HORSE THE BLOG (PART 4): LORD GOLD SAW YA TILT
Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 5:30pm by Vince Neilstein
[Horse the Band are currently on tour supporting their new album Desperate Living. Keyboardist Lord Gold (his mommy calls him Erik) is recording their current road trek for posterity in this here MetalSucks blog. Entry 4 follows (read Entry 1, Entry 2 {complete with wild coke party w/ IWABO} and Entry 3). -Ed.]
Two women walked beleagueredly into Denny’s Restaurant after a night of drinking after work, planned one week in advance. They were wearing luxurious, flowing black clothing and black high heels. The high heels were warping severely. Upon closer examination the straps were ripping and frayed. The women’s heel skin was split red and white, crackling over the edge of the platform.
A woman began the process of sitting down. She lowered herself gracefully with one arm leaning heavily against the bowing table and one arm on the back of the booth seat. Her sinews tightened under her supple skin, her bag hanging on her forearm fell to her wrist. She lowered herself about one third of the distance, then completed her entry by letting her body freefall into the booth. The vinyl-covered padding ballooned ever so slightly and then gave way, enveloping her with a muffled whoosh. The whole row of booths tremored slightly. It was a perfect landing.
The woman took on a facial expression and posture that seemed to say “what” and organized her things. Her bra strap was transparent plastic so that you could not see it and also heavy-duty. It was cutting into her skin just to the side of her flowing garment. She began to make noises while looking at her companion. They were communicating their emotions and beliefs in English and using a great deal of profanity. They agreed with each other and confirmed each other’s ideas and points of view in every case. It was confirmed that Mia was a “bitch”. The first woman was so mad that she said “I am so mad” 14 times. After some time the first woman remembered that some years earlier she had given birth to a child, and discussed him.
Now the conversation had subsided. The first woman had begun a repetitive behavior in which she would place a “Moons over Mi-ham-i” sandwich into her mouth and then bite it. A piece came off and she smashed it up in her mouth and let it fall into her. During this time she was also shifting her weight slightly, unnoticeably, across the Denny’s bench, letting soft, indeterminate farts whisper out of her anus. She was thinking about Mia.
Both women were looking at the table. It was gray.
-LG
such vivid imagery.
*Slow clap*
Bra…
…vo
Gross, he said “anus.”
This guy is hillarious. Most creative writing I’ve seen on here. Thumbs up!
Nice….
james hetfield hates mia
what the fuck does that have to do with tour? I didn’t know we were proof reading
high school what i did this summer bullshit fisher price my first essay.
what drugs do you guys do? good piece of writing btw.
Check out that fucking teeth snout.
This blog is always entertaining and always fucking weird as hell :)
only the finest from lord gold.
WHAT DOTH SILENT FART
Quite the elegant piece of prose, Sir Gold… Mmmyess…
Naw, not your best. It comes off as a little judgmental, and also creepy. Expect even more haterz to show up, and use this as proof that you’re a complete and utter fuckwit, disregarding the awesome randomness of your music and previous blog posts.
Anyways, looking forward to seeing you live in Montreal. I’ll be the kid in his teal work uniform, most likely.
And could you please headline that fucking tour instead of Norma Jean? I don’t want to miss you guys.
whoah
Da fuck.
Is gray an US exclusive shade of grey?
Or is it just an excuse to spell it differently? I’m genuinely confused.
It can be spelled both ways, but gray is considered proper spelling…at least in this country.
Gray is the fool-friendly american spelling. Dont get me fuckin started….
Fucking dumb.
which seems to be the only thing that here that relates to Horse
hipsters out of metal indeed…
Could you not suck please? I know it must be hard considering the amount of time and practice you put into sucking so bad but jesus, I don’t think the internet can handle this level of suck.
Or, if not sucking is out of the question, how about you stop blogging and for the love of my balls, stop making music. Thanks.
cool story bro.
The more hate you spew at Lord Gold, the more He grows stronger.
fuck
my comments were all fucked up. anyways, preordered the new cd that came with the autographed booklet. the necklace signature made me laugh and the album made me rock. thanks.
Nice peice of original, observant writing. Strange how so many dickheads can get so angry after reading it. Probably the lack of rhyming words like ho and bro.