MetalSucks

Disney has been canceling metal shows scheduled to take place on their property since 2007, apparently because they don’t like the riff-raff that comes with said shows. And I don’t exactly blame them, I guess – I mean, I wouldn’t want a bunch of drunken Machine Head fans sniffing around my place, either. That being said, I thought this meant a nice, clean break for metal and Disney. We won’t bother you with our loud music, you don’t bother us with your Nazism*.

But no! Disney doesn’t like metal… unless there’s money to be made from it! A reader calling herself La Chupacabra  has tipped us off to the existence of a a sitcom on Disney XD, entitled I’m in the Band. La Chupacabra describes the show thusly:

“The gist of this show is a pretend 1980’s metal band who can’t make a comeback and hire a teenager as their newest guitarist after the teen lets them stay in their house.”

Well, that certainly sounds fucking awful! It’s like The Rocker in reverse. And guess what? I turned The Rocker off after ten minutes, too.

But I did my due diligence and found the below clip so I could at least know my enemy. And, yeah, fuck this show. Even the presence of former The Daily Show correspondent Beth Littleford doesn’t help. I hope there’s a cross-over with Metalocalypse so that Dethklok can just kill everyone from this show. Slowly and painfully.

-AR

*Unless we’re talking about Pixar movies. Anyone who doesn’t love Pixar movies can eat out my dirty shithole.

Well, not really. But this “Radio Disney” version of their hit “Wait and Bleed” is still pretty amusing.

-AR

Thanks to Alex for the tip!

One of the many stories we didn’t actually get to discuss this week is the news that The Faceless are the latest metal act to be banned from The Disney-owned House Of Blues in Anaheim, California. Oddly enough, their tour mates in Meshuggah and Cynic were not banned; what makes The Faceless any more (or less) offensive than Meshuggah or Cynic is kinda beyond me (Also beyond me: why people keep booking metal shows at this club that has repeatedly acknowledged it wants nothing to do with metal. But I digress.).

But the dudes in The Faceless can take consolation in these two facts:

1. Walt Disney was a Nazi cock sucker.
2. Immediately following the conclusion of their jizz inducing tour with Meshuggah and Cynic, they will HEADLINE their own jizz inducing tour with Arsis, Misery Index and The Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravanganza.

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