Vicious Vacation



heavy metal road trip

“The last day of SXSW is always the most metal.” – Kip Wingerschimidt, the morning of the last day of SXSW 2009, before staying up all night partying with Dredg and then tearing the insides of his knee to shreds in the most non-metal of ways whilst getting ready to go to the airport. Fortunately there would be no injuries this year, but the last day of SXSW was indeed quite metal, we did stay up all night, and we worked out some really sweet deals.

Only one problem: it was fucking cold outside. Not just Texas cold… actual cold, like low 40s / high 30s. We New Yorkers are used to that kind of weather (on a good day in the winter) but having to endure it in Austin in the Spring was a major buzzkill.

HEAVY METAL ROAD TRIP, DAYS 9 AND 10: THE FINAL SHOWDOWNThe calm before the storm… E. 6th St. at about noon, while trucks are making their beer deliveries and everyone else is still sleeping off their hangovers from the night before.

But we had our own method of keeping warm. With at least half of the bag o’ herbals left and only one day to smoke it, it was do or die time for the sweet leaf we purchased in Dallas. First mission of the day was to roll it all up. Fifteen minutes later we were ready to begin our final mission, five joints in tow.

Joint #1: In the back alley right outside Red 7. Caught Howl (for the second time) and finally got to see a full Bison B.C. set. Bison sounded phenomenal — those guys have gotten so much tighter since I last saw them and their stage performance was entertaining as always. The band played some new material that got me that much more excited for the new album.

Kip headed up to Club Deville and I headed out to meet up with my friend Hesta Prynn of bad-ass diva fame for a quick drink at some tattoo event way downtown. Only problem was that the event was list-only and Vince Neilstein wasn’t on the list. Thankfully I was able to work out a sweet deal with the door girl to let me in as long as I didn’t go anywhere I “wasn’t supposed to.” Of course I immediately started on those free Dos Equis at the bar before sitting down to catch up with my soon-to-be rock star friend at the VIP tattoo area in the back. Hesta and I might or might not have worked out some deals of our own, but at the very least I’m pretty sure I worked out a deal with her whereby she’d keep working out deals with anyone and everyone else.

Next I headed up to Club Deville to meet up with Kip where we saw Priestess play an extended set. It had been quite a while since I’d seen Priestess, but they haven’t lost it at all. Dudes played like seven shows at SXSW this year (including one earlier that afternoon) and still sounded fresh and acted as if they were stoked to be there. A few whiskeys later Kip asked the bartender where she’d gotten those chicken wings on which she was munching. “Around back. There’s ton of ’em.” And despite the fact that by this time the show had ended and the entire audience had left, Kip and I wandered around back to find nearly full aluminum trays of beef brisket and chicken wings. SCORE! This was the ultimate deal of the day: free fucking dinner. We ate as much as possible and stayed until we were good and full despite being asked by the staff to leave numerous times. Win.


Joint #2: OK I lied there were actually six joints ’cause Kip bought a giant fatty of shwag from some random dude at a party the night before. We smoked this one at the Earsplitters showcase featuring Goes Cube, Hull, East of the Wall, Snake Sustaine and more at an apartment complex a $10 cab ride away from downtown. The environs were bizarre — like a post-college yuppie artist community or something — but the bands were rockin’. We shared Kip’s gonzo sketchy spliff with the East of the Wall dudes around the keg (!) outside, then headed in to watch NYC stoner doomsters Hull crush bodies with their monster wall of amps.


Joint #3: After the show, with dudes from all of the bands.

Back into downtown Austin to catch the tail end of the Tone Deaf Touring showcase at Encore. We may or may not have caught parts of Rwake, Black Cobra and Weedeater. The venue was fucking packed and it was really hard to get around or get close to the stage. Upon entering I bought a Lone Star tallboy and was immediately handed another one by Brett from East of the Wall (thanks, Brett!). I was then bought a shot of tequila (thanks, Carl!). I remember being particularly and unexpectedly impressed by Black Cobra. Things got blurry after this.

Joint #4: In an alley somewhere after the Tone Deaf Touring showcase with Kip, East of the Wall, and some other folks.

After this we spent at least an hour getting food / waiting for our friends to get food. By the time we wandered back to the hotel it was nearly 3:30am and we only had to kill 2 hours before cabbing it to the airport for our 7:30am flight. The plan had been to bring some friends up to our room to smoke Joint #5, but the Third Reich aka The Omni’s hotel security force wasn’t having it. Not only did Kip and I have to show ID to get to the elevators but we had to check out Rob and Frank from Metal Injection (they’d left that morning) and check in two of the folks who were with us. And since there was a fifth party with us as well, I tried working out a deal with hotel security. I was too drunk/stoned to realize it, but according to Kip there was an Austin police officer standing right next to me and both him and the hotel security officer were none too pleased with my belligerent offer to work out a deal. I’m not really sure how we did it, but somehow we did finally work out a deal to get the extra person upstairs and it involved one of the security officers coming upstairs with us to check our room to make sure there weren’t any extra people in it. Utterly reckockulous!

Scared and scarred by the Omni Third Reich, we didn’t want to take our chances by smoking a J in the room only to hear “knock knock knock” on the door, causing our stomachs to turn over in panic. Two joints left; what to do with them?

Joint #5: Gave it to one of the girls we were with who lives in the area. We couldn’t take it with us… good kharma.

The party skedaddled after a few minutes, leaving me and Kip to our lonesomes. We packed our bags, called a cab in advance, and watched TV for the remaining hour we had to kill.

Joint #6: Minutes before the cab arrived.

The Austin airport scene is always comical on Sunday morning. Usually it resembles a morgue. But once Kip and I had time-warped to the security line at the airport we suddenly felt alone; everyone else on line seemed very together and organized, like they’d actually gotten sleep. And there we stood, dirty, disheveled and stoned out of our minds, giggling our asses off and getting the stink-eye from all corners. Who the fuck were all these people?? Fuck them. Seriously… fuck them all.

Fortunately we ran into Metal Insider’s Bram Teitelman at our gate, and he looked every bit the way we felt. We laughed a lot very loudly and pissed off all of the passed-out all-night partiers at the gate.

HEAVY METAL ROAD TRIP, DAYS 9 AND 10: THE FINAL SHOWDOWNBram photo-bombs my picture of some passed out assholes.

But oh no, the fun didn’t end there. Kip insisted on taking his pants off on the plane because he was hot and had a bathing suit on underneath (ran out of boxers). No, he couldn’t get up and go to the bathroom to do so; he had to slowly wriggle out of them while in his airplane seat… and then put them back on, while still in his seat, on the other end of the flight. And since we had a connection in Dallas — complete with a BBQ lunch in the terminal, natch — he did it all over again on the 2nd flight. Thankfully I passed out before the plane even took off and didn’t have to deal with the stench of his taint drifting across the aisle.

And since we both live in Bed-Stuy Do or Die, we shared a cab ride home. Still high. Next stop: bed.

It was a crazy adventure, and honestly, two full weeks later I still haven’t really recovered. But I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat.


The Story So Far:

Day 8: Day Three at SXSW + Epic BBQ
Day 7: Day Two at SXSW

Day 6: Day One at SXSW

Day 5: A Crazy Night in Dallas with a Bunch of Horny Metal Dudes

Day 4: Memphis BBQ and The Walmart Parking Lot

Day 3: Louisville Sluggers and Nashville Honky-Tonk

Day 2: Scion Rock Fest

Day 1: The Calm Before the Storm

Show Comments
Metal Sucks Greatest Hits