Board to Death



OH MY GOD I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. Godsuck, Suckd, and Halesuck are all going on tour together this spring — and no, that’s not the part I’m happy about. Holy shit, that tour is one more awful band away from signaling the coming Apocalypse. No no no, the reason I’m happy is ’cause the bands are asking for fans to suggest the name of the trek. You can do so by leaving a comment under this post on Godsuck’s Facebook page or this post on Suckd’s FB page; the interns for each band’s managers will then pick the top five choices from each post on Thursday, and people can vote on the name of the tour.

And this is A++++++++ WDBWA AGAIN news for two reasons:

  1. It’s pretty much the best trolling opportunity ever. You can leave any number of sophomoric, fucktarded, barely-even-clever-or-funny suggestions for tour names on the bands’ pages, and while the chances that the bands themselves will ever see it is pretty slim, the chances that you will seriously enrage some nitwits who actually like these three groups is, like, eight-bajillion percent. And as we all know from the mere fact that I am writing and you are reading this post, THERE IS NOTHING FUNNIER THAN NERD RAGE.
  2. The actual, serious, completely unironic names that the aforementioned nitwit fans are suggesting are, of course, totally hilarious. I could look at these all day, no joke. Here are some of my favorites so far… some of these are so bad, I have to believe that they were created by actual music industry professionals:

YEAH! ‘Cause they always kicks! But it doesn’t it seem as though the emphasis is in the wrong place here? Why is it “kicks ASS again,” not “kicks ass AGAIN?”

‘Cause people who go to this tour are gonna ROCK ‘TIL THEY DROP! FUCK YEAH! Good suggestion, d00d!!!!!

Do you think that dude meant “Reign in Rock,” or do you think he is hoping this tour brings weather that is both bad AND rockin’?

In case you can’t see the pic, this comment was left by a woman. That means she’s not some horny virgin who thinks the chick from Halesuck is super-fine; it’s a lady who would actually let Sully Erna put his penis inside of her. I mean, have a little self-respect, girlfriend!

Because nothing says “rebellion” like a three major-label radio bands.

And just by way of saying “Kudos to you, sir,” here are my favorite not-serious suggestions so far:

At least, I think that second one isn’t serious.

If anyone comes up with any good ones, let us know!


Major, major thanks MTNIB for e-mailing us about this!!!

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