Rampant Rumors

F*CK YOU, INTERNET DORKS! PHIL FASCIANA IS KEEPING OUR STREETS SAFE!

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This just in: Malevolent Creation’s Phil Fasciana is officially a douche turd.

As you may recall, in the past week Fasciana has claimed to have lived the life of Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57 (see 1:49 – 3:00 above), heroically and single-handedly foiling a convenience store robbery by wrestling the gun away from the bad guy and then shooting him in the face. Which sounds pretty awesome, except that the cops say it’s all bullshit.

Well, Fasciana has now released yet another statement to Blabbermouth. Here it is, in its entirety, with my comments in bold:

“Concerning this idiotic debate over my involvement in an attempted robbery and shootout, I wish everyone would believe it is not true We do believe that it is not true and leave me the fuck alone. No such luck there, fuck-o.

“For all the retards who hide behind a computer all day at mommy’s house Well, you’re half right I guess and talk shit about rumors on Blabbermouth and other heavy metal-related websites, you need to get a life!!!! Get out of the house and maybe someone will try robbing and shooting you one day!!!! Seriously, that’s your argument? If I went outside someone might try to kill me? Why the fuck would I ever go outside then? Then I would like to hear your reaction!!! Clearly, my reaction would be to e-mail Blabbermouth about it. ‘Cause that’s logical.

“I never posted or told anyone but my brother You killed a man and didn’t tell anyone about it? What was that band practice like? about what happened to me afterwards. But you admit that you’re in control of the e-mail address that sent the story to Blabbermouth – the same e-mail address from which you sent this latest missive. So either you sent it, you’ve been hacked, or your brother is using your e-mail account and is a real fuckstain. I don’t see any way in which you win this round. Why would I post something that horrible on Blabbermouth or anywhere on the Internet Apparently to prove you go outside and have people know what I had just gone through? I mean, in all fairness, you’re not the one with two bullets in your face. I found out by friends a day later that they read that news about on Blabbermouth And none of them were like “Dude, you SHOT SOMEONE? Why didn’t you tell us?!?!”. Why and who posted, I have no idea Apparently someone with access to your e-mail and it has nothing to do with music or my band, so why it would be on a website that is and used to be about finding out information about heavy metal bands and the news concerning the bands that have news to release about there bands future happenings and releases I had to read that last part six times just to try and understand what the fuck you’re saying. That is barely English. And it starts as a questions and ends as a statement. In conclusion, I think evolution skipped over your family. Now it is just a big gossip column for people who have no life and talk shit about people.

“This is the second incident I have been involved with that resulted in someone dying in South Florida and I’m glad they both were not glorified in the news and press. The rest of that sentence was “…by anyone other than me.”

“A few years ago me and a friend were driving on a very busy street in Ft. Lauderdale when a drunk homeless man ran into the street and we ran him down and killed him and there was no way to avoid it. It was in the afternoon with many witnesses, and when the police arrived, we told them what happened and let us leave and that was the end of story!!! OOOOO-kay. Let’s just back up for a second. They just let you leave on the spot? I don’t buy that any more than I buy that you thwarted a homicidal crackhead criminal and there were no headlines or, apparently, police reports. Also, Jesus Christ dude, how many fucking people have you killed??? Me and my friend were mortified and there was no news about it or information given to us afterwards at anytime.

“South Florida has bigger problems then homeless people robbing liquor stores and small corner stores with hopes of getting caught to go to jail purposely so they have a home for a few days!!! Yeah. Like homeless people robbing liquor stores and small corner stores with hopes of getting caught to go to jail purposely so they have a home for a few days, only to get shot by a member of a third-rate death metal band.

“My mother was robbed at gunpoint after leaving work and trying to make a money deposit after her work day She was leaving work after her work day? Thanks for clarifying, Phil, I was real confused there for a second and got robbed for over $25,000 of the store she manages money and never got any justice and there was no news or anything done for her. Then again, she didn’t get shot twice in the face. Do you understand the difference?

“Two of my good friends were gunned down in a Denny’s restaurant parking lot and killed for no reason and nothing was done or had any news about what happened to them and that is heavy shit!!!! Holy shit dude, your life is clearly just like the Death Wish franchise. Ever see those? In part one they rape his daughter and kill his wife, in part two they kill his daughter, in part three they kill his best friend from ‘Nam, in part four they kill his fianceé and her daughter, and in part five they kill his new fianceé. Clearly, everyone who hangs out with Charles Bronson is doomed, and everyone who hangs out with you is more or less completely fucked, too.

“Believe what you idiots want!!! I believe I can construct a more coherent lie than this one, that’s for sure. This whole incident is as dead to me as the fool who tried killing me!!!!! Was he fool, or some poor homeless guy looking to get arrested so he could have a roof over his head? Make up your mind already. This is why I haven’t gone to Blabbermouth for music news a few years ago. You haven’t gone a few years ago. Okey dokey. There is hardly any music-related news. If someone in a band has a hangnail or stubbed their toe, it is reported on Blabbermouth and people shit-talk about it. That might be a fair criticism, if you weren’t so clearly a liar and an inbred moron.

“Some of you people need to get a real life. Like making up stories about getting all Rambo on muthafuckas. When something horrible or tragic happens to someone or someone’s family So tragic that you initially gloated that “the store owner has offered me a lifetime of chocolate milk! Ha Ha!” that can create problems and drama, most people would like to keep that news out of press just like me. Which is why you e-mailed Blabbermouth about it. Because of retards that have nothing better to do than spread rumors and news As opposed to just making shit up as we go along, it’s too late for me to have my family not know about what happened to me and has caused even more problems for me and my family.

“And for the record, the robbery and shootout didn’t happen in Ft. Lauderdale!! So there is some more wrong info for you idiots to debate about. Okay. Please please please send Blabbermouth – or me, for that matter – any fucking proof whatsoever that this took palce in any part of Florida or the United States or North America or the Planet Fucking Earth.

“I have been in jail and arrested for many stupid things while living in South Florida and I never got to make the news down here WHICH I WHY I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS! and I’m glad!!!! As I’m sure many other people who have been involved with tragic or embarrassing incidents How is this embarrassing, other than that you’ve been caught in a lie? “Gee, there was this bad dude and I capped his ass. I turned bright red afterwards, it was so embarrassing, just like that time I farted in church or tripped on the street.” that got them involved or in trouble would like it as well.

“Believe what you want!!! I’m going to band practice!!!! I have a life!!!”

Unfortunately, Fasciana never made it to band practice. He got stuck in the Nakatomi Tower and had to take out Hans Gruber. Another tragedy avoided, all thanks to the dude from Malevolent Creation!

-AR

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