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Joey Jordison Claims He Was Fired from Slipknot Via a Singing Telegram

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Artists' Rendering
Artists’ Rendering

Following Jim Root’s allegations yesterday that Stone Sour fired him by phone, former Slipknot drummer Joey Jordison has now revealed an even more shocking tale of woe: he claims that the ‘Knot told him he was out of the band via a singing telegram.

Jordison recounted the story exclusively for MetalSucks:

“I was sitting in my living room playing Skyrim, when there was a knock at my door. I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I was like, ‘Who could that be?’. I opened the door to find a guy in what looked like an old-fashioned elevator boy outfit. He did a little jig and started to sing this horrible song letting me know I’d been let go from the group.”

The Singing Telegram even gave Jordison a copy of the lyrics, which he has graciously shared with us, despite the pain they cause him:

I am your singing telegram
Sent to you this December
To let you know you’re not a member
Of our band anymore
So don’t get hit by the door
On your way out
It’s no use to cry and shout
You were once one of The Nine
But without you we’ll be fine
“What will ‘Knot be without me?”
Well we’ll tell you and you’ll see
We’ve already hired a Jew
To take the drum spot away from you
No, this message ain’t in jest
Yes, we wish you all the best!
We just don’t want you with us
When we get back on the bus
Please don’t try to beg or barter
Now you have more time for Scar the Martyr!
Yaaaaaayyyyy Joey!!!
P.S. In case it wasn’t clear, you’re fired.

Ugh. Terrible.

Jordison is just the latest in a long line of musicians who have been let go via less-than-polite means, including Dave Lombardo, who found out about his dismissal from Slayer after reading about it online, and former Dimmu Borgir keyboardist Mustis, who was fired via text message.

Meanwhile, there’s a rumor going around that The Faceless’ Michael Keene prefers to let band members go via sky writing. We’re trying to get confirmation on that for you now.

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