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Contests

FUNNY PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN NEW CDs FROM MAN MUST DIE AND HOWL!

 Thursday, August 13th, 2009 at 5:00pm by

metalbaseball_funnyLet’s cut to the chase: the winner to last week’s funny photo caption contest, hands down, is this golden comment submitted by “(required)”:

As bad as he is at stealing band names, Dino proves to be even worse at stealing second base. This can be at least partially blamed on the distracting reminder of his favorite meal, strategically placed on the pitcher’s shirt.

For his/her wit, “(required)” wins a big package of CDs from Earache Records. This week the good folks at Relapse Records are providing us with two prize packages, each containing the latest CDs by MetalSucks approved bands Man Must Die and Howl. Just come up with a funny caption to the below photo, and they’re yours. If you’ve been following the past several weeks of funny photo caption contests (last week excepted), this fine young chap should look familiar…

fag5

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  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    Enough of this fucker already, he’s not funny anymore

    • http://lavidastrangiato.blogspot.com/ Jake

      Thank you, I was just about to post that same thing.

      • MetalRod

        Yeah I’m sick of seeing this fucking alien

    • Ziltoid

      I’m tired of this piece of shit as well. I think \m/Eluveitie\m/ should win.

      • http://www.myspace.com/anlace Gothian

        I second that

      • http://www.conorschaefer.com/blog/ Conor

        It *is* the funniest thing that can be said about that stupid fucking picture. Give it to \m/Eluveitie\m/!

    • Ty

      Undoubtedly.

  • Failure

    “I can’t decide what is bigger my dick or my tongue”

    • Uglymicrowave

      I wish i knew how to get all this cum outta the back of my hair?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steven-Gates/1487790133 Steven Gates

      “I can’t decide what is bigger HIS dick or my tongue.”

  • Tyler

    is he a dude? or just a chick with small tits?

    • metalocalyptic_death

      im guessing u never seen scene/emo kids before

  • bearbomb

    “Note to self: Taking picture of From First To Last t-shirt in the mirror will NOT make it read From Last To First. I am still a loser.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

      Win.

    • Fink

      Haha… nice.

    • metalanus

      i hate myself for knowing this but this is made doubly funny by the fact that their biggest single was named note to self….

      wait. i’m listening to slayer. its okay. i swear.

    • Matthew Grant Anson

      Yea, win. nj man

  • Cowboy From Hell

    The “Licker” from Resident Evil really found himself in a dark place after his parents got divorced and his bike was stolen.

    • Uglymicrowave

      FUCK THATS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE!

      Ive been trying to figure out what this fucking homo reminds me of…and its a Licker from Resident Evil!

      • http://www.myspace.com/this_is_james_myspace Necrozoid

        HAHAHAHA holy shit, the likeness is uncanny!

      • poopsmcgee

        it reminds me of the alien from alien resurrection

  • Anthony

    “lollipop, lollipop oh lolli lolli lolli”

  • Dave

    “Practicing making out in the mirror before the concert tonight! Attack Attacks singer is mine!!!”

    • Big Tricky

      Haha. Nice.

    • S.I.

      Hahahaha. That was the first time I chuckled at ANY caption contest entry.

  • Beastmaster

    “I wonder how many of these pictures I take will end up on Metalsucks? Being that I’m Vince’s estranged nephew he owes me the publicity…”

    • http://www.smnnews.com big_metal_al

      ahahahah

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/agmkreptile FuckYourGayEmoHaircut

    Every girl has the right to be ugly, but this fucking chick abuses the privilege.

  • dlux

    shitty band shirt-check
    lip ring-check
    hair in eyes-check

    sceneing it up in mom’s bathroom-you better believe it

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    “Hair-do, check. Band-shirt, check. Piercing, check. I am now so unbelievably ‘metal’ that no one would ever think of questioning my tr00ness.”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

      No way! How the FUCK did someone manage to post the (almost) exact same thing as me, just before I did!? I’m kinda freaked out…

      • dlux

        bff!!! haha yes

  • groverXIII

    Introducing the newest micro-subgenre: emo-sheepdog-core.

  • http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

    “Watch me deep throat this Ballpark with no hands!”

    • Jo

      if only some girls i know where that talented..his future in gay porn is limitless

  • Flying Dad Bomb

    Oh dear God, is that a zit on my tongue?

  • mrbinky

    Mmmmmm, regurgitated dick.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Byron-Ward/797615124 Byron Ward

    Impressionable Al just couldn’t get the taste of mass produced shit out of his mouth…

  • timmah

    Smile like a donut, bitch!

  • dr j

    This kid makes Sarah Palin’s death panels make a lot more sense.

  • bearwizard

    this shit makes wayne static seem like the coolest motherfucker around

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    When Ziltoid met Revrant

    • metalguy

      doesnt quite fit but save it its good

  • Sacajawea

    There’s a reason “There’s something about Mary 2″ ended up being a flop at the box office.

    • Sacajawea

      That’s Ben Stiller’s splooge in his hair in case no one got that.

  • http://chroniclesofchaos.com Daniel Cairns

    The Budd Dwyer hairdo is a hit with the kids.

    • groverXIII

      Well-played… if only this kid would do more to be like Budd Dwyer.

  • Marcel

    Blinded by his/her bangs, the stick figure known as “Emo Pat” failed to see the graboid desperately attempting to flee from Pat’s suck hole…the taste of dick was not palatable to the little creature from Tremors…six degrees of Kevin Bacon indeed

  • Ilona

    Just because you can only see the front of your hair in the mirror doesn’t mean you don’t have to comb the back. Douche.

  • Timmay!

    Here we find an intrepid young “male” ,and we use that term very loosely here, practicing how to “suck off” a random guy he will find at a generic metalcore band’s show. Yet another example of how metalcore is destroying our youth.

    • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

      You have to do the finger motions for quotation marks around “male” and “suck off” when you say this

  • Ilona

    As long as I’m wearing a black shirt I should fit in fine at the Slayer concert, right?

  • Seven

    BLOWERS CRAMP!!! OWNED!!

  • Mooby

    As pictured above the trend of young “scenesters” practicing fellatio by using small carrots to imitate male reproductive organs has become quite popular amongst the younger generation.

  • yanky

    i hope this fucker dies
    he is pissin me the fuck off

    • yanky

      thats not a caption its how i feel

  • http://www.roxwel.com Pick-Axe Bobby

    Knowing that Timmy would never stop singing along with his Attack Attack! CD, his tongue decided it was finally time to escape. His bottom lip, however, being attached with a metal ring, would never be so lucky.

  • Rida

    “I stick my tongue out at you, abortions. You’ve failed again!”

  • stew

    his manhood is escaping from his body.

  • Sacajawea

    This fish is very evolved in that it has the ability to immitate your average 13 year old homosexual. As you can see, it still has a hook in it’s mouth from previous encounters with lonely fisherman looking for the company of young boys.

    • metalguy

      win

      • Jo

        epic win….

        • Seth

          1

  • rkpe

    last, definitely last.

  • http://zunetracks.net loganarchy

    He doesn’t want to show his eyes because he’s a vampire.

  • TrapThem

    Tsunami haircut: $40
    From First to Last tshirt: $20
    Lip Ring: $10
    Taking enough pictures and posting them online so that we all can know what a sceneage trendy douche bag you are: priceless

  • Balls666

    “Oh goody! That scar on my tongue from when my mom stabbed me with a rusty coat hanger finally healed”

    • oblivion

      ahh the good old failed abortion joke

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Dolan/100000151486558 Zach Dolan

    From Gay To Gayer

  • Bicro

    Poster for Gummo 2: The Scenewhore Douchebag Years.

  • Spanky

    “From First To Last still rules! So does Gene Simmons! \m/”

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    This is your brain on Emo. Any questions?

  • Phantasm

    From first Juggalo to last Juggalo, even those freaks don’t want this kid. Woop woop.

  • Dustin

    “Never should have tried to deep throat that exploding cigar….”

  • http://twitter.com/SchenkelTown Daisy May Tinklepants

    the cover art for the new from first to last album, titled “from ass to mouth”

    • (required)

      Good form.

    • nolavann

      such class daisy!!!

    • http://www.myspace.com/northwestroyale Blake

      NICE!!

  • Joe

    lesbaliens: the last gasp in victory records’ genetic engineering program.

  • (required)

    I’m so sick of this dude that I’m just going to post some interesting anagrams of “From First to Last”:

    Mortal Stiffs Rot
    Total Riff Storms
    Mortars Lift Soft
    Motors Lift Farts

  • Austin Milbarge

    ” I can taste how bad I suck on my own lips”

  • TMan

    “i wish my vagina was as pink as my tongue”

  • http://uponwingsofblack.blogspot.com/ \m/Eluveitie\m/

    He likes his Bubbalicious like he likes his men…fruity

  • KurtMorgan

    “i think i look sexier from this angle so im gunna flip the photo” ur tongue looks like a penis

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    It was then that Kyle realized that his tongue, penis and pretend girlfriends clitoris had something in common.

  • foobear

    A wild scene-kid appears!

  • kayn83

    “He was first to suck dick but the last to swallow.”

  • Ken

    to prove he’s sooo emo he eats pink shit

  • Leo

    “It puts the lotion on its skin then places the lotion in the basket”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robert-Livingston/25310975 Robert Livingston

    I have nothing clever… this guy just weirds me out.

  • canea

    Lacking visible eyes, the Emo Scene Fish has developed a modified sensory apparatus for navigating his way towards a suitable mate: his tongue. Sadly, many males of this species will ultimately find rejection at the end of their Facebook bathroom mirror courtship ritual and will die alone in their dark, poster-covered bedrooms.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    His bangs completely cover his eyes, as even he is embarrassed to look at himself in the mirror.

  • cpo

    ugh more like “from gay to that”

  • http://wilcoxb2 Brett

    The slugs from “Slither” were then resorted to take the bodies of soul-less scene kids.

  • Dushaun Mandic

    *Knock* *Knock*

    Emo kid: Mom!!!

    Mother: What your doing is a sin! God is watching you!

    Emo kid: Just hold on! I’m recording a instructional video on how to take a dumb using my tongue! I’m going to upload it on MyEmotionalSpace.

    Mother: That’s fine, but can you explain to me why I keep hearing a sucking noise? Are you eating a sucker or something.

    Emo kid: No that’s Jerry, he’s in here sucking my dick.

    Mother: Well hurry up, your dinner is getting cold.

    *Squirt*

    Emo kid: I’m through.

  • CT

    He’s just practicing for the date he has with a gloryhole later on tonight

  • twisted_freak

    “I would like totally suck my tongue in this photo!”

  • Charlie B

    “From first to last” Couldn’t be more true.

  • halloway

    “mmm… there was still some jizz on my lip ring.”

  • http://www.last.fm/user/wrath_of_vishnu Dillon

    Tim Allen would not be pleased with this remake of “The Shaggy Dog”.

  • Zombie(really)

    I AM posh spice…….

  • Sandy Duncan’s Glass Eye

    The photo that killed the pro-life movement.

  • http://www.youtube.com/nobudgettelevision C.J. the D.J.

    Vitamin Water.
    Vitamin Water.
    Vitamin Water.

    MOUSSE!

  • sandedfaceless

    The Invisible Man demands another rimjob!

  • KillEmAll83

    “I use my best friend’s cum in my hair, and he does the same for his hair. This is what it looks like when I stick my tongue in his ass. No homo.”

  • villanj1

    It’s obvious that this gay-tard couldn’t handle his hero in Attack! Attack! getting shit thrown at him on stage, so he photographed his assisted suicide. Shotgun blast to the back of the head, slug exiting the mouth. It’s beautiful…

  • simon

    even if i would this kids dad i would still laugh at him.

  • Unkle Paul

    “I hope Travis Barker notices me at the blink concert, I mean look at me, I’m so different, maybe I’ll get to lick his ballbag.”

  • PorkGrinder

    “Does my tongue make me look gay?”

  • http://www.roughgang.com Johnjohn

    If he had his tongue pierced instead of his lip, at least we wouldn’t see it all the time.

  • Keith

    The metal mon chi chi coughs up a furball.

  • The Rooktrocity

    Emo Model Portfolio, submission #1: The Money Shot, taken with low-light filter to enhance moody atmosphere. Notes: “Subject should open mouth wider to catch greater quantity.”

  • TheHardG

    “Axl and Vince really need to stop putting my best pix on their stupid website,or Im gonna tell my mom,Im losing scene points here people!!”

    seriously where do you guys keep getting pictures of whatever this is?

  • Glorious Johnson

    *picks out ironic shirt for metal sucks mansion blow job party*

    “Line up boys. I’m gonna make like a circus seal and sucks these dicks from first to last.”

  • Brian \m/(-_-)\m/

    practicing his rimming techniques

  • http://www.myspace.com/johnnysrideishere emetal

    “I’m so scene, I’m growing a devilock on my tounge”

  • TheHangingBrain

    Being unable to go without a dick in his mouth for more than 5 seconds, our intrepid emo boy realizes that he can fellate his own tongue.

  • MrMooshie

    “How can i make a funny caption If i don’t know what the fuck IT IS?!?!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richie-Potts/1645666812 Richie Potts

    “Ow! My tongue’s stuck in my lip ring!”

  • http://www.welovemetal.com We Love Metal

    My best impression of Lita Ford’s pussy…

  • Metal for life

    and this is funny?This little fucker son of an emo bitch is funny?Go fuck yourself fucking emo piece of shit

  • killer

    I want to punch your fucking face, cum dumpster.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Evan-Matrick/657985201 Evan Matrick

    “After reviewing this photograph, it became painfully obvious that Jeremy was in desperate need of an older brother.”

  • http://www.myspace.com/beneaththesoil1 derka derka burger

    “Goodness gracious, you guys! I just figured out how to make it look like a cock is coming out of my mouth! Super duper, oober goober!”

  • http://www.myspace/deathmental.com Ian Aiken

    “Ok, I’m ready for your cock, see I’ve got my tongue out. Wait, where are you? I can’t see you because of my super duper haircut. Oh well just stick it anywhere and then cum on my Hot Topic shirt.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    “Hey gutter! Ligner det her en pik eller hvad!?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richie-Potts/1645666812 Richie Potts

    “After having a long webcam chat with my myspace girlfriend, we finally decided to meet eachother. It wasn’t until later that night after she took me back to her place that I noticed that she was a lot taller, and hairier than I remember her being over cam. That was of course before I blacked out from some drink she had me try. Now my butthole’s sore, my hair’s all messed up, and I have a salty taste in my mouth I just can’t get rid of. Something tells me it went well :)”

  • Kris

    Now were did I put that penis?

  • deathray76

    xNAMBLAcorex

  • (required)

    Here we see the results of preliminary testing of the U.S. military’s new
    douche-seeking meat rockets. The entry wound in the back of the cranium appears quite severe,
    and one can plainly observe the tip of the weapon potruding from the oral cavity. While tests
    indicate that this is an effective device, the project has been abondoned for a more economical approach
    currently dubbed the “Howard-Jones-punches-douche-bags-in-the-face project.”

  • Nekcod

    “This being the last known photo of Micheal Jackson before his death gives us some insite into why he might have committed suicide.”

  • http://www.conorschaefer.com/blog/ Conor

    Dude, fuck this kid! I hate him! I am so furious and affronted that Vince would do this to us. I feel like a Suicide Silence fan that just got grounded: angry and completely incapable of retribution.

    DEAR GOD I’VE BECOME WHAT I MOST HATE.

  • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

    UP YOUR COCKS, METALSUCKS. my caption was DICKS BALLS ABOVE THAT NONSENSE YOU GAVE THAT EARACHE PRIZE PACK TO. that’s the last time i do your jobs for you.

    • (required)

      Ummm…fuck you, dude. Tell you what, post your address and I’ll send you a nice little Anthrax prize pack. I’m talking about the band, of course.

      • http://www.myspace.com/uglydirge aaron m.

        it’s ok. i don’t actually care.

        • (required)

          Wow. You’re very manic. Maybe you should see someone about that.

  • http://www.myspace.com/crazy_fucking_eyes Crazy Eyes

    Emo bangs + doing piercings yourself = tongue pierced to lip.

  • Ernie Collins

    Timmy Who from Whoville decided to leave Whoville to become an emo piece of shit.

  • Don

    The hope for China’s new secret army of mass destruction looks very bleak here…now if you just remove the ‘m’ from ‘mass’…ah there we go. Now China’s chance’s look very very good indeed!!

  • A.T.B

    so this is what happens to your tongue after countless times trying to growl like from first to last..? man.. I iwounder what happens to those nasty dudes in Cannibal Corpse…

  • Kevin

    Seriously where do you guys get these pictures…
    Axl stop adding scene kids on myspace!

  • Viking-Shredder

    This is the most annoying looking kid I have ever seen in my entire life. Him, and all the others that look exactly like him. All I have to say is, he has one of those faces that you just want to head-butt him in the face as soon as you see him.

  • Nick

    Dammit, my tongue isn’t going to be long enough to satisfy Angela Gossow either. Guess I’ll have to stick to nailing the girls in Kittie.

  • Hammer_Smashed_Hurtt

    I literaly want to pull this kids lungs out….i took anger management to stop thinking things like this but jeezus guys…

  • Slammm

    You guys seem to have a lot of pictures of this kid in the bathroom …. is that toe tapping I hear

    • http://www.conorschaefer.com/blog/ Conor

      Win! Win! Win!

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    It has a dick shoved so far up its ass, it’s coming out the mouth.

  • terrybeans84

    “give me your adress there”

  • Dozer

    “There’s no reason I can’t have down syndrome AND a painfully fashionable due”

  • Bloodypuppet

    Shut up Mom, I like Kate Gosselin’s haircut!!!

  • Anti-Ignorance

    I may never eat pussy in my entire life, but at least I have the haircut of someone who does on a regular basis.

  • Gonzotothemax

    “There’s Something about Mary” to the extreme. Looks like it wasn’t the intented spot though… Spunky.

  • lamb of god forbid

    Mom?!?! Where’s the toilet paper? I’ve got a turtle head poking out!

  • lamb of god forbid

    Japan finally creates a monster worthy of Godzilla’s wrath

  • lamb of god forbid

    “DAMMIT! I can NOT believe someone stole my sweet shades I had on in my last pic! Guess it’s back to combing my bangs over my eyes again”

  • Aled

    Gay

    • Aled

      Uber Gay