Eximperituserqethhzebibšiptugakkathšulweliarzaxułum Will Never Have An SEO Problem

Over the weekend, two separate readers e-mailed me to suggest that I use Minsk’s Eximperituserqethhzebibšiptugakkathšulweliarzaxułum for an upcoming edition of Completely Unreadable Band Logo of the Week. I love getting reader suggestions, but alas, I’ve actually used this one already. Still, the emails made me wonder: how did two independent parties both happen to come across this totally bizarre logo in the same weekend?

Well, I think Heavy Blog is Heavy has answered my question: the group has just announced their debut album, which is called — wait for it — Prajecyrujučy Sinhuliarnaje Wypramieńwańnie Daktryny Absaliutnaha J Usiopahłynaĺnaha Zła Skroź Šaścihrannuju Pryzmu Sîn-Ahhī-Erība Na Hipierpawierchniu Zadyjakaĺnaha Kaŭčęha Zasnawaĺnikaŭ Kosmatęchničnaha Ordęna Palieakantakta, Najstaražytnyja Ipastasi Dawosiewych Cywilizacyj Prywodziać U Ruch Ręzanansny Transfarmatar Časowapadobnaj Biaskoncaści Budučyni U Ćwiardyniach Absierwatoryi Nwn-Hu-Kek-Amon, Uwasabliajučy Ŭ Ęfirnuju Matęryju Prach Ałulima Na Zachad Ad Ękzapłaniety PSRB 1620-26b. Here is the album art, by Pär Olofsson (whose work you should know from his covers for Immolation, Spawn of Possession, and a billion other rad bands):

So… this group’s approach to naming things is obviously quite droll, and, hey, it’s hard to fault any young band for doing something silly to get press (within reason — you shouldn’t, say, tell people your lead singer has gone missing when he hasn’t). Still, it’s hard to imagine that this gimmick won’t overshadow their actual work, which is too bad, because they’re actually pretty good.

So how can the band maintain their most excellent achievements in SEO-friendliness without being reduced to a joke?

Well, first thing’s first: no one is ever going to know how to pronounce their fucking name. I mean, Allegaeon’s moniker poses a real issue for people, so I dunno how the fuck anyone is expected to remember Eximperituserqethhzebibšiptugakkathšulweliarzaxułum. (And I don’t mind admitting that I have to cut and paste their name every goddamn time I wanna use it). So they’re gonna need some kinda hip nickname like BTBAM or A7X if they expect to catch on. As of right now, my suggestions are Eximperitus (for obvious reasons) or Ex49, because there are 51 letters in the name, the first two of which (duh) are “E” and “X.” Since Ex49 sounds like a model of evil robot from a sci-fi movie, Eximperitus might be better.

The same issue obviously applies to the album’s title, which translates into English as Projecting the singular emission ov the Doctrine ov Absolute and All-Absorbing Evil through the hexahedral prism ov Sîn-Ahhī-Erība upon the hypersurface ov zodiacal arc ov the cosmotechnical order ov paleocontact founders the utterly ancient hypostases ov pre-axes civilizations actuate the resonance transformer ov temporally similar to the eternity ov the future in the towers ov Nwn-Hu-Kek-Amon’s obcervatory embodying the ashes ov Alulim into the ethereal matter to the west ov exoplanet PSRB 1620-26b. In this instance, I think we just go by the Fiona Apple/When the Pawn… method and call the album Projecting the Singular. 

I Googled it, and Eximperitus – Projecting the Singular… brings up nothing. In other words: there’s no competition! So this strikes me as being a perfectly acceptable compromise. Agreed?

Sadly, there’s no word yet on a release date for Eximperitus’ Projecting the Singular.