Just one week after playing in Yankee Stadium with Anthrax as part of the “Big 4″ show, drummer Charlie Benante has shocked both the metal and baseball worlds by announcing his decision to ditch metal and throw away his long-time allegiance to the New York Yankees; Benante is now a New York Met.

“It was the show in Yankee Stadium that did it to me. I was disgusted by the attitude and hubris of that organization and their fans. What a bunch of pompous lunks,” said Benante when asked about signing with the cross-town rivals of his childhood favorite team. “I like being the underdog. Let’s be honest, the Mets stink right now and could use my help.” Indeed, with Mets owners Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz in deep financial trouble due to the pending lawsuit from Bernie Madoff recovery fund trustee Irving Picard, Benante provides an affordable option for the Mets moving forward.

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[Justin Foley -- MS columnist, guitarist/vocalist in The Austerity Program and... <scoff> Yankees fan -- was so inspired by yesterday's The Top Fifteen Reasons That Metallica Are the Yankees of Metal post that he decided to write a response. Here it is! -Ed.]

Vince,

It’s really sad that you just won’t let things go.  So you like the Mets.  But they’re losers.  So you hate winners.  Just keep reading those three sentences over and over until they sink in.

Metallica are not the Yankees of metal.  Consider just this: the Yankees are still playoff contenders every year and likely have many more WS rings in front of them.  Metallica … what could the future hold for them?  I’ll tell you what: one thing – Gene Simmons.  Gene Simmons is right now just waiting by his phone for them to call him so that he can take over.  He’ll talk to them about staging a ‘Nothing But Denim’ tour, partnering with novelty acts for marketing purposes and then, when it’s time for your target demographic to consider it, ease into casket promotion.  He’s ready.  Everything else at this point is just postponing the inevitable.

So let’s review your reasons and why they’re (mostly) wrong.

15.  No. The Yanks have had ups and downs, but at least several Golden Eras. In the late 90′s-early 00′s, for example, the Yankees were a legitimately incredible baseball team. But anything after “And Justice…” is basking in the glow of an earlier light.

14.  Huh?

13.  The Yankees have the biggest payroll in baseball and the best championship record of any professional sports team.  Maybe Metallica have the same?  I don’t know.  But also keep in mind that the Yankees have always been in the Bronx.  Although it seemed to require a full raping of the city/state funds to do it, they still remain on 161st Street.  Can’t say that about the Dodgers and Giants.

12.  Absolutely.  And that’s why they’re both successfully ripped off by bootleggers.

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With the Big 4 concert in NYC fast approaching, its high time for some tasteless list-making and name-calling. Even the staunchest of metal purists probably can’t summon quite the amount of hatred for Metallica that we here at MetalSucks feel towards the Yankees (really just their fans), but lettuce be cereal here for a moment: it’s only too fitting that Metallica chose Yankee Stadium for the Big 4 show. So, here we go, the Top Fifteen Reasons That Metallica Are the Yankees of Metal:

15. Both had classic and storied beginnings but are now concerned only with making Benjamins.

14. Both suffered premature losses of legends (Lou Gehrig = Cliff Burton).

13. Both have historically received unwarranted amounts of attention despite the presence of more authentic, likable peers (Slayer / Megadeth / Anthrax = Giants / Dodgers / Mets)

12. Believe in charging even the poorest of their fans $90 for a ticket and $40 for a t-shirt.

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Texas-based ambient metal label Handmade Birds has announced they’ll release the long-vaulted debut album by former National League MVP / multi-instrumentalist Ken Caminiti. The existence of the album has been long rumored in underground metal circles, but following Caminiti’s untimely death in 2004 it was basically a foregone conclusion that the album, entitled Cross Country Skiing, would never see the light of day. Enter Handmade Birds owner Greg Anderson:

Everyone knows Ken’s contributions to the game of baseball, but I think people are going to be quite surprised when they hear this stuff. I got to know Ken during his days with the Rangers and was absolutely blown away by his hidden talent. I’m so glad we were finally able to work out a deal with his estate to get this record out to the masses nearly 7 years later. To say Ken was ahead of his time would be an understatement.

Caminiti did a brief Northeastern U.S. tour with Lake Bukkake and Anal Chainsaw in 2002 following his retirement from Major League Baseball a year earlier, but due to lingering health issues and ongoing legal troubles could never get another run together before his passing in ’04. No word yet on whether the album will feature disgraced former New York Met rapper L Millz.

The record will be limited to just one pressing of 500 vinyls, 100 white and 100 black, and will drop on April 12th. Check out a preview here.

-VN

Ah, Spring! That magical time of year when the sun gets brighter, the days get longer, the birds start tweeting, the flowers start springing forth from the earth and even fans of much-maligned teams like the Pittsburgh Pirates have cause for optimism. Bernie Madoff be damned, there’s 162 games of baseball left to be played ON THE FIELD and I’m gonna be optimistic if I want to, dammit. So eat it.

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Where to begin with this woefully disappointing Mets season? It all fell apart on that disastrous 2-9 West Coast road trip in July. Sure, the problems started before then with two weeks of .500 ball prior to and immediately after the All Star break… but what team doesn’t have a string of mediocrity? After they returned from out west it seemed like they’d given up — everyone excerpt for R.A. Dickey, of course, by far the most Metal Met. Well, that’s not quite true… our starting pitching has been phenomenal. Excellent. Whoda thunk it going into this season?

While the season’s been disappointing to be sure, it’s been a helluva lot more satisfying than last year’s. We’ve seen the emergence of some genuine, quality homegrown talent in the likes of Ike Davis, Jon Niese, Ruben Tejada and Josh Thole. A really, really solid core of youngsters to build upon. I like that. Let’s dump K-Rod and Beltran in trades for prospects this off-season and move on, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD just cut Oliver Fucking Perez from the roster and take the salary hit. What an asshole, that guy; what a baby. Ugh… it makes my blood boil. What a fucking baby.

Oh and one more thing: Angel Pagan. Gotta love that guy. I’m perfectly fine with having him as our starting center fielder in 2011.

Anywho, I’m ranting. Randy Johnson, one of the most metal baseball players to ever hover on a pitcher’s mound (look at that scowl!!!), apparently fancies himself a metal photographer these days and shot some photos at Ozzfest for Noisecreep. I’m wondering if Johnson couldn’t secure a photo pass or just didn’t want to be seen in the photo pit, because there aren’t actually very many pictures of bands playing. But I like that Johnson is doing something interesting with his retirement. Check out the pics at Noisecreep.

-VN

This edition of Metal Mets is written by none other than Decibel Magazine managing editor and die-hard Mets fan Andrew Bonazelli! We thank Andrew for his contribution, and welcome him a respite from his most unfortunate current home of Philthydelphia any time he’d like.

It’s an honor to take the reins on Vince’s (not recurring enough) Metal Mets column this month. As for actually complimenting our beloved collection of past and future choke-artists, despite their mildly surprising 35-28 record this morning… well, I’m going to go as easy on them as they do on me.

I’ve belabored this point to death elsewhere, but as much as Vince and I (and Mookie Singerman, and Scott Kelly, etc.) wish the contrary, pro ballplayers do not give a flying fuck about extreme music. Twins reliever Pat Neshek is probably the only active player who can speak in polysyllable about the Red Chord or Isis. So, it’s no surprise that the Mets are but one of 30 teams whose starting lineup comes out to at-bat music that totally gargles balls. This is not just from a metalhead’s perspective, mind you, but a Person Who Values Their Sanity’s. Let’s grade their selections (with special thanks to the forum-crawlers at operationsports.com for collecting this crap):

Jose Reyes
“All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled
“El Sapito” by Villanosam
“Watagatapitusberry” by Black Point

Not white, presumably has little interest in USBM cassette-trading. Also “the most exciting player in baseball,” hence he gets a pass. DJ Khaled’s “WE THE BEST” shtick is pretty fucking annoying, for the three of you in MetalSucks land who have listened to him, which certainly aligns with how Jose is perceived by opposing fans. Whatever.
GRADE: Incomplete

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Baseball season starts on Monday!!

Ah, April, when every team is entitled to optimism, unencumbered by haplessness, injuries or a blown save faster than you can say “Armando Benitez.” In the case of our Mets, we can be a little optimistic… right? We’ve basically got the same team as last year; the same team that hung around towards the top of the standings until fucking everybody got injured by June. Sure, our starting pitching beyond Johan Santana is suspect, and it’ll definitely hurt to not have Beltran with us until mid-May earliest. But we’ve definitely got a shot of staying in it. Jason Bay will be a great addition. Wright will surely improve his production numbers. Hopefully Reyes can stay healthy. Maybe we’ll even get to see some action from prospects like Ike Davis, Jenry Mejia and Fernando Martinez, who very well may represent the future of the franchise.

It’s only April. Things aren’t all bad… yet.

-VN

This is literally a nightmare come true for me and my fellow fans of the undoubtedly most UN-metal Mets: do I root for the Phillies or Yankees? This is a perplexing conundrum indeed.

On one hand you have the “root for the home team” thing. On the other hand, those Phillies are shit-talking bastards.

I think I gotta go Phils. Root for the National League (DH is for weenies). I’d love to see Yankee fans all that much more disappointed, because to them anything less than a World Series title is considered a failure. And what’s good for the Phillies this year will ultimately make our rivalry with them that much more heated next year… and an eventually Mets victory that much sweeter.

Oh hey and since this is a metal website, here’s a video of Mike Piazza — one of the most metal Mets of all time — singing live with Overkill in NYC.

-VN

WRITTEN BY GUEST BLOGGER REVEREND DAVID J. CIANCIO OF BURGER CONQUEST

[Earlier in the summer, MetalSucks ran a special feature in which Shadows Fall went for a Burger Conquest at the Arctic Roadrunner in Anchorage, AK. You liked the story and demanded more like it. So: more like it. -Ed.]

With a 3rd Shake Shack location opened at Citi Field, home of the woeful MetalSucks favorite New York Mets, we had a perfect target for another Burger Conquest. But why stop at 2 blogs? We like to go big so we invited the Jose’s Chin Pubes from The Wright Stache (“The Internet leader in encouraging David Wright to grow a mustache”) and Mookie Singerman from the metal band Genghis Tron and our good friend Chuck — who somehow managed to hook up 5th row seats behind the 3rd base dugout, and also happens to run the road merch operation for Alice in Chains and others — to join in on our pursuit for a tasty burger.

If you’re a foodie like we are, you know all there is to know about the Danny Meyer “roadside” burger stand, the Shake Shack. If this is the first you have heard of it, there’s a reason for the hype; it’s awesome. You can read more by clicking here. One of our favorite summer pastimes is drinking and eating our way around a baseball park (See Yankee Stadium / Dodger Stadium Burger Conquests) this was lined up to be a lot of fun. With Mustaches adorned, we set off on our Conquest.

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And this is what happens when Axl’s hungover ass is late to the MetalSucks Mansion; Vince watches Mets highlight reels all morning long. Kind of like how Axl will surely watch Stanley Kubrick films all day long when I’m out on my joy ride tomorrow.

Ah, Metal Mike. The glory days of Metsdom. When one majestic swing could instantly change the fate of a game and turn everything around. When this team had hope, energy and enthusiasm. When John Franco would come in and shut the door (well, ok, maybe not). Carlos Delgado is a hero for 2008… But Metal Mike, he is not. D-Wright is the great white hope, but he lacks the flair. Jose, Jose, Jose is the closest thing we’ve got, but he too lacks the charisma and class when he throws temper tantrums on the field. So let’s retire #31 already; shall we?

Sigh. 2008 seems hopeless, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s not ever yet… But really, it is. Why even watch? This is too excruciating and heartbreaking to bother.

-VN

Sez Maura @ Idolator:

What, you didn’t honestly think I was going to let the retirement of Major League Baseball’s No. 1 metal fan/Belle and Sebastian muse pass without comment, did you?

Touche, minus the Belle and Sebastian part.

Maybe he’ll rediscover his old pastimes of drums and guitar in retirement, or go back to jamming with Overkill.

-VN

Thanks to MetalSucks reader Tiago for sending us this clip of Shellac live in Rio this past Tuesday. And thanks to Wikipedia for reminding us that Shellac guitarist Steve Albini is a baseball nut.

And best of all, thank the fucking lord that baseball season is starting on Monday. Thank you for Johan Santana and thank you for Billy Wagner, below, shown entering the 9th inning to the tomes of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.”

-VN

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Oh. My. God. Omar Minaya and The Metal Mets strike again!! USA Today reports that the Mets have traded for Twins pitcher Johan Santana, in exchange for Carlos Gomez, Philip Humber, Kevin Mulvey, and Deolis Guerra. The deal is pending a physical and the Mets signing Santana beyond 2008 within a 72 hour window. This is big. Huge… a no-brainer!! Bigger than the dudes from Crowbar and Tad combined!

And now back to your regularly scheduled Metal programming. Umm… here’s some video of Mike Piazza performing with Overkill a few years ago.

-VN

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In attempt to provide some off-season entertainment, MLB.com just ran a piece about legendary Mets catcher Metal Mike Piazza’s hard rocking roots. Sure, his love for metal, friendship with Ozzy axeslinger Zakk Wylde and occasional appearances on Eddie Trunk’s radio show have been well-documented enough, but who knew that Piazza has been bashing the drums since the age of 14 the way he bashes a Roger Clemens fastball?

Piazza took drum lessons from session-pro Gregg Bissonette (David Lee Roth, Joe Satriani, ELO, Santana), and lists his all-time favorites as “the hard-rock, ‘hair-band’ sound that had dominated the radio [in the late '80s] — groups such as AC/DC and Van Halen” (whatever that means — gotta love sports writers attempts at music journalism). Says Metal Mike, “I like all hard rock, pretty much, everything from AC/DC to Zebra,” he says. “A lot of hard rock, some classic rock, some metal, some speed metal, some punk. But when I play, I try to play more musical songs, not just speed rock.”

Thanks to some YouTube scouring, I was able to dig up this live gem of Overkill performing “Elimination” at a small club in NYC, with Mike Piazza guesting on vocals and air guitar. Dude plays a mean fucking air guitar.

-VN

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The Metal Mets have been decidedly un-metal lately. They fail in the clutch. They always come up short. They blow big leads like it’s their job to go down on Jimmy Rollins. This team is pathetic, and you have to ask the question; even if they do survive what would otherwise be a monumental collapse, does this team have the grit to make it far in the playoffs?

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The folks over at the LimeWire blog [via Idolator] have come up with a pretty brilliant way to kill time during a rain-delay; while they somewhat predictably call it “indie rock baseball,” we would like to co-opt this fine game for the heavy metal world (What athletes actually listen to indie rock? Psssh. Just ask Mike Piazza or any of the Metal Mets.). Basically the game consists of deciding how “clutch” an album is judging by the strength of its songs. Here are the rules:

• You start with two outs and no one on base.
• Each time you skip to the next track without finishing the one you were listening to, that’s a strike.
• Each time you finish a song, that’s a ball.
• Each time you actually *like* a song, that’s a hit. Naturally. Or a single, if you prefer. This also resets the count (as would four balls). Now you would have a runner on. Another hit (or walk) would advance the runner, etc.
• There are multi-base hits for songs you really like. It does help open things up, but please use sparingly, as we don’t want these things to end up being just another bunch of lopsided Yankee-Devil Ray games.
• A runner scores from 2^nd on a hit. I guess this would also imply a runner on 1^st would score on a double. Use your best judgment.
• Once a record reaches three strikes, it’s OUT. Of your CD player (or preferred music player).
• Otherwise, you post the result (e.g. 1 run, 2 left on base).

Pretty fucking brilliant. I could easily see this as being a deciding factor for which Ozzy albums are clutch, or a barometer on whether or not Metallica’s Black Album is in fact a winner.

-VN

What on earth has befallen our beloved Metropolitans? Baseball’s most Metal team is a whopping 3 – 13 in their last 16 games and they haven’t won a series in all of June. Ouch. Devout Mets fans will remember the fantastic 1999 team, one of the greatest teams ever to wear the sacred orange and blue. Jokester / sometimes third baseman Robin Ventura walked into the clubhouse one day while the Mets were mired in a slump, carrying t-shirts for his teammates emblazened with the words “Mojo Risin’” from the famous Doors song “L.A. Woman.” From then on, “Mojo Risin’” became a theme song and rallying cry of sorts for the Mets, and it was blared over Shea’s PA every time the boys needed a little extra juice to get things going.

The 2007 Mets could use some Mojo right now — BADLY. Don’t let the fact that they’re still in first place in the NL East deceive you. They need to get their asses in gear, and they need to do it now. We need a theme song that reflects the character of this team and that will inspire the players and fans alike. “Mojo Risin’” has been retired, and “Sweet Caroline” has run its course (and came from the Red Sox anyway). What about “Don’t Stop Believin’?” With the recent jump in popularity brought on by Tony Soprano and co., the time might right for a little Journey at Shea — Ya Gotta Believe! What do Mets fan think?

-VN

New York Mets outfielder Lastings Milledge, aka “L Millz,” again finds himself in the middle of a controversy not involving his play on the field. The New York Times reported Tuesday that Milledge, who is currently with the Mets’ AAA minor league franchise in New Orleans but is sidelined due to a foot injury, had produced a rap album for his childhood friend Immanuel Dent. Milledge appeared as a guest rapper on one song that included offensive lyrics, sparking a controversy within the Mets organization.
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Fuck the paradigm that says sports and metal don’t go well together; the 2007 New York Mets are by far baseball’s most metal team. These guys live and breath metal, embodied in the fire and tenacity with which they play America’s pastime. Also, fuck the Yankees: the Yankees are baseball’s version of the current L.A. Guns, a bunch of reconstituted, limping old farts trying to relive their glory days when in fact no one gives a shit. After the jump let’s take a look at the 2007 Mets players and just what makes them so brutally and undeniably metal.

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