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BREAKING: Ex-Suffokate Vocalist Ricky Hoover Successfully Undergoes Earlobe Reconstructive Surgery

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Ricky Hoover used to be the vocalist for Suffokate, but that’s not why anyone knows who he is. No no no, what Ricky Hoover is famous for is having pretty much the biggest gauges in the history of earlobes. No joke, black holes have less open space. In fact, Christopher Nolan’s new movie, Interstellar, is described as “An exploration of physicist Kip Thorne’s theories of gravity fields, wormholes, Ricky Hoover’s gauges, and several hypotheses that Albert Einstein was never able to prove.”

Unfortunately, Mr. Nolan may now have to re-think his film — because it would appear that Hoover has successfully undergone earlobe reconstructive surgery!

Ricky Hoover New Earlobes

I honestly didn’t even know that one could have one’s lobes reconstructed! I’m glad to know that there’s still hope for Brent Riggs and other makers of horrible life choices to lead a semi-normal existence. Although having one less hole to fuck is probably a major bummer for their significant others.

On an unrelated note, I’d like to share some of my other favorite things that I learned from Hoover’s Twitter account. For example, do you know what Hoover is up to these days?

Screen Shot 2013-07-19 at 10.11.41 AMRicky Barber

And did you know that Ricky really, really needs to meet a nice woman?

But this one is my favorite… because it was one of ten tweets that Ricky sent out that day:

That’s our Ricky!!!

[via Stuff You Will Hate]

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