Word to the wise: don’t give up on the above video just ’cause it’s not metal. Stick with it. You will be pleased. Honest Injun.

And after you’ve watched, why not review some of our top stories from this week? For example –

• We debuted new music from Leprous and Ihsahn.
• Daath’s Eyal Levi declared that not all people are created equal.
• Francesco Artusato from All Shall Perish and Aaron Beam from Red Fang told us about their live rigs.
• We checked out the latest releases from Today is the Day and Eschaton.
• Vince, Anso, Gary, and Leyla unveiled their respective favorite albums of 2011 thus far.
• We started celebrating 31 days of Faith No More.
• We got an in-depth analysis of the genius of Crazy Town.
• We suggested that the Insane Clown Posse might wanna re-think their stance on concert security.
• We hired Manowar to play our next office party.
• We broke the news that Last Chance to Reason have parted ways with two members.

Next week we make the biggest announcement of our lives. Be there or be be square.

-AR

Unless you count current metalcore bands with a wiggerish slant (Emmure, Winds of Plague, Acacia Strain, etc.), the genre of nu-metal is all but dead. Once a nearly-unstoppable juggernaut of Kikwear pants, eyebrow piercings, and chinstrap beards, today it is but a dessicated husk, barely clinging to life. At its peak, nu-metal filled the airwaves coast-to-coast, but these days you’re most likely to hear it on a beat up boombox in the corner of a windowless basement printshop or third-rate auto parts store on the outskirts of town.

While the tastes of fickle music consumers may have changed, nu-metal has never sounded better. Many kids these days are too young to have experienced this unique genre the first time around, so I figured I would share some of nu-metal’s best artists that fly a little under the radar of current tastemakers — I’ll skip the big names that we all know (Korn, Kid Rock, Bizkit) and focus on the unsung heroes. And mark my words, you’ll see indie rockers ironically listening to hed(pe) within the next few years!

Click to read more…

I looked it up, and that’s not Mike Shitoda.

After they reunited with C.C. DeVille circa 2000, one of the most brilliant things Poison ever did, business-wise, was to put together those summer shed tours where they take out three other prominent glam bands (e.g. Cinderella, Warrant, Faster Pussycat,Dokken, Slaughter, etc.) and only charge like thirty bucks a ticket. They were like the Ozzfest main stage, exclusively for hair bands. Talk about playing to your target audience! And I think it’s only a matter of time before Limp Bizkit follow suit. Fuck trying to win over new fans by touring with young, hip bands — just take out a few other bands that sounded kinda like you and were big at roughly the same time as you, and watch the nostalgia dollars roll in.

Why do I mention this? Because Crazy Town are reuniting for this August’s SRH Fest in California, and while I’d never heard of SRH Fest before, once I had a glance at the line-up, I realized that this basically was the shed tour of my nightmares. Kottonmouth Kings? (hed) p.e.? Unwritten Law? Did the promoter lose a bet or what? (I’ve never heard of a bunch of the other bands on the bill, but based on their names — Zero Authority, Big B., etc. — I assume that I’d hate them, too.)

How long can it be before some clever industry peeps put together a full tour with some of these bands? I bet with the right headliner, a (hed) p.e./Crazy Town bill would attract every High-School-Bully-turned-Gas-Station-Attendant within driving distance.

-AR

I’d just like to take a moment to say THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH to the friend who sent us the link to the below video. He works in the biz and I think he wants to remains anonymous in case the opportunity ever arises to sign this kid, but he seriously made my day. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!

-AR

You would have to be on dope to like Slaves on Dope. I mean, the band has a song called “No More Faith,” for fuck’s sake. NO MORE FUCKING FAITH. Jim Martin should bend them over and grow pumpkins out of their ass for that shit.

Anyways, this band is reuniting. I never knew they broke-up, to be honest; I just thought they were sucked into the same black hole of once-popular shit bands that a lot their peers did (see: Primer whatever the fuck they were called, E-Town Concrete, etc.). But in case you’re not familiar with their particular brand of awfulness, here they are, looking like Crazy Town and sounding like diarrhea.

-AR

You may have noticed that one of the Google ads that keeps popping up around here recently is for some group called Hollywood Undead (In case you’re retarded, you should know that we actually have no control over what Google ads pop up on our site.). After seeing the same picture of this band day after day, I finally decided to check them out for myself.

Well, I would have been better off being the meat in a fuck sandwich with Billy Milano and Dino Cazares. Do people really still make, listen to, or in any way associate themselves with crap like this? Or did someone stick me in a time machine and whisk me away to 1998? I’m fairly certain that Hollywood Undead are just the members of Crazy Town with masks on so they don’t have to suffer the embarrassment of being recognized as the members of Crazy Town.

Anyway, I can’t even get through this entire piece of squirrel feces (For the record, I got as far as the gross chick with the mohawk taking her top off; then I barfed on my computer and turned it off.). Good luck to anyone else who cares to try.

-AR

P.S. Yes, I’m aware that simply by posting this article I’ve probably ensured hundreds of more Google ads for these dudes. Oh well.

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Proof that nu-metal is the new hair-metal has come in the form of those musicians hitting absolute rock bottom in the public eye. Seth “Shifty Shellshock” Binzer, rapper in the band Crazy Town (you know… “come come, my lady, you’re my pretty baby, you’re my butterfly, sugar, baby”) is shown, below, firing up a crack pipe for the camera. The footage comes from leaked outtakes for the VH1 reality show Celebrity Rehab, currently in production.

Don’t worry, he’s just killing time for the inevitable 2010 summer package tour feauturing Limp Bizkit, P.O.D. and Crazy Town. I just puked a little inside my mouth.

-VN

[Fox News, via Idolator]