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Haterade, New Shit

“SEXUAL MAN CHOCOLATE”: ATTACK ATTACK! MAKE IT TOO EASY

 Monday, December 14th, 2009 at 11:30am by

Reader Luke Papadopoulos sent us the below video of Attack Attack! performing a new song. Even with the lo-fi audio, it’s easy to tell that the song is fucking awful. Still, there’s three things I’d like to point out, at the risk of coming across as a major homophobe:

  1. The song is called “Sexual Man Chocolate.”
  2. Attack Attack!’s current front man is named Caleb Shomo.
  3. Attack Attack! previously covered Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” – and didn’t change any of the lyrics to make them gender appropriate.

In conclusion, looks for Attack Attack! to tour with Burzum sometime in 2010.

-AR

  • fasshole

    Is that a hotel lobby?

    • Anthony R.

      I was wondering the same thing.

      • ThatRandomGuy

        no is the basement of the first unitarian church in Philadelphia, i was there at this concert :D

  • http://www.last.fm/user/groverXIII groverXIII

    Wow… That is way too easy to mock.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Menard/502061034 Jesse Menard

    Kids are fucked.

    • WowWee!

      There is no hope for the youth.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

    implying that these tools are homos is an insult to ACTUAL homos

    • orbital

      1

      • PatrickSTL

        + 1

  • Kuranes

    That singer looks like he could be their old singer’s sister.

  • Sven

    To be fair, if you’re going to cover “I Kissed A Girl” then you shouldn’t change the lyrics to be gender appropriate. It defeats the entire purpose of the song. Have the courage of your convictions!

  • http://infinitybasement.wordpress.com Jon L.

    I refuse to click on any article related to Attack! Attack! wait… Dammit!!

  • Tim-o-tato

    I listened to first minute which was typical 8 open breakdown bullshit. The vox even sounded kinda heavy…*I was diggin it at this exact point*
    Then, that dude opened his ugly mouth….fuck this band…fuck them in ways that cant even be imagined…

    • Beard

      That would be dick in dick.

      • gibberish

        That mental image was incredibly painful.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rik-Powell/286400508 Rik Powell

    How would changing the lyrics of “I Kissed a Girl” made it any better? “I Kissed a Boy”? Is that somehow less gay?

  • Alaskan King Crabcore

    As much as I dislike AA!, I like when bands leave gendered lyrics intact in covers. Why change them? Who cares?

  • yanky

    i think somone at this site secretly likes attack attack
    because every time they do anything it gets posted here
    with sorta the same bitter tone as you would for that girl who dumped you and you really wanna get back with her but you dont stand a fucking chance so you mention her ten times a day and bitch how stupid she is and what a slut she is when all you wanna do is get back with her

    so come clean and admit you like attack attack we wont hate you for it (na, we will)
    but wtvr but if you dont care about the bitch STOP MENTIONING HER EVERY OTHER WORD

    or so methinks
    or maybe im just really stoned and bored at work

    cheers
    :-)

    • joshkid

      or maybe it hurts you every time they’re made fun of, because you really love their music…
      lol

      • yanky

        alright i love attack attack just dont tell noone

        btw u goin to see devildriver on the 2nd?

    • d00shc00gr

      No, I think you’re on to something. I mean, after that “Axl and Vince are huge HIM fans” surprise, I wouldn’t put it past ‘em

  • THE ENTIRE METALSUCKS READERSHIP

    No more of this crap!

  • ripptuff

    god was that the church?

    im sure it smelled like flat ironed hair and pussy

  • canea

    Huh. Sounds sort of like the Nekrogoblikon song being hyped above.

  • Lee

    tit grab ftw! that was jokes

    • Boob

      damn pedophiles… what is she 14? haha either way, hilarious….

  • Facebook User

    if you pay attention at the beginning of the video, the new singer does a body-bang, and then his undies/shorts fall down a bit.

    totally not metal. your ass should either be INTENTIONALLY displayed, or not at all.

    This is emo, being hidden behind a deathcore breakdown. If you don’t admit that, then you’re lying to yourself.

  • Vakarm

    that pink mic suspicously (?) looks like a dildo

  • joshkid

    I love the pink pajama pants that the lead vocalist borrowed from his sister (or his gay brother) ROFL!!!

  • OoB3ASTIALoO

    i saw this like a month ago LIVE, and i liked it, i dont give a fuck. its ms fault i like aa! now, the dont stop posting, someone here likes them

    • meow

      ur name is so hardcore dawg

      hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

  • wata

    WUT

  • meow

    I’m gay, please don’t associate these guys with me. Thank you.

    • Alex_P

      +1
      or should I say… +3=========================================:

  • Spanky

    Oh come on! No “fudge packer” joke yet???

    • Nate L.

      sexual man chocolate = fudge packing, good call.

  • d00shc00gr

    crab-slamming emo core

  • chris

    when that man child stomped i think the whole room shook

  • ~Ja5oN~

    after the show, the girl who got “fondled”, probably got gang banged “Crab Core” style! LOL

  • Nate L.

    TIT GRAB FTW

  • Dysenteric

    > “2. Attack Attack!’s current front man is named Caleb Shomo.”
    > “3. Attack Attack! previously covered Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” – and didn’t change any of the lyrics to make them gender appropriate.”

    2. And your names are Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein, which are just crappy puns in lieu of real names. So you two aren’t the fairest in the land, are you?
    3. If you change the lyrics, it’s not a proper cover, simple as. I know quite a few artists who have covered the song without changing the word for sexual regularity.

    Do you guys at MetalSucks even have the ability or mental capacity to make fun of anyone else? Or is your continuous slandering of AA! just a massively repressed homosexual crush for the band? I think one of you two just wants to cuddle up to Shomo.

  • lied

    did you say “gender appropriate”?

    really?

    now that’s some ghey shit.

  • mgmnfu

    not sure what Burzum has to do with this bullshit

  • http://www.flamingtusk.com Zosimus

    It’s nice to see they bring the pre-recorded drum parts and piano loops to even the shittiest of venues.

    • Josh

      My roommate got hired to write and record the keys/synth shit for them on their new tracks. We’re in Boston and they’re recording in texas. They can’t even write the stuff in their music that’s mildly good.

      • Joe

        That is completely untrue. They write their own music and record at Joey Sturgis’ studio which is in Ohio i believe. Sorry your story has no proof. If you are going to make up a story just becasus you don’t like AA! at least have substance to back it up.

        • Dr_Giggles

          I agree with you ^ If people are going to diss on a band and make up lies,atleast have something to back your dumb self up on it.AA! is awsome.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

          his studio is in IN

  • wurdups0n

    attack attack makes mah ears orgasm.

  • Hector

    Wow these dudes are writing, touring, recording and having a blast; regardless of whethere their music is good or not that sounds wayyyyyyy better than being a shitty writer at metalsucks.com hahahha

    if you’re criticizing them because of the attention that it attracts to your site then so be it.
    but if you seriously believe they aren’t, at the very least talented, then you my friend are a fucking idiot.
    stop being a journalist, you’re better off working retail or fast food.

    they are doing wayyy bigger things than you hahaha

    • Sparks

      Hector, I’m not quite sure you’re familiar with what a journalist does, but just in case you aren’t; journalists are paid to write articles discussing news or expressing opinions. Why are you even on this site to begin with if you think being a writer for Metal Sucks is a joke of a job? These guys, in their opinion, are a shit band. Oh, and writing for Metal Sucks > touring with a shitty band > defending a shitty band on a website. Have a great day.

      • wurdups0n

        yer deff. gay.

  • Doug

    “Josh” If you could let me know your roommates name and number I think it would be good for the guys to know. His contact information will be important if he is going to be writing a part of their record. Also they are recording with Joey in Indiana so if they your roommate has things scheduled in Texas they should change their plans before then.

  • Hector

    suck dick dreamers hahaha i love this band

  • Hector
  • Noah

    Attack Attack is amazing. fuck all you guys. At least they are doing what they love and getting loved for it while you’re on this shitty site talking about how you have an opinion which will never get seen or heard of by anyone. lol your site sucks

  • Noah

    and why are you making fun of Caleb’s last name? wtf? your name has a fucking gay ROSE in it. lol

  • justin

    You soooo cool… calling them homos. they prolly could get more puss than you could dream of.

  • Joe

    First off I’m not entirely sure if you guys now what genre Attack Attack! is. But incase you were unware: Attack Attack! is a metalcore band with electronic instrumentation. The word “core” is not in there just to look cool. It means that this band is assosicated and influenced musicly and topicly by Hardcore Punk music. So if you think they are “Gay Metal” you are wrong. Second off they make music because they enjoy to do so. not to get fans that are fat bald bearded metal dudes. Third off: why make fun of a bands audience for being young? This band consists of young guys. Kids almost when their first record came out their ages were 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21. So their audience is young because they are young. Fourth: they aren’t trying to be metal or fit in with your metal bands. they make metalcore it is very different from metal. so yes i agree with this websites name “Metal” does suck but Attack Attack! is not metal nor do they suck.

  • http://www.formspring.me/decayNJ Deborah

    Oh so what, what do you want them to do? Go back to using all autotune which everyone bitched about? They’re not going to quit just because 50 people want them too. I wonder if the guys who posted this have talent. http://www.formspring.me/WetzelAA <—- one of the member's formspring. Go ask all your questions.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-John-Crispen/100000169530540 Jason John Crispen

    hahahaha they had their friends and family come defend them. that’s sweet.

  • Noah

    i’m not a family member, nor do I know them personally.