It goes without saying that an attractive women at a metal show is about as common as a MetalSucks reader who’s seen a vagina somewhere other than the internet. That’s why things like Revolver‘s “12 Hottest Chicks In Metal” calendar are little more than a cheap lie: a more honest title would be “Complete List of Hot Chicks in Metal.”

With such a shortage of ass, metal hotties are in high demand, and men are forced to make tough choices — and what tougher choice is there to make than the classic game of FUCK, MARRY, OR KILL? If you aren’t familiar, FMK is a game in which you are given a list of three names and must choose which one you would fuck, marry and kill. I figured it would be good practice for readers to choose which metal hotties they would eff, marry and kill — check out the menu after the break!

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Proving that you can make almost any awesome metal song sound like total garbage if you want to, Andy Rehfeldt (whomever that is) did the below “Radio Disney version” of Cannibal Corpse’s “Hammer Smashed Face.”

I don’t even think Demi Lovato would approve of this.

The upside is, I don’t think I’ve ever heard the lyrics to this song sung so clearly…

-AR

Thanks to Drewski for the tip!

Well, not really of course. For the time being, Demi Lovato is still more metal than these virgins. Still, this video is fun:

Thanks to reader Gordon Koch for the tip!

-AR

UPDATE: Elise at Reign in Blonde points out that this pic is, indeed, Photoshopped. Oh well.

Hornsup editor Matheus Moura sent me the below picture this morning of the suddenly-quite-popular-amongst-pedophilic-metalheads Demi Lovato.

And I’m all for welcoming new people into the metal community and I understand that the children are our future who will keep metal alive and blah blah blah, but this is just… wrong. And not in a good way.

-AR

A friend sent us the below clip of Demi Lovato talking about her appreciation of Job for a Cowboy, Abigail Williams and Maylene and the Sons of Disaster (go to 3:16 in the clip). Of course, I had to use Wikipedia to figure out who the fuck Demi Lovato is, and turns out she has exactly the kind of career you’d expect her to based on her appearance. Still, I guess if she can get some twelve year old girls into JFAC, it’s all good… right?

In other news, good to see that Jimmy Fallon is still a massive tool.

-AR