Everyone's Replaceable

LORDI DRUMMER FIRED FOR BEING UGLIER WITH THE MASK OFF

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I don’t care about Lordi so I don’t know why I’m sticking up for their just-pink-slipped drummer, other than I think that the reasons for his dismissal are idiotic, and I’m against idiocy in all its forms. Also, it’s looking like it may turn out to be a slow news day.

So. I guess the now-former drummer from Lordi, Kita (above), is also the singer for some other band, Stala & So., and because he performs in that band sans mask, he’s been sacked. A statement from the band, which reads like a legal document, asserts that Kita’s actions were “in direct conflict with one of the cornerstones of Lordi’s image.” And because image (and certainly not music) is the most important thing, Kita shouldn’t let the door hit him on the way out.

Can you imagine if Slipknot fired every member who has pursued a side project without his costume? Hell, those dudes deliberately don’t wear their costumes in other bands for the specific purpose of differentiating those acts from Slipknot. Also, because they understand that their audience is loyal enough to like them even if they don’t look like Jim Henson creations all the time. Ditto Marilyn Manson, who made the difficult decision not to kill himself when everyone found out he and he friends weren’t all born with the first names of divas and the last names of serial killers. (What a lucky coincidence that would have been, all those musicians with funny names finding each other like that!)

But even if you don’t agree with me that this was stupid, it’s inarguable that it was a poorly-thought-out decision. ‘Cause you know what I would do if I were Kita right now? Release pictures of all the other members of Lordi without their masks.

Oh, wait, that’s already happened. Guess they have to fire Mr. Lordi now, too.

In other news, I’m suing Vince for calling me by my real name during a conference call last week. MetalSucks is ruined now because people know that my parents didn’t really give me a name that parodies the fake name of a singer who wasn’t even famous yet when I was born. I can’t believe he did something that was so clearly in direct conflict with one of the cornerstones of our image. WHAT A COLOSSAL DICK.

-AR

[via Gun Shy Assassin]

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