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Not to Be Outdone by Slipknot, Other Metal Bands Announce Fragrance Lines

  • Axl Rosenberg

Woman spraying perfume with perfume atomizer, close-up of handsAs you may have heard, next month’s Knotfest will feature “Scent of Knotfest,” — burning oil drums full of not just oil, but also camel shit. While those of us who won’t be attending the fest can only hope that the band decides to release “Scent of Knotfest” as a fragrance sold by fine perfumiers everywhere so that our nostrils, too, can imbibe these delicious smells, other metal bands have now begun to announce their own perfumes and colognes (Slipknot have always been trendsetters). Here’s a run down of fragrances announced in the past twenty-four hours:

Scent of Motörhead — Cocaine and whiskey
Scent of Slayer — Rain and blood
Scent of Anthrax — Cow dung and Burger King
Scent of Mötley Crüe — Used condoms and burning cars
Scent of Alice in Chains — Heroin and rooster
Scent of Rammstein — Kerosene and crusty vibrators
Scent of Fear Factory — Pizza vomit and Doritos farts
Scent of Butcher Babies — Tits and ass
Scent of Shadows Fall — Patchouli oil and Fenway Park
Scent of Emmure — Overheated NES and ball sweat
Scent of Poison — Hair spray and botox
Scent of Metallica — Smells good for a few hours, then starts to smell horrible
Scent of KISS — Money
Scent of Disturbed — Monkey
Scent of Napalm Death — Napalm (duh)
Scent of Weedeater — Weed (duh)
Scent of Anal Cunt — Anus and vagina (duh)
Scent of Pig Destroyer — Bacon (duh)
Scent of Cattle Decapitation — Soy bacon and humanure
Scent of Cannibal Corpse — Body odor and Stridex
Scent of Six Feet Under — Discounted version of Scent of Cannibal Corpse
Scent of Thy Art is Murder — 100% pure bullshit
Scent of Ozzy — Actually a psychotropic drug that will temporarily induce complete confusion on the part of anyone who wears it
Scent of Rings of Saturn — “All natural” scents created by a computer
Scent of L.A. Guns —  Scent will change weekly
Scent of Carcass — Decaying corpses
Scent of The Black Dahlia Murder — Scent of Carcass in a different bottle

Look for these scents at fine retailers everywhere starting soon!

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