The Satanic Temple to Offer After-School Satan Club


Ah, the Satanic Temple, our favorite organization that entirely misses the point. With the help of Vital Remains vocalist Brian Warner, the Temple has made some change throughout America, specifically building a monument to Baphomet meant for Oklahoma city that finally found its home in Detroit. Now, they’ve set their sites on new territory: our nation’s public schools.

The Satanic Temple has started a program called After School Satan Club, which seeks to teach rationalism in a fun, educational way to children within our public schools. Meetings of the club will involve a basic review of critical thinking, a literature lesson, an art project, and a healthy snack. Parents can find out about the program here, but have to sign this permission slip first.

Satanic Temple co-founder and spokesperson said the following:

“It’s important that children be given an opportunity to realize that the evangelical materials now creeping into their schools are representative of but one religious opinion amongst many. While the Good News Clubs focus on indoctrination, instilling them with a fear of Hell and God’s wrath, After School Satan Clubs will focus on free inquiry and rationalism, the scientific basis for which we know what we know about the world around us. We prefer to give children an appreciation of the natural wonders surrounding them, not a fear of everlasting other-worldly horrors.”

The Temple has also produced the following promotional video for the program:

Cool, huh? Yeah, not really.

Look, I love the Devil as much as the next guy — scratch that, I love the Devil waaaay more than the next guy. He’s the second-coolest fictional character of all time. I even love practicing witchcraft and performing the occasional Satanic ritual, because hey, who doesn’t like theater? But this whole program comes off as poorly conceived and totally uninterested in the cause it claims to promote.

First off, as always the Satanic Temple are showing how much they need the Christian church by hoping to counter the Good News Club. They got a thing –w e should get a thing too! But aren’t you now just trying to shove a different doctrine down the throats of kids?

Second, you’re trying to teach rationalism and critical thought…to children? They’re kids! Let kids be kids! Let them believe Santa and Spider-Man and Dora the Explorer are all real! Sure, we shouldn’t try to convince them that God will send them to Hell if they forget to floss or whatever, but trying to teach them the hard realities of life seems like a serious Dick Move.

And finally, look at that fucking video. Why are you promoting what you claim is a good time for kids with sounds and imagery that seem to come from the dreams of a serial killer? As with LaVey’s Church of Satan, the Satanic Temple waves the flag of critical thinking, but still wants to be dark and menacing. If they really cared about opening the minds of children, they would promote it in ways that appeal to children and parents alike.

Anyway, if you’re a Satanic metalhead who wants your kid to believe what you believe, the After School Satan Club might be right for you. For the rest of us, who want our kids to have a childhood and make their own decisions, there’s Hevisaurus:

[via Metal Insider]

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