Green Eggs and Slam

ISSUES: The Band That (Finally) Gets Nu-Metal Right

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I always wanted to like nu-metal, but I just couldn’t do it. Don’t get me wrong, I can get down with a few select albums like early CRAZYTOWN and the CHIMAIRA ep (when they were nu-metal not ‘american thrash’ or whatever they were later called) but no matter how hard I tried, nu-metal disappointed me even more than when I find a new Sasha Grey video but it’s one where she has bush :( That is, until I heard what is IMO the first band to truly get nu-metal right: Rise Records standouts ISSUES.

Reason why ISSUES gets nu-metal so, so right:

  • Band is made up of good-looking guys with cool haircuts in skinny jeans instead of grose losers with long, stringy hair who look like they dropped out of 9th grade to work at a cardboard box factory
  • Crowd is all 10/10 scene girls who look like they smell really good, not a sea of whales in HELLYEAH crop tops with c-section scars and muffintops spilling out over the top of their pleather pants (brb barfing)
  • A vocalist who can actually SING, which means they have sweet R&B/dubstep-ish breakdown parts instead of those stupid parts that every dumb 90s/00s nu-metal band did where the retard singer would be whispering over an eerie guitar riff all like “don’t mess with me cuz I’m KRAZY and I might SNAP!!!!”
  • Hnnnnnnngg the bounce riff at the beginning of this song. But also, there are breakdowns. LOTS AND LOTS OF BREAKDOWNS. And obviously any genre of music is improved by adding breakdowns, not to mention some of the loudest fucking 808 drops I’ve ever heard in my life.

in b4 “DEFEND TR00 NU-METAL” butthurtness.

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