Just a Photo of Glenn Danzig Wrapping Christmas Presents, Nothing to See Here
Glenn Danzig has become known for many things over his years in the public eye as a mesh shirt model and occasional bit part actor. Cleaning up his motherfucking bricks, demanding French onion soup and shopping for kitty litter are likely his greatest hits, while lesser known deep cuts worthy of inclusion on any Danzig-related compilation include claiming chemo kills cancer patients, his interest in the illuminati and that horrible covers album he made when he attempted to pivot into music. And lest we not forget the incident that launched his entire career: getting knocked out by that dude in North Side Kings, a band whose biggest claim to fame, in a startling reversal of fortune, became knocking out Glenn Danzig.
Because the internet is the gift that keeps on giving, and no good deed shall go unpunished, today we present you with the latest entry in the brick-cleaner’s storied canon: Glenn Danzig wrapping Christmas presents. BEHOLD:
MetalSucks has it on good authority that the above is 100% real, its authenticity verified by our crack team of Danzig-devoted MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys. Despite Danzig’s aversion to social media and his infamously camera-shy personality — be it professional or for fan mementos — what you see is, in fact, Danzig wrapping a Christmas present, just as you and I do. Wearing A SCOWL ON HIS FACE. With bare feet. BARE FEET!
So just how, then, did this absolute nugget of a snapshot make its way into the world?
It would seem that the photo originated with Glenn’s girlfriend, the model and actress Ashley Michele Wisdom. While the snap isn’t live on Ashley’s account as of the time I’m writing this, a comment she left on film director Scott Crawford’s Instagram account (@saladdazed), on which the image is re-posted, implies she absent-mindedly let it slip out into the world and soon thereafter realized the beast she’d unleashed:
Wisdom added that the couple keep two residences — the one she decorated is the one in the photo — and that “he’s not into it, but it’s my style.”
Other comments on the above post, needless to say, are rife with Danzig-related puns and jabs, ranging from “I got something to say. I wrapped your present today,” to comments on his toenail health and the color of scissors he’s using (pink, of course).
Naturally the existence of this photo — how often do we get new Danzig photos? once every five years? — has led to the creation of countless memes, like this gem by @curbyrdog:
Now it’s your turn, internet: do what do you do! Make your own version of the photo, send it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org with GLENNGARRY GLENNDANZIG as the subject, and we’ll post our favorites tomorrow.