Keith Richards Thinks Metallica and Black Sabbath Were “Great Jokes”

In a recent interview with the NY Daily News, Rolling Stones guitarist and scrotum impersonator Keith Richards went after the modern rock scene. Because no one has a stronger grip on current events in music than a septuagenarian.

Richards began with a general old man argument about modern rock music:

“It sounds like a dull thud to me,” says the Rolling Stone. “For most bands, getting the syncopation is beyond them. It’s endless thudding away, with no bounce, no lift, no syncopation.”

He obviously likes that word.

While that kind of comment is just a basic sign that someone’s all talked out and needs to recover over some Bingo, Richards went on to discuss heavy metal:

“Millions are in love with Metallica and Black Sabbath,” Richards says. “I just thought they were great jokes.”

Heh, yeah, okay.

I’d never dismiss the Rolling Stones’ music — my first concert was the Giants Stadium stop of the Bridges to Babylon tour — but fuck this dude. What would have improved Sabbath and Metallica’s music? More scarves? A period of cocaine-addled pastel-drenched pop bullshit that no one ever asked for (though I guess Sabbath sort of had that)?

It’s always a shame when a classic rocker decides that the music he helped influence into creation is beneath him. It’s also fucking pathetic, given that Richards has been about as relevant as Brylcreem for the past decade. But hey, I guess when you see the Reaper beckoning and you’re too tired to shoot up, you’ve got to get your anger out somewhere.

At least metal didn’t get the treatment from Grampa Keith that rap did:

“What rap did that was impressive was to show there are so many tone-deaf people out there,” he says. “All they need is a drum beat and somebody yelling over it and they’re happy. There’s an enormous market for people who can’t tell one note from another.”

Sounds like someone saw a kid in baggy pants on the way to work and got super mad!