AN OPEN LETTER TO AXL ROSE
Thursday, March 5th, 2009 at 11:00am by Axl Rosenberg
To: W. Axl Rose
From: Double-Jew Axl Rosenberg
Re: Plans for a Guns N’ Roses Summer Stadium Tour in 2009
Dear Axl Rose,
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!
I mean, dude, come ON. I love you. You know I love. Everyone knows I love you. I took my pen name from you (It wasn’t your real name anyways, so I figured you wouldn’t mind.). I really, sincerely like Chinese Democracy, a whole bunch. In fact, I’m listening to it as I write this. And I’ve defended you even though, let’s be real, defending you doesn’t make a whole lotta sense most of the time.
But Chinese Democracy is not selling well. I mean I heard some bullshit about it going platinum, but that’s for number of copies shipped, not number of copies sold, and Best Buy had to stock more than a million copies anyway, so you were always guaranteed the platinum album (No fair waiting a little while to make the announcement, so as to fool those who think the “award” is connected to actual units moved.).
So how the fuck do you think you’re gonna fill up a stadium?
I imagine you’re thinking you’ll take some other bands of note out. Right? Why not? It worked for Metallica.
But Metallica’s album is actually selling. And Metallica haven’t been more or less out of the spotlight for the past decade and a half. The biggest story of Lars Ulrich’s post early-90s career has been going to congress to fight illegal downloaders. The biggest story of your post early-90s career has been going to a night club to fight Tommy Hilfiger.
And I’m saying this as someone who generally think you’re great, and who generally thinks Lars Ulrich is a yutz.
I think that touring is an excellent idea. But for the love of all things holy: BE REASONABLE. Remember how awesome those shows at the Hammerstein Ballroom were? With only a few thousand people in the room? What if you did those all over the country? Not only would they easily sell out, but if you actually show up and put on a show like you did (for the most part) in 2006, they could build buzz. You could play the oldies that everyone is really paying for – and you could sneak in some Chinese Democracy material, too.
Think it over. ‘Cause a failed stadium tour would be more embarrassing than being winded on MTV.
-AR
P.S. If you do decide to hit the road in any capacity, make sure you don’t forget to pack your Robin Finck!
Who’s Axl Rose?
there is no way this would be financially backed in the current economy, no one is that stupid.
vmanv beat me to it. This could serious hamper any label who supports this bullshit in this economy. Hey, wait! Why doesn’t Axl just blame this recession that’s been going on since about Christmas 07 for the shitty album sales for Democracy? It would make more sense than the Best Buy fiasco.
He didn’t have a problem selling out in ‘06. So who knows? maybe people will shell out the $$$ to see them again. Of course, the last time around there was huge buzz regardingt the tour since they had not done something like that before and everyone was curious to see the new line up.
I sure won’t pay to see them this time. Axl was his typical 1.5 hours late when he played here in portland, OR last time and I am sure the tickets will be easily over $100 for floor tickets.
I’ve said it before and I will damn well say it again. Fuck Axl Rose. Now I bid this site fuckin’ adieu.
I’m a douche I’m a douche I’m a douche I’m a douche
A lil’ AXLspeak for y’all… peace out, I’m going back to my trailer.
Well, it all depends on what they EXACTLY mean with “Summer Stadium Tour”.
I’ve seen a Tesla “World Tour” that meant one gig in London and two in Holland. Really.
So this one may be like three gigs in soccer stadiums, and I guess he can easily sell out those.
axl rose and his version of guns toured a few years ago to sold out stadiums all over the world i had the pleasure to see them in calgary alberta i was very skeptical about the show at first i thought that axl was a douche and all washed up. and fuck did he ever rock the shit out of that place for over 3 hours of one of the best shows i had ever seen so before you run your fucking mouths encourage the tour this was with no album at all and the place was sold out !
all i can say is keep on keeping on axl you no your are still the coolest man on the planet and crazy as fuck but who cares thats why we love it
peace out douchers !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mcfly i agree but learn some fucking punctuation and proper grammar skills because your post was quite difficult to make sense of douche
Fuck everybody, Axl is Axl and you are you!
You have a great surprise.
I believe in Jesus.
I am not so sure that things are going well for Axl lately,but I fucking love him and I miss the old guns n roses ”crew” and I have to say that although as a hard rock album Chinese Democracy ROCKS,there’s some tenderness missing,and too much of a bitterness :( I don’t know….but HE is still the best!!!
if axl read this letter, it wouldnt change anything cuz axl is axl and by that way he ruled the world.
anyway… i still love axl