Cinemetal

ALL ELSE FAILS: CHECK OUT THESE HUNKS

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Man it’s insanifying when for some reason attractive people are all losery, all pouty and intense while locked up in their homes instead of gobbling drugz, joking around, and bashing vag/banging wangs. Jesus. It’s like, you’re good-looking so u soar over life’s major roadblocks (meeting people, getting considered for jobs, blastin loads, etc.). But noooo some hot people like my ignorant-ass sister just squander their lottery-won beauty by holing up in front of a TV to waste away. Why does she share the mindset of low-expectations chub-girls and the loss-cutting strategy of uglies, those whose lives are spent basically dodging potential humiliation? She’s a fox she should be out there WINNING! Goddamn it.

Want to see more Attractive People Foolishness? Hey check out All Else Fails, a quartet of sleek young Canada studz described thusly [all sic]:

Socially conscious, lyrically poetic, rife with apocalyptic symbolism, All Else Fails is poised to take our world by storm. Playing an aggressively dark blend of Punk, Metal, and Rock, this well established Edmonton based band breaks the traditional ideals of their genre by producing music infused with experimental elements, incorporating Classical music, Electronica influenced synth lines, and spoken word sampling. This is metal for a new audience, one that’s ready for what’s beyond the ordinary.

Socially conscious? Incorporating Classical music? Holy shit somebody’s got to talk to these guys or 40 years from now they’ll gaze down at their factory-sealed johnson and wrinkly ballz and bemoan their awful decision to scream about important shit instead of chanting about meth and buttholes like a smart hot person. Srs u are witnessing the prelude to suicidal despair.

–ADF

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