Tuesday, September 1st, 2009 at 3:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
Oh, Cosmo Lee. Every day your Invisible Oranges has something new I want to link to. Stop being so good, fucker.
Today Cosmo has had one of those ideas so simple you wonder why no one ever thought of it before: he’s collected a bunch of videos of stage dives gone awry for our viewing pleasure, and put them all in one spot. Brilliant, I say. BRILLIANT!
Here’s one such video:
Go over to Invisible Oranges to see more guffaw-worthy mishaps. I didn’t post the best one ’cause I want you all to visit Cosmo and tell him “hi.”
Tuesday, August 25th, 2009 at 2:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
MetalSucks Maniac Jessica Kriplean sent this in. I’m not sure if it’s actually the worst metal video ever made, but it has to at least be a candidate to be reckoned with, no?
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 at 1:30pm by Axl Rosenberg
While a seemingly endless amount of terrible nu-metal bands are reuniting, one has decided to do us all a favor and call it quits: American Head Charge have broken up… sort of. See, it seems that vocalist Cameron Heacock is leaving the band, who will hire a new singer and change their name, in what I can only imagine is an attempt to make people forget that they’re American Head Charge. As though you’d forget that bitch who bit your cock during a BJ just ’cause she changed her hair color or something.
AHC’s first album, 2001’s <sarcasm>cleverly</sarcasm> titled The War of Art*, was produced by Rick Rubin, and the band had more than their fair shot at the big leagues: they opened for System of a Down and Slipknot, played Ozzfest, got played on Return of the Rock, etc. Unfortunately, they never took off, probably because they were just that terrible. Their subsequent albums… well, I wasn’t even positive they had subsequent albums. So there ya have it.
This song is called “Seamless.” To review: it is produced by the same guy who produced Reign in Blood.
Expect the remaining members of American Head Charge to announce a “reunion” after they realize that they can make more money using their original moniker sometime in the next six to twelve months.
-AR
*Almost as clever a title as Otep’s Sevas Tra. No wonder the two acts shared a guitar player.
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 at 4:35pm by Axl Rosenberg
I’d seen this clip of some brat whose highest aspiration in life is to be in Attack Attack! once before, but completely forgot about it until MetalSucks Maniac Daisy May Tinklepants reminded me.
Not only does this kid suck, but you have to wonder what in the fucking fuck he thought was going to happen here. Is there any world in which anything even remotely resembling screaming would do well on American Idol? Did he think winning would up his street cred? The simple fact that he tried out means that no respectable band in the world should ever want to work with him, ever, under any circumstances.
Simon and Paula and the other one are still massive tools, but give credit to this dude for making them look good.
Wednesday, July 15th, 2009 at 2:30pm by Vince Neilstein
So Blabbermouth posted this live footage of Lacuna Coil performing at the Graspop Metal Meeting in Belgium a few weeks back. I clicked, figuring I’d at least get to oggle at Cristina Scabbia; the one-camera shoot meant this ended up not being the case, but I at least got to hear her very sexy voice… and male vocalist Andrea Ferro’s vocal diarrhea.
True, soundboard recordings are always a mixed bag; you hear each instrument clearly, but you don’t necessarily hear them the way they sounded live because house engineers mix to the sound of the venue, not through headphones. But Ferro’s performance is just undeniably, horrifyingly god awful. “Spellbound” starts off innocently enough with the instrumental intro, after which Ferro takes a stab at his first verse. I don’t think it’s possible for him to sound any worse; I mean, it’s like… just BAD. How is this guy still in the band? And to make matters worse, Cristina Scabbia follows him with a chorus that sounds practically perfect, arresting as always, as if to say “This guy sucks so bad, doesn’t he?”
Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 1:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
Our friend Dan Rodriguez at Metal Insider tells us that, according to WBIR-TV, ten people were arrested yesterday at the Knoxville stop of 10 for $10 tour, which offers – duh – ten hardcore bands (including Poison the Well and Madball) for the low low price of ten bucks. The charges range from disorderly conduct to inciting a riot; apparently, a fight broke out, and when the venue’s security guards attempted to intervene, even the fucking band jumped in to give them what-fo’.
But here’s the best part: the fight broke out at 3:30 pm… just as the first band on the bill was taking the stage. So that’s ten dollars well spent.
Monday, June 22nd, 2009 at 12:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
Last week, fat drunk fuck/on-again-off-again Warrant “vocalist” Jani Lane was arrested on a DUI charge; now The Detroit News is reporting that he owes $121,024 (geez that’s a precise number) in federal income taxes.
(The article’s author, Robert Snell, even makes a joke about Warrant’s debut album was called Dirty Rotten Filthy Stinking Rich. Oh, Robert, you scamp!)
All I can really say to this is: seriously, dude? I know that times are tough all around and Warrant ain’t the megastars they used to be, but come ON. You live on a liquid diet. Where is all the money going? And don’t try to tell me that this didn’t help pay the bills at all:
Even if all Arby’s paid you for the use of your masterpiece was a lifetime supply of Bacon Cheddar RoastBurgers – which, by all appearances, may very well be the case – then you’d still be saving cash.
Man. Some people just don’t know when they have it good.
When everyone in the band is a total moron who can’t keep his directions straight, you could, say, forget your cue and then have to race your backdrop to the platform you’re supposed to be standing on, and you could lose that race, and you could get hit on the head at a big awards show while millions of people are watching (Okay, it’s probably more like thousands of people. It is just the Tonys, after all. But still. Pretty embarrassing.).
By the way, LOVED Blabbermouth’s headline on this one:
POISON Singer Gets Laid Out By Stage Backdrop At TONY AWARDS; Video Available
Friday, April 3rd, 2009 at 12:38pm by Kip Wingerschmidt
Much like my aforementioned broken shoulder, the story of the band Test Icicles is quite a tragedy. Super young “it” kids from the UK, barely in their 20s, on the verge of indie-cred super-stardom, playing wirey, aggressive melodic Anglo punk, akin to a Bloc Party with balls…it had a catchy sound, it was angry as fuck, and you could dance to it…and then it was over before it ever even really started
Thursday, February 26th, 2009 at 11:30am by Axl Rosenberg
The one and only time I saw Slaughter live, they were the first group on a four band hair metal package tour at Jones Beach (or Hilfiger at Jones Beach or Nikon at Jones Beach or whatever the fuck it’s called now). That’s a good sized venue – to give you some sense, everyone from Aerosmith to Kiss to Motley Crue has headlined there in recent years – but, at something like five in the afternoon (on a weekend, if memory serves), the place was empty enough that Mark Slaughter was able to run through the stands, giving the few of us who had actually shown up high fives – with no security detail whatsoever. The show was packed by the time Cinderella went on later in the day, but while kids will show up at 10 am to hear whomever play the second stage at Ozzfest, Slaughter couldn’t muster enough enthusiasm from their aging fan base to get people to show up on a Saturday afternoon.
ANYWAY, here’s a video I saw on Blabbermouth of Mark Slaughter sounding like absolute dog shit. Maybe I’d feel bad if I’d been a bigger Slaughter fan back in the day – but really, I just want to point and laugh. If his glass-shattering pipes ain’t what they used to be, then Mark Slaughter – and, by extension, his entire band – truly have nothing to offer anyone anymore.
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009 at 12:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
The Huffington Post is reporting that Courtney Love and The Wrestler star Mickey Rourke are secretly dating. I find that kinda funny, given that The Wrestler features a line about what a pussy Kurt Cobain was, and Rourke is a known accomplice of Axl Rose, who famously feuded with Love and Cobain back in the day.
But there’s nothing funny about the way Courtney Love’s face looks.
Monday, January 26th, 2009 at 2:00pm by Axl Rosenberg
Tripp Eisen, who has at one time or another been the guitar player for such illustrious acts as Static-X, Dope and The Murderdolls, is apparently back in prison.
Thursday, November 6th, 2008 at 3:17pm by Axl Rosenberg
Hollywood ingénue Evan Rachel Wood and shock rocker Marilyn Manson are dunzo, generally worthless celeb gossip blog D Listed reports. Apparently the bright young thing dumped the God of Fuck after he tried to kick her brother, Ira, out of her guest house, where he was living.
A “source” explains:
“Evan owned the house and didn’t want her unemployed sibling living on the street. It was the tipping point. Evan was fed up with how controlling and emotionally abusive Marilyn was.”
So now we know what the lyrical content of Manson’s new album will be about.
I’d say Manson should pursue Kat Dennings next, since she’s kinda goth-y looking and has huge boobs, but I hear she’s shtupping director Robert Rodiguez (who, incidentally, used to slip it to Rose McGowan, Manson’s ex). Anyone else have a suggestion for barely legal chicks Manson can fuck for free publicity?
Much like 
