MetalSucks

I want to take a shit in your mouth.

Why does this song sound so familiar? Oh, yeah:

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[Thanks: Ranpal Chana]

Back in December we reported that Mike Patton would be scoring Crank 2: High Voltage, which, if the original Crank is any indication, is going to be more retarded fun than GI Joe, Transformers 2, and every other stupid summer action movie combined.

The Playlist is now streaming a track from Patton’s score, “The Hammer Drops.” It is in no way, shape or form metal, but it does sound like it will be the perfect soundtrack to watch Jason Statham kill people in ridiculously violent ways and/or fuck Amy Smart in public.

Patton’s full Crank 2 score will be released on April 7; the film itself hits theaters April 21. Check out the trailer after the jump if you haven’t seen it already. Unfortunately, that is a Chester Bennington cameo you see – but fucker’s presence didn’t ruin the first film, so I don’t think it’ll matter much here.

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So. Unless you live under a rock, chances are you’re aware that the movie adaptation of Watchmen opens tomorrow. The reviews are decidedly mixed and I’m still not convinced it won’t suck, but it’s already apparently making a ton of bank in ticket pre-sales, so, uh, yeah, people wanna see this bitch I guess.

Anyways, this week iTunes had some members of the cast do their celebrity playlist thing. A few actors chose a few metal songs – Patrick Wilson (who plays “Nite Owl II”) has some Van Halen and Extreme songs, Malin Akerman (”Silk Spectre II”) has some Nine Inch Nails, Jeffery Dean Morgan (”The Comedian”) was apparently pals with Layne Staley and included “Rooster” in his mix, etc.

But Jackie Earle Haley – the Oscar nominated actor playing the ultimate right wing sociopathic fascistic badass, Rorschach – created a list that is almost entirely comprised of metal.

Terrible metal.

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All is not lost in the world of metal; in fact, this past week brought some nice surprises, along with the usual mish-mash of shitty radio rock bands. Last week’s sales numbers, with our usual sardonic commentary, after the jump. (Hint: look at the tags below, and click “read more” if any of those bands interest you!).

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File this under “things the world absolutely does not need,” right between “Limp Bizkit reunion” and “Sarah Palin presidency;” Billboard reports that apparently Linkin Park have a concept record in the works for their next album. The band will start recording next month, just before their new live album drops around Thanksgiving.

Singer Chester Bennington is choosing to be coy on the matter: “I’m not sure I’m allowed to say what the big plan is,” he says, but the band “never envisioned ourselves doing a concept record, but we see an opportunity to do something really cool so we jumped on it, and we’ll see how it comes out. I think it’s a challenge and we’ll see if we can rise to the occasion.”

Here’s to hoping Linkin Park absolutely do not rise to the occasion. Lord knows we could always use something else to laugh at around here.

-VN

Projekt Revulsion – er, Revolution – Linkin Suck’s answers to Ozzfest/Summer Sanitarium/summer package tour of your choice, has announced its line-up for this year’s edition, and in addition to headliners The Chester Bennington Comedy Hour, the mainstage will include Chris Cornell, The Bravery, and Ashes Divide. Second stage performers will include Atreyu, 10 Years, Hawthorne Heights, and Armor for Sleep.

Okay, so I’m dying to see Ashes Divide live (or, for that matter, hear their album in its entirety – I don’t know how the label has done such a solid job of preventing it from leaking with only a week left ’til its release, for but good for them), but otherwise, this has to the tour to skip this summer. As of late, Chris Cornell seems to be going out his way to become a caricature of his former self, 10 Years, Hawthorne Heights and Armor for Sleep all blow goats, and even though I liked some of Atreyu’s pre-Lead Sails offerings, their live show is a painful demonstration of how reliant they are on Pro Tools and other studio chicanery.

I don’t know much about The Bravery but they strike me as the kind of band that is listened to exclusively by anorexic hipsters in skinny black jeans. Actually, they seem kind of out of place on this tour.

It’s interesting that Linkin Suck are booking a tour that’s so light on heavy bands. I wonder if that’s because they’re booked elsewhere or because Mike Shitoda and company are deliberately trying to distance themselves from the metal world that has so forcefully and maliciously busted their balls for the past seven years. Debate amongst yourselves while I pray for an Ashes Divide solo tour.

-AR

“Perfect Insanity” — the first single from the new Disturbed album Indestructible, out June 3 — has leaked. If you have Google and a brain you can surely find an mp3, or you can head over to the official Disturbed website, give them your email address, then rip it. Or you can listen via this little handy-dandy player below, streamed directly from their site (see? we’re not pirates):

Disturbed – “Perfect Insanity”

You guys really came up with some great names when we asked you what the new nickname for Disturbed should be. My personal favorites were Briss-turbed (In honor of Draiman’s religious penis decapitation), Pissturbed, Pissturd, and devil’s entry “I’m hoping to eventually call them DISSOLVED,” (good one!).

As for the new song, well, Disturbed have gone and pulled a Linkin Park and re-wrote the same song, again. Truth be told, the song (or this band) isn’t that terrible, but they’re an easy target and we sure love making fun of ‘em.

-VN