Former Hatriot Guitarist Foils Robbery, Sticks it to Phil Fasciana

WHOA! According to this report from CBS San Francisco, Drew Gage, former guitarist for the band Hatriot and current driver for the taxi service Lyft, recently foiled an attempt by a group of teenage girls (the scariest demographic on Earth) to rob a sixty-seven-year-old woman of her purse:

This immediately calls to mind the similar story of Malevolent Creation guitarist Phil Fasciana, who claims to have shot and killed a convenience store robber in X, earning himself a lifetime supply of chocolate milk in the process. That story was never covered by the local media because it was completely fabricated, but still! Gage and Fasciana should team up. Maybe they can get some kind of Riggs and Murtaugh situation going. Obviously, given his love of black people, Fasciana would be Murtaugh.

[via Lambgoat]