MetalSucks

That’s right, folks, new autobiographies are headed to your nearest bookstore and online retailers from former Guns ‘n Roses drummer/VH1 house boy, Steven Adler and Megadeth mastermind/Metallica thorn, Dave Mustaine.

Adler, renowned not only for being the original drummer for Guns N’ Roses, but also for getting shit-canned by the band for being too much of a druggie, releases his allegedly self-penned account on June 22, entitled My Appetite for Destruction: Sex, and Drugs, and Guns N’ Roses.

I’m looking forward to Adler’s tale of his fall from rock ‘n roll grace, as I considered his druggen misadventures to be the lone highlight from Andy McCoy’s otherwise dreadful Hanoi Rocks tell-all, Sheriff McCoy.

Meanwhile, Dave Mustaine’s autobiography (co-written by Joe Layden of the New York Times), titled, no surprise, Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir, hits the bookshelves on April 13. Dave had originally planned on calling the book, Hello Me… Meet the Real Me, the classic opening line from his 1992 track, “Sweating Bullets.” Word has it that the book may also be titled Wake Up Dead.

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I really wanted to like this book. I really did.

As an old school Hanoi Rocks fan, I assumed this would be an eye-opening tell-all by the man behind the band that spawned sleaze rock which was later ripped off by Guns N’ Roses and lesser lights such as L.A. Guns and Faster Pussycat. Instead, it’s just a big ol’ mess of discombobulated anecdotes that do not enlighten the uninitiated, enthrall those already on board the Hanoi train, nor excite undiscerning lovers of rock ‘n roll.

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In the last few weeks, several of you have emailed the same basic question:

“How is Guns N’ Roses still around if Axl is the only one left?”

While I can’t tell you definitively, here’s how it might have happened.

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My never-ending pursuit of rock star book excellence continues. This week it’s Saul Hudson of Guns N’ Roses fame with his 2007 autobiography Slash, co-authored by Anthony Bozza, and it is the epitome of a killer rock star autobiography.

I had serious doubts about whether or not I was going to like this book. First off, I have no love for Guns N’ Roses beyond Appetite for Destruction. I was one of the band’s biggest fans behind the strength of their Live ?!*@ Like a Suicide EP and AFD. Once Lies came out though, I was done. Couldn’t stand it (the non-Suicide tracks, that is) or them. So that was strike one.

Strike two came in the form of co-author Anthony Bozza, who also performed the same chores on Tommy Lee’s horrendous autobiography Tommyland (read my review here). What a terrible book that was; I lay much of the blame on Bozza’s shoulders.

Obviously, I was skeptical about reading Slash.

I’m happy to report that my skepticism was unfounded. Slash kicks ass!

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Last week, Elise at Reign in Blonde wrote a piece entitled “TOP 5 SONGS I WOULD PROBABLY USE AS MY STRIPPER SONG.”

Improbably enough, this led to a stoned think-session where I came up with a list of the top five songs I would probably use as my own stripper song. ‘Cause I know you all wanna see me strip so badly.

Okay, here we go:

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After weeks of wondering why the fuck Axl Rose was doing nothing to promote Chinese Democracy (which is selling poorly, to put it mildly), early this morning “The Howard Hughes of Rock” added another bizarre chapter to his ongoing saga by answering fans’ questions on the message boards for popular GN’R fan sites Here Today… Gone to Hell! and MyGNR.com (Under the username “Dexter,” because he’s apparently a fan of the television show and has named his cat after the titular serial killer. Seriously.).

Aside from what his reputation may have led us to believe, this was not a Dubya-like pre-planned press conference, and Rose didn’t appear offended by a variety of questions actually worth asking (e.g., Why did the album take so long?, Why did the old band break-up?, etc.). That being said, his answers were typically enigmatic, strange, and, in some cases, unsatisfactory, and anyone who thinks this “promotion” will help sales of the album is kidding themselves – casual fans may hear about this unexpected happening, but it can’t possibly have the same effect as, say, a Rolling Stone cover.

That being said, I don’t think it was Rose’s intention to boost sales* so much as it was simply to communicate, in whatever capacity, with the hardcore fans that continue to hold a candle for him. And that’s actually commendable. You could argue that communicating with fans is what Rose is supposed to do and that patting him on the back for this “interview” of sorts is like rewarding someone for not breaking the law; but the GN’R faithful can give Trekkies a run for their money in the “inappropriately passionate” department, and why rain on their parade? They’ve put up with a lot of shit over the years and deserve this little ray of sunshine.

After the jump, read some of the more interesting Q&As from Rose and his fans, including info on an upcoming video, the (seemingly) already planned re-release of Chinese Democracy, the next GN’R album, and more.

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Are you ready to see some the epitome of the fallen rock star? We thought so.

Original Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven “Sad Sack” Adler is featured on this season’s Celebrity Rehab on VH1. The first episode, which aired this past Thursday, features a sobbing Steven Adler sucking in bong hits at home while moaning about wanting to die, admitting shooting coke into his neck because he’s “got good veins” there, sneaking off to buy crack, and sobbing “I want my best friend Slash back. ‘Cause he means everything in the world to me.” H

Mothers and fathers in the MS readership (I know you’re out there); just show your kids this 4 minute clip instead of whatever schlock anti-drug propaganda they get in school, won’t you?

-VN

[Source: Defamer]

Gilby Clarke is in the new Fall Out Boy video. I have no fucking idea why. I’ve posted it below in case you care, although if you choose to watch, I’d recommend turning the sound off as soon as Gilby’s speaking part is over. Pretty funny to hear Clarke condemning the use of eyeliner on male rockstars, considering he was part of the glam scene and spent 2006 touring with Lukas Skunkhair or whatever his name was.

That would be random enough, but footage of Steven Adler (and other washed-up celebs) on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew has been included in the new Alter Bridge video. I wouldn’t turn the sound on at all for this one, because the song if so fucking awful I’d really expect to hear it in the trailer for the next feel-good woman’s movie starring Diane Lane and whichever post-menopausal closet case was available to film this week. Clip after the jump.

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Former Guns N’ Roses drummer Steven Adler, former Guns N’ Roses/L.A. Guns guitarist Tracii Guns, former collaborator of a former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Eric Dover, and former Guns N’ Roses appreciator Chip Z’Nuff have formed a new supergroup, Guns of Destruction. Aside from being a redundant reminder of the obvious – that guns, y’know, destroy things – the name is a reference not only to Guns N’ Roses and L.A. Guns, but to Brides of Destruction, the last supergroup no one cared about that featured Tracii Guns.

It might also be a really sad way to try and invoke Appetite for Destruction, an  album that 75% of this band made no contribution to but really, really enjoy.

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Former Adler’s Appetite lead vocalist Sheldon Tarsha has inked a deal with Blastzone Entertainment for the retail release of his debut CD, Prophecies.

As lead singer of Adler’s Appetite, Sheldon Tarsha’s vocals were enjoyed by literally dozens of people. Tarsha is thrilled to no longer be held back by having one kinda-sorta-used-to-be famous member in the band, and to now be able to reach a more discerning audience that does not require such a gimmick. Mr. Tarsha* firmly believes that he can be the first cool person in history to bear the name “Sheldon.” Or “Tarsha.”

As the label for such acts as Legs Diamond, Bastardz from Brazil, and Confederacy of Horsepower, Blastzone specializes in bringing the music of bands no one has ever actually heard of before to nobody you’ve ever actually met. They are proud to add the first ever act to their roster who may have actually once played with somone about whom people kinda-sorta-but-not-really care.

For more information, click here.

-AR

*If you can identify Tarsha or any of the other dudes who aren’t Steven Adler in the above photo, you care too much. Also, if you can identify Steven Adler in the above photo, you care too much.