W.A.S.P. have had a problem putting on drama-free shows as of late. They cancelled a few too many here in the States this year, and while the band actually managed to show up for their gig in Orebro, Sweden this past Friday night, they weren’t able to get through the concert without incident: Classic Rock tells us that a “drunken fan” bit the ear off of a security guard at the venue. As though there were such a thing as a sober W.A.S.P. fan.

More tragic, though, is that in addition to biting the poor guy’s ear off, the fan apparently “verbally attacked the guard.” I’m sure the guard’s feelings were very hurt.

Actually, anyone know if the fan verbally attacked the guard before or after he bit his ear off? ‘Cause if it was after, the guard might not have been able to hear it anyway.

Against everyone’s best judgment, Swedish officials announced that Blackie Lawless would still be allowed to live.

-AR

So as it turns out, Blackie Lawless is a real asshole — but that doesn’t change the fact that W.A.S.P. rocks, and that no artist should have to put up with shit from Tipper Gore.

And no husband should, either. So what if Al Gore was actually a closet metal head, and his divorce from Tipper meant he could finally rock out with his cock out? This is the scenario painted by the always brilliant The Onion:

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Anso can have Steel Panther, Vince can have Ratt, and you, Reader, can have Quiet Riot (even though Frankie Banali played in W.A.S.P. for quite a while, Quiet Right still sucks in this guy’s book). Pretty much everyone in Mötley Crüe has proven to be a scuzzbag in one form or another aside from Mick Mars — the poor guy — but if we’re doling out Sunset Strip bands to worship (that don’t feature Axl Rose — no fair), let me get first dibs on W.A.S.P. Sure, my family looks at me a little weird and even my best friend doesn’t “get it” when I crank the iPod or put Inside The Electric Circus on the turntable, but what do they all know anyway?

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As much as I love (most) hair metal and loathe (most) nu-metal, I do have to admit that there seems to be some unspoken ongoing competition between the two genres – not to see which one can sell the most records (I suspect that hair metal wins in that regard, given that those bands’ reign lasted longer, and occurred in a purely pre-internet error), but, rather, which genre can ultimately embarrass itself more. And while you’d think that any genre that routinely invited DJs in the fold would pretty much win in a cakewalk, some days I really do think that, nope, hair metal has more idiots.

For example: remember when some former members of Snot tried to re-form that group even though Lynn Strait is dead, and then, when that didn’t work out, they decided to reform under the name “Tons,” which, all you Einsteins will surely notice, is just “Snot” spelled backwards? That was pretty dumb, right? It would be hard to imagine a stupider scenario in which former members of a famous band try to re-form under a different name, but are sure to choose one that lets everyone know their point of origin.

But if you can’t imagine a stupider scenario, it’s not because you’re lacking in creativity; it’s simply because you’re not stupid enough. But Chris Holmes is stupid enough. He some other former members of W.A.S.P. have formed Where Angels Suffer, or – yep yep! – W.A.S.

They named their band “W.A.S.” Just let that sink in for a minute.

I almost feel bad for these dudes who are so desperately clinging to the glories of their past just to put food on the table, but then again, this:

-AR

1. Endure a political lecture from Blackie Lawless.
2. Take an I.Q. exam designed by Korn fans.
3. Pose for a Paul Stanley-painted portrait of my taint for his next exhibit.
4. Try to teach my dog to play The Binary Code’s “Suspension of Disbelief” on the ukulele.
5. Watch Lita Ford and Jim Gillette fuck, then Tweet about it.
6. Help produce British Steel Drums: The World’s Most Irritating Tribute to Judas Priest.
7. Let Marilyn Manson spit in my mouth.
8. Let the dude from Weedeater clean his gun while it’s aimed directly at my face.
9. Tie Billy Milano to my penis and toss him over the side of a roof.
10. Pretend to be a solicitor, call the Dio residence, and ask if Ronnie is available.

So stop e-mailing us about it.

-AR

It’s a little known fact that MetalSucks co-jefe Vince Neilstein (pictured here with partner Axl Rosenberg) is a power-mad tyrant who controls the MS writer corps with manipulation and implicit threats of violence. Yeah, he seems like a cool guy, really, but would you believe that he can intercept my brainwaves via mobile phone? Or that I’m certain he is responsible for the invisible helicopter that’s been following me since St. Patty’s? Oh, you think I’m crazy? And paranoid? So, okay, I see you’d have me believe it’s just coincidence that my favorite toothpaste went on sale the day after I bought a tube. Wake the fuck up, dude. It’s all Neilstein. He’s everywhere and nowhere, an evil puppet master always wanting more, more, MORE from the once-mighty writers whom he has enslaved. Cross him and pay the price.

Well, mind control must be draining Neilstein’s lifeforce lately because the usual neighborhood dogs haven’t accosted me and barked his commands since last month, when an unleashed great dane warned me to “rop riting arout rAerosmith ror relse.” No, now he’s keeping it simple, all casually mentioning The Apex Theory in MetalSucks last week as though he had no knowledge of my secret, shameful plans to revive print discussion of that very band on this very site. Sure, an unsuspecting reader will see his Apex piece as an innocent bit of pithy writing, oblivious to the coded messages within that order us MS underlings to forgo rest and hygiene to write endlessly about stuff like the impact of Steve Vai-era Whitesnake and The Top 10 Worst Metal Bands Whose Cumulative Age is 95. How can you all be so blind?

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UPDATE: Apparently Blackie broke out after refusing to pay the club a $198 food bill. Classy dude. Get the full skinny at SMN.

The cancellation of last week’s W.A.S.P. show here in New York was allegedly for very noble reasons – the promoters were charging fans extra for a meet and greet session, which is apparently a big no-no in W.A.S.P.-land – but why did the band cancel another concert last night, this time in Allentown, PA? Metal Insider’s Bram Teitelman (who cleverly suggests that W.A.S.P. must stand for “We Are Screwing Promoters”) did some investigating, and it seems that the reasons behind the cancellation were not quite as chivalrous this time around…

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It’s basically impossible for me to take “Babylon’s Burning,” the new video from W.A.S.P., at all seriously. Maybe inter-cutting footage of Nazis with the number “666″ as Blackie Lawless sings the number “666″ should strike me as being metal as fuck, but, mostly, it strikes me as an old-man who used to make headlines by being shocking trying desperately, and failing miserably, to be shocking again. Also, the song sucks.

Marilyn Manson, watch this video closely: this is your future.

-AR

For a horribly misguided, washed-up hair-metal star who compared Barack Obama to Hitler, it turns out that Blackie Lawless can still kick out the jams. Not only is Blackie Lawless still alive but apparently W.A.S.P have a new album called Babylon coming out on October 12th. Here’s the new single, “Crazy,” sent in by longtime MS Maniac Steve Stamopoulos. And you know what? It ain’t bad.

-VN

This is Blackie Lawless talking about Barack Obama in Classic Rock magazine (via Blabbermouth):

“He’s one of these old-time 60s radicals from way back. He thinks he’s going to change the world and he’s hell-bent on doing that. When he stood there the night of the nomination and he said that he intended on ‘fundamentally changing’ America – a chill ran down my back. Thousands of people were just standing there, wildly applauding, and it reminded me of Hitler standing on the steps of the Reichstag.”

Here’s what went through my mind imediately after I read this:

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Former buzzsaw cod-piece wearing, red meat slinging, naked woman whipping, beast fucker Blackie Lawless of 80′s second-tier hair metal has-beens W.A.S.P. is currently frothing rabid saliva in the mouth over the latest threat to the U.S. of A.: Barack Obama.

Last week, Lawless displayed his current addiction to rabid right-wing talking points when he posted an anti-Obama screed on W.A.S.P.’s website here. Apparently, Blackie has been hiding out in his Topanga Canyon mansion near the Pacific Ocean, in the den of liberalism, with four televisions turned to Fox News, seven stereos blaring out Rush Limbaugh, and four computers and two laptops with The Drudge Report on his screens

Here are some red meaty chunks provided by Lawless in his rant:

This man is a product of that Extreme Leftist – Marxist movement that has been building in this country for over 40 years. He is a product of the Harvard far left. He is the face and mouthpiece of a movement that is Hell Bent on breaking up the U. S. Constitution and reassembling it to conform to their vision. He is a lawyer, the Democratic Johnny Cochran, in which every time he speaks gives a closing argument. He is the embodiment of the New Democratic Machine.

and this:

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