When @AlishaThrashion tweeted from the Music As a Weapon tour stop in New Jersey on Wednesday that there was a Hasid in the moshpit, I responded with what any skeptical Jew like myself would: “pics or it didn’t happen.” And within a few minutes, I had the above in my inbox.

Pretty awesome (moshpit dude, if you’re reading this — you rule). Metal knows no religious boundaries! So I got to thinkin’… what are some funny Music As A Weapon-related puns we can connect to Jewish themes? (For those who don’t know, your editors are Jewish, so we can make these jokes guilt-free). Bands on the tour are Disturbed, Killswitch Engage, Lacuna Coil and Chimaira. Examples:

Gifiltefish Engage
The Impossibility of Kvetching
Alice or Just Shvitzing
Down With the 10 Plagues

Winner gets some cool posters and stickers in the mail. Go!

I really couldn’t give a fuck what some dude in Underoath says about Avenged Sevenfold, but lots of you have been emailing us about this and besides, this is the kind of shit-kicking we specialize in around here, no? So apparently Metal Hammer was out with Underoath in Austria and Italy and got this choice nugget out of guitarist Tim McTague:

“People might associate us with Avenged Sevenfold because they’re pissed republicans and ‘so metal’, but they’re a gimmick, they’re a circus. They can play [corrected] but they can’t write songs. What’s worse is the way they look. If you need to have make-up and crappy names like Synyster Gates to sell records, then you shouldn’t be here.

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When you talk about Cristina Scabbia, bewitching singer of Italy’s Lacuna Coil, it’s tempting to devote poetic volumes to descriptions of her melodic acumen, intoxicating voice, and oppressive physical beauty. Even knowing all this, I was still able to be surprised by Scabbia’s effortless coolness: the reader has to imagine her expressing polite disagreement by gently raising the pitch of her voice, dismissing haters with venomless derision, and discoursing like someone casually thinking aloud. Conversely, picture the interviewer perplexed by feelings of sexual longing for his phone, from which Scabbia’s oddly musical speaking voice emanated. (It didn’t help that Scabbia thoughtlessly spoke of wanting more and more, improving your stuff, and getting squeezed in the studio.)

After some shared confusion regarding the difference between Arizona and New Mexico, Scabbia spoke with MetalSucks about her band’s new record Shallow Life (out April 21), boisterous busmates, touring with the melodic dudes of Disturbed, and why Lacuna Coil is a happy band. Check out their new video, “Spellbound,” above; then the full interview is after the jump.

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So. Unless you live under a rock, chances are you’re aware that the movie adaptation of Watchmen opens tomorrow. The reviews are decidedly mixed and I’m still not convinced it won’t suck, but it’s already apparently making a ton of bank in ticket pre-sales, so, uh, yeah, people wanna see this bitch I guess.

Anyways, this week iTunes had some members of the cast do their celebrity playlist thing. A few actors chose a few metal songs – Patrick Wilson (who plays “Nite Owl II”) has some Van Halen and Extreme songs, Malin Akerman (“Silk Spectre II”) has some Nine Inch Nails, Jeffery Dean Morgan (“The Comedian”) was apparently pals with Layne Staley and included “Rooster” in his mix, etc.

But Jackie Earle Haley – the Oscar nominated actor playing the ultimate right wing sociopathic fascistic badass, Rorschach – created a list that is almost entirely comprised of metal.

Terrible metal.

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Few bands in modern metal are as exciting as Chimaira. That’s because few bands constantly undergo such a dramatic and undeniable evolutions from album to album – and do so with a bare minimum of line-up changes. From their 2000 self-released debut, This Present Darkness, right up to 2007′s Resurrection, Chimaira have never made the same album twice. Elements of thrash, death, groove, black, and even prog metal and punk abound, and, ultimately, the only thing you ever know for sure about a new Chimaira album is this: it’s gonna be heavy as a motherfucker, and just as catchy.

As the band – which includes guitarists Rob Arnold and Matt DeVries, bassist Jim LaMarca, drummer Andols Herrick, and keyboardist/sampler Chris Spicuzza – anticipates the April 21 release of their sixth album, The Infection, we were lucky enough to snag an exclusive e-mail interview with vocalist Mark Hunter. After the jump, read Mark’s thoughts on the group’s latest offering, the ongoing metamorphosis of their sound, reuniting with longtime producer Ben Schigel, the internet as a marketing tool, the state of his pure hatred, and more.

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I’m ’bout to go party at a triple-birthday event then get rowdy at an outdoor winter BBQ tomorrow afternoon (Bacon Explosion, anyone?). But not before I can tell you what went down on MetalSucks this week:

• Dallas broke the silence on Earthsblood and told the “Blabberbitches” to fuck off.
• Zakk Wylde recorded on a Dope song, throwing his last shred of cred out the window. Yeah, Dope.
• Metal Hammer released a shady list of the best death metal songs ever. But at least Metal Hammer is still around: Metal Edge and Metal Maniacs bit the dust for good.
• David Draiman hit the singles market. J-Date.com, here comes the sickness!
• We spoke with Sunn O))) mainman / Southern Lord Records founder Greg Anderson and Sylosis’ Josh Middleton.
• We told you what we think about the new release by Dimension Zero while we asked you what you think about Lamb of God’s latest.
• Sigh’s foxy Dr. Mikannibal got naked and drank cow’s blood.
• We took shots at Camp Kill Yourself and Insane Clown Posse, and their fans took shots at us.

Peace in the mideast.

-VN

Following Disturbed lead-crooner David Draiman’s much-publicized split with his fiancee a few months back, everyone’s favorite yeshiva boocher revealed in an interview with Altitude that he’s playing the dating game, albeit in a cautious capacity. In a prior interview with Finland’s MusiikkiTV shortly after the split, Draiman revealed that his now-former fiancee’s heritage — half German and half Persian — had become what he called “a huge source of contention in my family.” For those who aren’t privvy to our near-daily assault of Jewicisms on MetalSucks, Draiman comes from an Orthodox Jewish background and has some 200 relatives living in Israel, including his brother and grandmother.

Might Draiman now be on the prowl for a hot, young Jewess? Seems he’s being a bit more selective this time around; “I went out in Chicago. Got a couple of number, went on a couple dates. They didn’t last through dinner,” says Draiman in the below interview Altitude. Ouch! D-man’s playing hard to get. If I were the mother of a Jewish girl in the Chicago area I’d be awfully mindful of who my daughter hangs around with, lest Draiman inject her with “The Sickness.” Oooo ahh ahh ahh ahh.

-VN

[Thanks: Warren U.]

While we had just planned on catching Killswitch Engage, Lacuna Coil and Chimaira on this Spring’s Music As A Weapon Tour and leaving before Disturbed hit the stage, it may be that we won’t have to. The latest round of announced tour dates includes an April 15th date in Lowell, Mass, a Boston exurb on the New Hampshire border that’s only 40 miles (and 2 days) away from the New England Metal and Hardcore Festival in Worcester, Mass. Could we be in for some more additions to the Friday night lineup?

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Next week the U.S. gets a new President, thank fucking God, and Relapse Records is celebrating by issuing a 7″ box set of their This Comp Kills Fascists compilation. How fucking awesome is that? Until then, here’s what we’ll mull over during the long weekend (MLK day in the U.S.):

• Would you like to suck my cock, Berzerker? Or would you just like to look at some bloody titties, Berzerker?
• Lamb of God announce most awesomest tour ever with As I Lay Dying (meh), Children of Bodom, God Forbid and Municipal Waste, while Killswitch Engage, Chimaira and Lacuna Coil will be worth the ticket price as long as we leave before Disturbed goes on.
• Best soundboard ever. (Hint: fun with David Lee Roth sound bites)
• Bring Me The Hair Irons Horizon continued being boring.
• We spoke with Gojira’s Joe Duplantier and Animosity’s Leo Miller.
• Behemoth’s Nergal showed his face, while this dude just buried his in a bunch of watermelons.

When it was announced last month that Killswitch Engage would be on Disturbed’s fourth Music as a Weapon tour, we were flooded with so many irate e-mails from readers you’d have thought that Howard Jones had just been caught raping hundreds of metal fans’ mothers; KSE fans just couldn’t seem to wrap their heads around the concept of the American New Wavers acting as support for one of the most love ‘em or loathe ‘em nu metal acts on the planet. We didn’t report on the development at the time, though. Frankly, I figured it was just one of those things; sometimes awesome bands tour with crappy ones. You can’t please all the people all the time.

But now that Chimaira and Lacuna Coil have joined the tour, I gotta ask: what the frick?

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All is not lost in the world of metal; in fact, this past week brought some nice surprises, along with the usual mish-mash of shitty radio rock bands. Last week’s sales numbers, with our usual sardonic commentary, after the jump. (Hint: look at the tags below, and click “read more” if any of those bands interest you!).

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It wasn’t that long ago that we interviewed The Red Chord bassist Greg Weeks via e-mail, but since a) that interview turned out to be one of the best we’ve ever done and b) we love The Red Chord, we just couldn’t resist the chance to sit down with vocalist Guy Kozowyk at the Long Island stop of the Rockstar Mayhem Festival. Guy was happy, or at least very good at pretending to be happy, to talk to us about the tour, playing in front of such huge crowds, and the already legendary Ladder Up an Ass project, but, like his bandmate, he was also cool enough to humor Axl Rosenberg when he asked a stupid question on behalf of his girlfriend. Check out the full transcript of our chat after the jump.

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It seemed as if Slipknot was destined for their first-ever #1 album on the U.S. Soundscan charts. Not so, thanks to hip-hop artist The Game, whose new release LAX sold 238,285 copies, a whopping 13 more than the 238,272 units shifted of Slipknot’s All Hope is Gone — still an extremely respectable and awesome number. And yes, these numbers include full albums purchased digitally.

It was a big week for Roadrunner all around; Dragonforce’s Ultra Beatdown debuted at #19 with 23,977 copies sold. We hope the RR braintrust throw a kegger for all the fine folks working over there; and we hope we’re invited!

Elsewhere, radio mainstays Kid Rock, Staind and Disturbed unsurprisingly continued to sell a lot of records in Middle America.

-VN

We’ll dispense with the usual bullshit: chances are, you’re already familiar with Mastodon. They’ve been, inarguably, one of the most important metal bands of the 21st century thus far, and a band that we pretty much revere at MetalSucks.

We recently got the chance to interview bassist and co-vocalist Troy Sanders during some pre-show downtime at the Rockstar Mayhem Festival’s stop at Nassau Coliseum. Adorned in sweat pants and flip-flops and, by his own admission, fighting a hangover, Sanders was amicable as he led us into the band’s dressing room, offered us Gatorades, and then plopped down on the band’s cooler to get down to business. After the jump, read Sanders’ thoughts about playing in front of huge crowds that are by and large not at the show to see Mastodon, the band’s forthcoming new album, and, yes, even barbecuing.

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So, there’s a new Disturbed video, sent in by world-famous Disturbed fanboy Revrant. Let’s see:

• Imagery of guns and war: check.
• Post-apocalyptic landscape: check.
• David “Yeshiva” Draiman looking tough: check.
• Disturbed comparing themselves to Julius Caesar: check.

If it weren’t for Disturbed, this would actually be a pretty rad video. But alas.

-VN

A very, very, VERY special thanks to Rosa Henriquez for the awesome photos. Now we’re that much closer to being like a real big kids’ website!

I think one of the things Slipknot’s fans love most about them is one of the very same qualities that their detractors so violently hold against them: their theatricality. I mean, these are nine dudes who dress up in matching outfits and wear “spooky” masks. The band’s members talk about death metal an awful lot, and, musically speaking, that influence is certainly present. But aesthetically, they belong to a line of bands like Kiss and Motley Crue. They’re showmen.

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Happy July 4th, everyone. Axl and I are closing down the MetalSucks Mansion a day early to get off of this swampy, hot, over-crowded island…. so this is it for us until next Monday. Enjoy your time-off; for our international readers, well… revel in the fact that you get *way* more days off than we lame Americans do throughout the whole year! Anyway, here’s what happened this week:

• Motley Crue and Shinedown had big sales debuts, while Disturbed and Kid Rock kept it going strong.
• The Human Abstract debuted more killer new music.
• We interviewed the brains behind one of our favorite albums of 2008 so far.
• David Draiman insists on having the last word in the ongoing Disturbed vs. Dillinger Escape Plan drama.
• The new Slipknot masks look kinda like the old Slipknot masks, but we like their new song.
• We asked what you thought of Straight Line Stitch; you answered loud and clear.

Cheers, everyone. Enjoy your time off.

-VN

Maybe the CD isn’t a dying format after all. Actually, fuck that, the CD is definitely in its death throes. But at least for one week the inevitable has been delayed, and some rock records actually moved serious tonnage. Motley Crue and Shinedown both debuted in the Top 10, Disturbed continued their inevitable march towards gold (and then platinum) at #9, and Kid Rock continued his rampage back up the charts to reach #12. Some abbreviated Soundscan numbers and positions after the jump:

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Are there any Arrested Development fans in the house? Remember the episode where Tobias (David Cross) buys a gay bar and then hires a group of male strippers to pose as a dancing street gang to try and clean up the streets of real gangs (e.g., Bloods, Crips, etc.), and then they all get shot as Tobias screams out “We’ve miscalculated!”?

I don’t know what just made me think of that.

ANYWAY, I thought the whole Dillinger Escape Plan/Disturbed beef was over and done with (If you’ve been living under a rock and have no idea what I’m talking about, you can read about the conflict here, here, and here. If you think that this is petty bullshit and you can’t believe that we’re reporting on this for the umpteenth time, then you’re reading the wrong website and I think you’d feel more comfortable here.). But I guess the fellas in Disturbed felt like they had to get the last word.

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Another week in metal. Apparently some stuff happened.

• Louisana electro-core outfit IWRESTELEDABEARONCE signs with Century Media. Congrats!
• Disturbed’s new record debuts at #1, shifting over 1/4 of a million units and robbing us of our faith in humanity. Sigh.
• Metallica’s management demanded lukewarm reviews of an album preview be stripped from the Internet; band makes management do pushups.
• Live recordings of new Anthrax music with new singer Dan Nelson surfaced.
• Nachtmystium released an awesome new album and God Forbid an awesome new DVD.
• We wished we lived in Chicago so we could eat the world’s most metal burgers.

Have a good weekend everyone!

-VN