...And F*ck You Too

Counterpoint: There is Absolutely A Single Album to Be Made Between Metallica’s Load and ReLoad


metallica blow your loadConfession time: I don’t hate Metallica’s ReLoad (I certainly don’t hate it as much as I hate Swansong; God, that album sucks). Maybe it’s the fact that it came out just as I was getting into hard rock, and so “The Memory Remains” was my first introduction to Metallica. I didn’t hear Ride the Lightning until a year later thanks to an aunt I didn’t realize at the time was the coolest person in the world. So I never knew this was a shitty mainstream rock version of metal’s greatest band, and instead I judged the album purely on its merits as music. And I contend there are some great tracks in there.

Which is why I think Axl’s post about the “Load EP” is well, a steaming load. The problem, overall, is that he leans too hard on Load and doesn’t delve into the hidden gems of ReLoad. Specifically, where the fuck is “Prince Charming”? That song is a nitro-filtered Ed Roth-powered beast with a nasty little switchblade grin to it. Or “Fixxxer,” the creepy closing track with a voodoo metaphor you can barely understand due to Hetfield’ vocal delivery? Or “Low Man’s Lyric.” Yeah, yeah, so it’s a ballad. It has a weird, meandering sadness that contains a lot of foreshadowing for the Some Kind of Monster movie.

But even from Load, Axl does us a disservice. Don’t like “Until It Sleeps,” huh? Again, maybe it’s my age showing; that motherfucker was on K-Rock constantly when I grew up, so I might just have fond memories of it from when I was thirteen, doing math homework with my clock radio blaring that track (and “Mother,” they loved “Mother” on K-Rock). But that song has some huge moments, and to leave it off this hypothetical album is silly.

Anyway, here, guys, is the tracklisting for what I will call Blow Your Load. It has nine tracks and 51 minutes—totally enough for an entire album. Enjoy.

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