MetalSucks

Seriously. Because every time Vince or I make a snarky comment about the band or vocalist Myles Kennedy, one of you gets your panties in a twist. And while one of you gets your panties in a twist pretty much no matter what anyone at MetalSucks says about any given band, for some reason the outcry of support for Alter Bridge particularly irks me.

Yes, this band is better than Creed, but so is shingles. And Kennedy is a better singer than Wife Beater McGee, so but so was the dude singing on the subway this morning. Neither of these assertions negates the fact that Alter Bridge is boring, paint-by-numbers corporate rock. I just cannot take this shit seriously.

So if one of you Alter Bridge apologists has a legitimately good argument as to why I’m not giving this band a fair a shake, I’d love to hear it. Is there something really sophisticated about the music that I’m just not hearing? Are Kennedy’s lyrics, like, overwhelmingly moving or something? The whole thing is just way over my head, I guess.

I solicited suggestions for good Alter Bridge songs over Twitter, and longtime reader Richaod recommended this track “Blackbird.” I admit that it’s far better than I was expecting, but I also wanna be upfront: there is nothing about this song that makes me think I will ever feel any desire to listen to it again.

-AR

Every now and then, something happens to make me feel like there really is some justice in the world.

So while it looks Limp Bizkit are going right back to being the mega-stars they never deserved to be in the first place, at least Creed – possibly one of the most worthless musical acts, like, ever – aren’t doing so hot.

From a recent news report on the band’s recent concert in Birmingham, Alabama:

Click to read more…

Fresh off the heels of the announcement that Creed will be reuniting this Summer (sigh…), Myles Kennedy — aka the actually-quite-talented singer 3/4ths of Creed hired to replace Scott Stapp in their new band Alter Bridge — issued a press release clarifying the future of that band. Thankfully MetalSucks is here to cut through the bullshit and give you the real skinny; we sent the offending press release over to the gifted MS Mansion Monkeys to parse, and the following is what we got back (our snarky commentary in bold:

Click to read more…

Now I have no choice but to kill Scott Stapp’s grandma.

-AR

… would sound better than Scott Stapp singing.

-VN

[Thanks: Geoff H.]

Exhibit A: During the two-day black metal festival “Nidarosian Black Mass” in Trondheim, Norway this past weekend, the band Celestial Bloodshed played their gig in stage costumes that had been brewing in a box with a deer corpse… for four months. They took their clothes — and the corpse — out of the box on the day of the gig, and used both on stage. Result? The bar next door who happened to be connected to the venue’s air conditioning system had to close for the night due to the stench of death. This information comes via MetalSucks reader Fritz who was kind enough to summarize this Norwegian newspaper article, so we’ll have to take his word for it. Is there any doubt why Norway is the metal capital of the world?

Exhibit B: This is kind of an old story, but newsworthy nonetheless: A Wisconsin man recently became so incensed by what he deemed to be a disrespectful karaoke performance of Dio’s song Holy Diver that he attacked the singer and a second man.

Exhibit C: Creed are rumoured to be reuniting and no one has offed Scott Stapp yet. What the fuck??? Get on that.

-VN

The United States has a brilliant new President in Mr. Barack Obama, and here we are debating whether or not Christians can make tr00 black metal. What can I say? Here are some other things that happened this week:

• We debuted new music from The Giraffes.
• Marilyn Manson splits with young, ghostly-looking female, contemplates future life (hint: it probably involved another ghostly-looking female 20 years his junior).
• Mastodon divulge some details about their new album (hint: lots of drugs had to have been involved).
• Sammy O’Hagar interviewed Enslaved’s Grutle Kjellson and Vince went Jew on Jew with Daath’s Eyal Levi.
• Deftones bassist Chi Cheng was in a tragic car accident and remains in a coma. Godspeed.
• Stoner legends Sleep announce reunion shows; as Led Zep contemplates life without Robert Plant, we pray to God that decision doesn’t spawn a Creed reunion.

Til Monday…

The Webernet rumor mill has been aflutter in recent weeks with the news that two of the three surviving members of Led Zeppelin — Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones — would like to take the band out on the road following their massively successful 2007 reunion concert. The late John Bonham’s son Jason, who participated in the reunion show, would likely sit on the drummer’s throne, but singer Robert Plant has publicly stated he isn’t interested, instead opting to continue making bland alt-country music for the NPR / Starbcuks set with crooner Allison Krause.

All this begs the question: if Plant does indeed decline, who would take his place? Various names have been bandied about — Steven Tyler and Chris Cornell among them, and the latest, petrifying, scary and frightening choice: Myles Kennedy of Alter Bridge.

Click to read more…