys in clown paint. Unless you feel like joining in after you hit the meth.”
Sloth ate all the Baby Ruths and all that was left were Goddamned Reese’s Cups. Sean Austin was pissed.
After burning the office down, Milton returns skinnier than ever with Doug from Accounting in this laugh-out-loud sequel!
Upon realizing they could only get 25 cents or Alabama food stamps for their tickets these would be scalpers decide to go with a much classier product. Tune in tomorrow as we find out whether they earned enough gas money for the trip home or killed themselves after witnessing tonight’s evenings main event.
whoops- scratch the word evenings. bad edit
“Boy, I tell you what, man, I’ll tell you the dang ol’ truth, man, buy some dang ol’ Reese’s cups, I tell you what, man, you’ll have to fight them dang ol’ sixteen year-old juggalettes off with a stick.”
Thanks for the advice, Boomhauer.
“Welcome to Alabama’s Dignity Village, where the secret ingredient sure ain’t peanut butter.”
Dignity has long since eluded the grasp of Beau and Floyd’s customers, but on the bright side, atleast they’re getting a $2 dinner at the gathering…ahhhh, the comforts of home.
Which one’s Reese?
Wow, Play-It-Again Sports look really different south of the Mason-Dixon line…
oh man, i didn’t realize quasimodo was a juggalo…my whole childhood is a lie…
It’s good to see Dave and Kerry can at least come together over something.
Denny, we are gonna make a fucking FORTUNE!
Haha fuck I dunno why this was so funny, but I loved it
Even retards go to the gathering to feel smart and look good doing it.
Hey Cletus, tell ‘um ’bout da time you was jerkin’ me off and we was so drunk you couldn’t cum, so you jus’ pissed all over my face
This time, there’s no Beavis. Just two butt-heads.
“Hey man, I heard dat e’rybody’s always complainin’ bout de high prices of water ‘n shit at fuckin shows man. We’s gon be like pioneers or some shit with this hookup.”
YO FUCKERS I DONT RLY FUCKIN APRESHIATE ALL DA PICTRUES FRUM DA ABOUT US JUGGALOPES SUMBODY NEED GIVE U ALL A FUCKIN LESSIN IN JUGGALESE OR SUM SHIT ONE DOLLER 4 FUCKIN WATER N RESSES IS A FUCKIN DEAL IN DA RUFF FUCKIN ECOMONY CUZ US JUGGABOS NO HOW TO TREET EACH OTHA RITE N SHIT U ALL JUS JELOS U CANT GET CANDY N DRINKS N SHIT FOR DAT CHEEP OF A PRICE N SHIT FUCK U ALL R JUS GAY N WEN I NEEDA PICK UP A FUCKIN ATHLETIC SUPROTER I GET DEM FRUM REESE CUZ HIS CUPS R ALL USED BUT DEY R LIKE BRAN FUCKIN NEW OKAY FUCKER?
Lol? WTF is this?
Is this Spanish or something???
You didn’t think mine was very funny but your think this is?! Um, okay, just makes you sound like a supporter of “the cause.” But then, about halfway through, you changed tone, in which case it’s not even funny as a rant in favor OF ICP. Just shows you have no follow through.
“C’mon, mister! Just two dollars so we can go back and join the sheep orgy!”
Hey Joe, do you think it was a good Idea to sell the “special reeses” right next to communal bathroom.
or
I knew it wasn’t a good Idea to blow all our money on that Jeff Foxworthy Beltbuckle
the price of a ticket to the tim mcgraw concert
hee- haw!!!
Sodomy – $3.50 -free for kin
OR
Hey Jeb.
Yeah little brother?
Is momma on the rag again?
Don’t rightly know, why you ask?
Cause your dick tasted really funny this morning.
These hard economic times get the most out of people. Twiztid has to make a buck or two to keep up with their extravagant lifestyle of random “reach arounds” and Faygo Pop.
Resses Cup: $1.00, Bottled Water: $1:00, Toothless manly blowjob: Priceless.
It’s nice to see that some of the members of Limp Bizkit aren’t dead. Yet.
Lookin’ for a tent b4 sundown…we’re reallllll cuddley!
Retarded Eminem and Retarded John Hein Bababooey Bababoeey Bababooey!
“Pantera is the bestest metal band ever!”
Had to say it with all the Pantera/redneck/inbred/whathaveyou bashing lately -_-
For Sale: Two 100% cotton, pre-shrunk walmart T’s.
Slighlty used, slightly salty.. Totally authentic!
William and Julian, ever the entrepreneurial wunderkinds, rather than viewing the lack of restroom facilities as detrimental, used their knack for marketing to post their most profitable quarter yet.
(Juggatards bought their pee and poo! Gnarly! That’s so kvlt!)
All beverages come with complimentary sodomy
Two Guys, Reese’s Cups.
This, my friends, is the heavy metal black market at its finest.
Don’t let down syndrome spoil your dreams of selling bottled water
For the first time in history, ICP have decided to take off the face paint to tell all Juggalos about their new double-album, “Reese’s Cups and Bottled Water”!!
I will ask again! Wtf is Juggalo???? I am serious!! I am from Europa and don’t know this word…Anyway they look like rednecks ( all of them)
A Juggalo is basically an idiot… by association…
Thanks :)
The refreshment stands at this year’s Download Festival were a vast improvement over the previous year.
The surviving members of Mayhem raise money for their next tour of Iceland.
“Collect all 2 sale items and you get to sleep between us in the tint. We’ve got beef jerky and lady’s underwear ads in there…if you catch my drift.”
that should be “tent.”
“Just send for our free DVD and you too can be making thousands a day working from home”
the Brothers, Feminem and Kid Kock, will do anything to get their next rape fix. Especially offering candy.
It’s nice to see a retarded entrepreneur
As Ron White would say “Things that make you go, UGGGHHHH!!!”
Two retards look around and think “We cuh make some money off deez id uts”
“Reese’s Cups” and “Bottled Water” were the last two male escorts remaining at the male juggalo ho camp, they were also the most expensive.
Obviously Reese’s Cups is the guy on the left, and Bottled Water is the guy on the right. But why are they so expensive I havnen’t a fucking clue.
The two top candidates for Billy Mays’ open spot.
Despite the truly noble fundraising attempt, the bastard son of Dustin Rhodes and Jimmy Durante was not released from the quarantine imposed on him by Dr. Kevorkian.
redneck inflation.
Rudy wasn’t about to let that pesky quarantine mandate keep him from infecting as many bitches as possible.
even larry the cable guy and jeff foxworthy have been hit by this recession……
in today’s economy, juggalos are no longer confined to their trailer parks – “tent parks” have been springing up throughout rural america and in rebellion are neglecting simple, healthy diet plans provided to most kindergarten students.
“deys cheap cuz we got them special homemade poo poo butter cups, ull need the water to wash em down tho”
“Well, you have two options. Either you drink the water or Reese drinks the water and fills up a cup for you.
BBBBAAAAABBBBBYYYYYYRUUUUUTTTTTTHHHHHHHH!!!!!
What, no BBBBAAAABBBBBYYYYYRRRRRUUUUTTTTTHHHHHH???
They serve only the finest at the Juggalo health club.
“Hey, I heard you guys give hand jobs? Well go wash your hands and get me a Reese’s Cup and a bottle of water.”
It used to say “Will work for Reese’s cups, bottled water, and dollars” but they realized they were too lazy to work so they rewrote the sign in hopes to get it for free.
“If your buy more than $5 worth, I’ll let you butt-bang Leroy here for free.”
A Juggalo that can count to 5? At the gathering they might consider him a witch.
When bags of lollies became too stereotypical, Chester the child molester found a new type of bait…
Obviously these two don’t know, if you want to score with a Juggalette you need meth and heroine.
Question: So we buy these gas station Reese’s cups for $1.29, then resell them for a dollar. How are we making money?
Answer: Volume!
When the recession hit, it was left to Warren and Merle to implement some more effective, contemporary marketing techniques in order to keep the fammily business afloat.
I knows we wrote the price somewhere?
There are a lot of people correcting mistakes in there entries, which makes them totally unfunny.
*their
Nicely done sir. I don’t even care that it had nothing to do with the photo, I’d give you the prize for that.
“Hey Jim, whats this here machine they pointing at us?”
Hi, I’m Darryl and this is my brother, Darryl.
Hands down my favorite line ever
agreed
This is actually ICP without the make-up on.
ICP’s fanbase consists mostly of rednecks born in incest and with fetal alcohol syndrome.
“Not even the low prices and bonus items could increase sales at the Igor and Elephant Man’s ‘Juggalo Kissing Booth’.”
“Now listen son, it’s not rape if you shout ’surprise’…”
“Goddamn it… for a minute there i thought ICP were No.1 on the list…”
Reese’s cups: $1.00
bottled water: $1.00
Inbreeding: first cum, first served.
no refunds.
Jim Bob leans over towards Ernie and whispers “Hey man you still got that butt plug?”
Fred Durst and DJ Lethal’s side project. What we don’t know is that the water is actually hot dog flavored and the Reese’s Cups are chocolate starfish.
Cletus and Billy Bubba Bo Bob didn’t let the lack of a van stop their dreams of molestation. Unfortunalely for them, they didn’t realize that you’re supposed to offer the candy for free, and thus their dreams managed to never come to fruition.
Darn dis da smartist thang we done ever did Cus, darn tootin dis gonza make us the riches ones in the park when we gets home aint that right Pa? Is Ma done with her customer so I can put back up the other sign again? No when ur sister done gets out ull know ok Boy.
These were the smartest people we could find at the gathering…
“Reese’s and bottled water are one dollar, but hugs are free!”
I don’t even care for the prize- not too into protest the hero i just hope this’ll get a good chuckle out of you guys.
it didnt
“No one will smoke weed with us, so were selling all our rations for a dime bag.”
H1N1 Vaccination Funding
——————————————
Thinking back, Nathaniel and Uncle Jim could have used their state
fair snack earnings for a new set of truck nuts and now regret
spending that Saturday magical night in the pig barn.
Joe Dirt: So your gonna tell me that you don’t have no snickers, baby ruths, or kit-kats?
Scooter: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no whatchamacallits, m&ms, reese’s pieces, mr. goodbars, or york peppermint patties?
Scooter: No, I don’t.
Joe Dirt: You’re gonna stand there, owning a candy stand, and tell me you don’t have no almond joys, s’mores, mounds, krackles, crunches, butterfingers, hershey bars, twix, mars bars, 100 grands, abba zabas, or charlseton chews?
Scooter: No… because reese’s cups and waters are the only ones I like.
Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it’s not what you like, it’s the consuuumer.
Reese’s Cups $1.00
Bottled Water $1.00
Having a child with my sister Priceless
“Me an’ Quawantine was waitin’ out here all night! We needs 3 dollers more to get our helicoptermajig ride!”
Ironincally enough, those reeses cups and water tasted a lot like faygo.
The boys are on the new Walmart Suplemental Income plan.
Or even better:
In an attempt to pad their meager Walmart paychecks, Juggalo diehards, Bubba and Cletus go into business for themselves.
I can’t see how that was “even better”…maybe “not quite as bad” would’ve been a better description.
Well, considering some of the other fair, up top, yeah, I think mine is far better.
What happened “ipc4me”? You’ve suddenly begun to use lowercase letters and proper punctuation. I am very disappointed.
FUCK SUM1 HAKED MY CUMPUTOR N STOLED MY ACOUNTT OR SUM SHIT CANT FUCKIN GO NE WEAR N LEEVE UR DOOR UNLOCKD OR NUTHIN FUCKIN GAY SHIT FUCKERS ALWAYZ BRAKIN IN2 MY TRALER
What happens in the back woods of Georgia………. Stays in the back woods of Georgia!
When the hills have eyes 3!?
The hills have eyes 3!?
There needs to be some kind of qualifying exam to participate in these contests, some of these responses are just pathetic.
wat
Now we know where Sloth goes when he breaks his chains and the other Goonies aren’t around.
Dude. Should I call the doctors?……………… I’ve had this boner for more then 4 hours.
I’ma familiaritize my prostations with the connectitude of your reproduction organs!
Pictured: Vince Neilstein III and Axl Rosenberg (of the Hampshire Rosenbergs)
Quote: Vince: Hey ya’ll, web hosting costs is powerful ’spensive! Help us out!
Axl: Most of these Reeses’ Cups don’t have semen in them!
Welcome to our wonderful world as hillbillies….Everything is only $1.00
Bottled water- $1.00
Recess pieces- $1.00
My Daughter- $1.00
My wife- $1.00
Zeb hopefully we’ll catch a couple files in the spiderweb
The two people who inspired Mike Judge to make a new Beavis and Butt-Head project.
Where’d mah banjo get to bohy, sorry pa i sold it for a dollar but its ok cause after I bought back the reeses cup he bought earlier. Good work son doin jus what I taught ya. Is Ma still busy back there? She probably aint shes a hard worker so shes goin for overtime pay, they call that time and a half boy. Dang Pa I hope to be as smart as you one day.