My Last Crack Bender
my last crack bender was three years ago and when i smoke crack i like to really go the distance. i checked into a hotel with two cases of beer, a bottle tequila, 6 or 7 packs packs of cigarettes, a couple of lighters, about an ounce of crack, two pipes, a handful of porn mags and a bottle of baby oil.
i rolled my suitcase into the elevator. right as the door was closing i realized that i’d forgotten something and jumped through the door. i hurried back to the front desk.
“i dont want any phone calls. also, can you make sure that the porn is not blocked on the tv.?”
the girl at the front desk looked at me like i was creep. she was right.
up the elevator, down the hall and into my room. i rushed inside, set everything out on the table and selected the 24 hour all-you-can-eat porn. it came on in the middle of anal juggernauts 12. there is nothing like that first hit of crack. i wish i could feel like that forever.
so for more than 24 hours i smoked crack, watched porn and drank tequila. i selected the 24 hour porn buffet again. more crack. more baby oil. as i’m jacking off i hear what sounds like the bed squeaking in the room next to me so i get up to investigate and press my ear up against the wall. it IS the bed squeaking, and this couple is going to town. this is great. this is better than tv porn so i grab the tequila with my free hand.
this guy is really giving her the business. her moaning gets louder and faster. they keep going and keep going. she is getting just pounded and i’m really into it. moaning and squeaking. moaning and squeaking. this goes on for a while and i’m loving it. this guy is my hero. i can’t believe he is lasting this long. when they’re done i’m going to go next door and shake his hand.
after what seemed like 30 or 40 minutes they’re still going but i’m exhausted and sit down in the chair to rest. i notice that i’ve gotten baby oil all over the wall. the hotel is probably going to charge me for that. so as i’m catching my breath i notice that they’re starting to wind down in the next room. my breathing slows as they slow down and vice versa. suddenly i realize, there is no one having sex in the next room. the moaning was me. the squeaking was just my nose whistling.