A brief period in the late ’80s and early ’90s yielded a fantastical number of cutting-edge metal bands. Today, fans of this pre-internet groundswell of proggy, arty, and otherwise undefinable bands can rejoice at the reactivation of Coroner, Anacrusis, and the great Atheist. But conspicuously absent is Milwaukee’s Realm, once most likely to succeed among their high-brow ilk. Realm is also noteworthy as Roadrunner A&R giant Monte Conner’s very first signing, one that preceded Sepultura, Obituary, and fellow Wisconsinites Last Crack. Aside from some classy but low-profile reissues of Realm’s dual masterpieces Endless War and Suiciety, Realm buzz has remained low — especially for a band who left fans hanging without completing their sure-to-be awesome third album. I tracked down founding guitarist Takis Kinis (also ex-Beatallica) to get answers to largely unasked questions, and his insights go beyond Realm minutiae to form a sort of Do’s and Don’ts manual for budding young bands. Incredibly, Conner himself took time to stroll down Realm’s memory lane and provide even more invaluable peeks behind the music business curtain (look for his comments in gray). Don’t understand how a brilliant band doesn’t “make it”? Want to avoid the pitfalls of youthful bravado? Thinking of covering a famous Beatles song? Just want to get hip to two of metal’s most overlooked masterpieces? Read on.

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Like Axl said we’re getting on a plane shortly, so let’s make this shit quick. Some emo haircut band called D.R.U.G.S. (just typing that makes me queasy) sold a lot of records, and Devildriver and Darkest Hour did pretty well too. Numbers and commentary after the jump:

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If you don’t understand what that headline is a reference to, you’ve probably got the intelligence of the average fan of said band. And you probably believe in real-life transformers, characters from Street Fighter and the planet Nibiru.

Elsewhere, Deicide had a solid first week while Motorhead and Crowbar had solid second weeks on the Soundscan charts. Let’s check those out and see what else was poppin’.

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Allan Horrocks and Andee Connors run Aquarius Records in San Francisco, CA. It’s the best record store in the country, especially if you don’t live right next to a record store and especially if you like metal. I interviewed them a few months back for the ongoing Taco Riff series, and figured they’d have a good take on all of your holiday shopping. I called them up to get their wrap up on their favorite metal of the year. Although they took notes on what they were going to say, they ignored them entirely almost as soon as we began.

Before we begin, you should sign up for their bi-weekly (now becoming weekly) mailing list of favorite new releases. It’s mindblowing.

We started with me trying to type what they said, but they were going way too fast.

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Derek Kerswill is the current drummer for the mighty Unearth, and has also worked with Kingdom of Sorrow, Seemless, Icepick, and, uh, Stryper. So I was curious to hear Tangents, his new, non-metal side project, ’cause, well, I’m always curious to hear the non-metal talented metal dudes make — it always feels like it gives me some deeper insight into where they’re coming from, for lack of a better term.

Well, Noisecreep is now streaming a new Tangents track, “The Pieces Fall,” and while I’m digging the music, which is as catchy as anything you’d get from making out with Tommy Lee, Dave Witham’s vocals just don’t do it for me. I don’t think Witham is a bad singer, from a technical standpoint; which is to say, he doesn’t sound like so much of the autotuned crap I hear these days. They’re just a little too thin. It’s kinda like how when I was a kid, I’d go to the movies and see dudes like Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis, and they were man; now I go see guys like Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, and while they’re certainly talented, they all look kinda like boys, still waiting for the facial hair to come in and their voices to drop. Witham’s vocal style gives me the aural equivalent of that same feeling.

But like I said, the music is good, and I’m sure that, as always, plenty of you will disagree with my assessment. Check out Tangents’ “The Pieces Will Fall” here, and then come back and let us know what you think in the comments section. Tangents’ debut album, One Little Light Year, comes out October 26.

-AR

The Metal Sucks staff may have more “-stein” and “-berg” surnames than the trading floor of a Wall Street investment bank, but I know Axl and Vince are open to exploring the entire spectrum of global faiths. I am sure we can also agree that music is the one common thread that unites all of us, so what better way to learn about Jesus Christ than through my favorite thing: BREAKDOWNS!

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If the you young ‘uns don’t know Stryper, well, they were like the Underoath or Demon Hunter of their day. Which is to say, they played Christian metal. Their songs had names like “To Hell with the Devil,” and “Calling On You,” and for their 1985 album, they even covered “Battle Hymn of the Republic (Glory, Glory, Hallelujah),” which may still be the single lamest metal cover of a non-metal song ever, which is really saying something.

Now the band is working on a covers album, which will include their take on songs by the homos in Judas Priest, the blasphemous, drug addled guys in Black Sabbath, and the Jews in Kiss.

I don’t really have much else to say about this… it just made me laugh. Fingers crossed that they add a song by Slayer or Mayhem to the mix…

-AR

Our friend Allyson at Bring Back Glam has been reporting from Rocklahoma all week. She’s obviously a big fan of the event, given that a) she runs a site all about glam and b) she wrote the text for the Rocklahoma coffee table book that came out last year.

But she’s been making (perfectly valid) complaints about this year’s fest for the past ten months, taking issue in particular with this year’s line-up. And as it turns out, she was totally correct: attendance at this summer’s edition of the event was apparently abysmal.

Check out this photo Allyson took of the crowd. This was at dusk; if it was Ozzfest, everyone who skipped the second stage would be starting to pile in right about this time. No such luck for Great White, even though there was absolutely no chance of being burned alive at the outdoor venue:

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[Welcome to our new column Hair Metal Happy Hour, which will be manned by the fine writer Michael S. Robinson. Things have been admittedly less hairy around here lately, but we hope to rectify that situation with this semi-regular column. Huh huh, he said "rectum-fry." - Ed.]

It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost twenty years since glorious hair metal ruled the charts and MTV. Once the crispy, crunchity sounds of the Pacific northwest took over, many of our cock-rocking heroes from the 80s faded into oblivion, while others continued to record sporadically, enjoying varying degrees of success, or lack thereof.

Now it’s 2008, almost 20 years to the day since Stryper released In God We Trust, and we find ourselves in the midst of unarguably the greatest year for hair metal releases since the 1980s. I’m not sure what any of us have done to bring about this incredible turn of good fortune, but it’s worth pausing to analyze, and give thanks for the bounty of hair metal we have been given, and are about to receive, in 2008.

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