So we’re now five axe slingers deep into out list of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists. We predicted that the list would get a lot of you angry, and, no shock, it has. Funny thing is, reading the comments, as of yet not one of you has correctly predicted which guitar player is gonna be #1. So, just lettin’ you know… you may be even angrier in the coming weeks, or maybe you’ll be less angry, but so far, it seems like you guys just do not see it comin’.

While you chew on that, here’s some other fun things we did this week:

• We premiered new music from Hate Eternal, Arch Enemy, and Nader Sadek.
• We enjoyed a new episode of “Cooking Contaminated,” this one featuring King Fowley of Deceased.
• We checked out the latest releases from Benighted and Zubrowska.
• We wondered if Metallica and friends have gone too far in their quest for the Big Fortune.
• We checked out some *real* hardcore.
• We weighed Donald Trump’s claim that President Obama was the first drummer for Overkill.
• We wondered why talent can’t be passed down via genetics.
• We weighed, compared and contrasted multiple metal concerts showcasing female-fronted bands.
• We prayed for Kurt Cobain to rise from his grave and off Miley Cyrus.
• We wondered whether or not Dave Grohl is gonna be on the new Mastodon album.

And so, in conclusion… I am going to get a slice of pizza now.

See ya next week.

-AR

Miley Cyrus — who wasn’t even two years old when Kurt Cobain killed himself — recently did a live cover of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” and it’s actually pretty interesting. Not because it’s good (see headline), but because it’s literally the first time I’ve ever been able to understand the words to the song. “And I forget just why I taste?” Has that seriously been the lyric this whole time? Fuck me, I really gotta pay more attention to this shit.

ANYWAY, I’m sure this is exactly what Kurt Cobain intended to happen when he wrote the song. I mean, dude refused to tour with Guns N’ Roses, so what objection could he possibly have to Miley Cyrus?

;

I predict that this performance will seem to take on new meaning roughly five to ten years from now, when Miley’s career has tanked and she’s undergone what is commonly known as “The Full Courtney.”

-AR

[via Metal Insider]

Remember earlier this year, when Bret Michaels and Miley Cyrus re-recorded “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” as a duet, and then recorded a new duet with some incredibly sexual lyrics? At the time, I assumed that the 46 year old Michaels was tappin’ the 17 year old Cyrus, but as it turns out, he was probably doin’ her mom instead — at least, the rumor is that their affair is the cause of the pending divorce between Billy Ray Cyrus and Tish Cyrus.

And I don’t know why Tish Cyrus would wanna fuck Bret Michaels. I guess she always had a fantasy in which she slept with a clone of herself, only the clone wore more make-up, and had the facial hair of a barely-pubescent boy.

Of course, now Bret’s publicist has denied the affair, lest it sully his good name:

Click to read more…

Bret Michaels recently recorded two duets with tween sensation Miley Cyrus (who actually looks like more of a dude than he does): one was a cover of Poison’s “Every Rose Has its Thorn” (which I haven’t heard yet), and one was this song, “Nothing to Lose,” which The Huffington Post points out includes the lyrics “Tonight in the darkness there’s nothing to lose/We both know better than this, still we can’t resist/Slowly get undressed.”

And for the record, Michaels is 46, and Cyrus is 17.

So the next seasons of Rock of Love may very well involve Michaels choosing from a batch of large men named “Bubba” in a prison shower.

Thanks to Val for the tip!

-AR

When they’re not wishing ill upon musicians whose work they dislike, nerds in basements are doing things like, say, syncing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with Throwdown, or Spongebob Sploogepants and syncing it up with JFAC. Now Raining Blondes has found the below video, which imagines a world in which Miley Cyrus were a little more like Demi Lovato. (Actual music courtesy Suicide Silence.)

-AR

Our email boxes have been blowing up about this for the past week, but until the BBC and Billboard reported that it actually had legs I just thought it was another ridiculous Internet campaign.

The campaign is an online effort to get Rage Against the Machine’s 1992 hit “Killing in the Name” to grab the top spot on the U.K.’s Christmas Singles chart, a spot that’s been dominated by winners of the “X Factor” TV talent show (similar to American Idol) for the past four years. As of right now the RATM classic actually holds a 10% margin over Joe McElderry’s cover of Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb,” which occupies the number 2 spot at the moment.

Click to read more…