Friday 5

Friday 5: What Metal Songs Would You Make Longer? Much Longer!

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Happy Friday, MetalSucks reader! Welcome to MetalSucks Friday 5, our awesome series that appears every Friday (duh) on MetalSucks (duhh) and involves the quantity of five (duhhh).

Here’s how it works: A list of best/worst/weirdest/whatever five somethings is posted by one of your beloved MetalSucks contributors or by one of our buds (like you?). Then you, our cherished reader, checks it out, has a chuckle, then chimes in with a list of the same. No sweat, just whatever springs to mind, k? (Just like that movie about those losers working at a Chicago record store!) After all, it’s Friday — the day dedicated by the gods to mindless, fun time-wasting. 

Today let’s mourn songs that are with us so briefly!

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THE FIVE

What metal jams end too freaking soon??  

THE LISTER

Anso DFMetalSucks senior editor

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1. “Solitary Traveler” by Torche
from Harmonicraft
Relapse | 2012

The monster hit “Rapture” by Blondie lasts about seven minutes. That’s long for a single, and because it hardly varies, the droning, nonchalant disco gem feels even longer than that. Still, it was my view that “Rapture” is so awesome — clumsy rap and all — that its only room for improvement would be to make it longer. Make more of it. After about 20 years of feeling that way, I was stunned to find an extended version that adds three minutes! There’s a whole other verse, a long percussion break, and more throbbing coke psychosis. So awesome. For my next trick, I’ll bring into existence with my mind a similarly extended version of another swirling, hypnotic classic: Torche’s “Solitary Traveler” in about 18 years.
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2. “Dawn Of Emptiness” by The Crown
from Possessed 13
Metal Blade | 2003

Another category of too-short song is one like “Dawn Of Emptiness,” the monster finale on The Crown’s masterpiece Possessed 13. That jam introduces an awesome riff and new vibe right at the end — a “coda” — then kinda spirals into silence. At 90 dirge-y seconds, it’s substantial. But to wind down the Possessed 13 experience, a listener needs about 360 more seconds of it. Plus it’s righteous.

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3. “Material” by Devin Townsend: Physicist
from Physicist
Hevy Devy | 2000

A perfect, complete pop song can last only a minute or two. Fans of Lagwagon and NoFX know this. But some short songs bail way too soon. Devin Townsend’s “Material” is a work of art, but it’s as sadly brief as that time you and your lady were banging wildly but then bonked your heads together, knocking each other unconscious. That’s painful and frustrating. My proposal for “Material”: More verses, a guitar solo, and tons of chorus on the way out, I say! More!!

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4. “The Prophecy” by Iron Maiden
from Seventh Son Of A Seventh Son
Capitol | 1988

Iron Maiden’s “The Prophecy” ends with two new sections: a ricocheting three-part guitar harmony riff, then a sinisterly expectant acoustic 6/8 thing. Each is awesome, but back then, Maiden albums weren’t packed with nine-minute songs, so neither part is given enough rope. I’d settle for a minute more of each, and the intro too.

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5. “After Forever” by Black Sabbath
from Master Of Reality
Warner Bros. | 1971

If we tallied all songs that overstay their welcome, and all the ones that are too short, we’d find that the former outnumbers the latter by a million. So it is not a huge problem we’re discussing here; not to mention that the problem is practically solved by a “repeat” button — and it’s reversible via ProTools, a weeknight, and a doob. Like, we added two minutes of coda to “Breath After Breath” by Duran Duran that way. We were about to tackle “After Forever” too, but suddenly the doorbell rang and we assumed it was Sharon and her lawyer.

Happy Friday! Your turn :)

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