MetalSucks

So I’ve been living in the UK for about four months now, and have managed to take in quite a lot of this “culture” thing they’re so fond of over here. I’ve been to nine countries, eight major metal festivals, and a handful of cities in Ol’ Blighty itself; I’ve gate-crashed hotel parties in Norway with the drummer of Swallow the Sun, stage-dived into a sea of muddy grind freaks in the Czech Republic, gotten roaring drunk with Wolves in the Throne Room in the Netherlands, met Gaahl’s boyfriend in France, gotten lost in Rome, watched Electric Wizard blow an amp in Manchester, lost my mind to Eyehategod at Hellfest, seen Manowar (‘nuff said there) – and that was just the first couple months. Between all the metal, mud, bruises, whiskey, calimocho, hard cider, and terrifying Czech liquor (Becherovka and Fernet are no fucking joke, even if it is Kevin Sharp and Danny Herrera pouring you a shot), I realized that, somehow, something was still missing.

To my immense chagrin, I had yet to take that all-too-necessary pilgrimage up through the Black Country and into the Unholy Land itself – to Birmingham, England. Every metaller worth his leather (and several million other music fans besides) knows exactly why this unimpressive, coal-smudged city matters so much. Birmingham is the ancestral home of heavy metal. Everything – whether it be doom, black metal, powerviolence, or even the plague that is deathcore – everything came from here. The famed Mermaid Pub provided a fertile breeding ground for extreme metal, nestled as it was in a dodgy part of town where the cops ignored the punkers and longhairs milling around out front as the early rumblings of a deadly new sound thundered away upstairs The city itself was the original stomping ground of the dirty sexy hard rock’n’roll of Led Zeppelin, the NWOBHM gods in Judas Priest, the crusty proto-grind of Sore Throat, the scummy grindcore forefathers of Napalm Death, the industrial noise terror of Godflesh, and the one and only BLACK FUCKING SABBATH.

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MS Maniac Kye has alerted us to the fact that Gorgoroth’s official website has posted an update regarding the long-brewing Gorgoroth naming rights battle, in which Gaahl and King ov Hell attempted to trademark the Gorgoroth name shortly before quitting the band. And…. the verdict has come down in favor of Infernus:

Oslo City District Court has today delivered a verdict on the main question in the Gorgoroth trademark case, which took place at the end of January 2009. The court has decided that King ov Hell’s trademark registration # 243365 of the band name Gorgoroth is NOT valid and shall therefore be deleted. The court states that King ov Hell and Gaahl excluded themselves from the band Gorgoroth when they tried to fire Infernus in October 2007. The court further states that Infernus cannot be excluded from Gorgoroth, unless he himself decides to quit. Infernus is very pleased, but not surprised, by this verdict. The remaining issues concerning financial matters and such are yet to be decided upon.

I’m not a big enough Gorgoroth fan to care much one way or the other, but presumably some of you will be extremely excited/outraged about this development. Battle it out in the comments section.

-VN

So words like pagan, heathen and folk get thrown around in metal pretty indiscriminately and most of the time bands who describe themselves thus usually don’t have more barbarian blood than what I’ve got circulating in my foreskin.

Now this Wardruna project, masterminded by ex-Gorgoroth drummer Einar Kvitrafn and featuring vocals from the big gay anti-Christ himself, this might just be as close to real pagan sound as we’re gonna get. Musically it’s the monotonous pounding of hand-made drums, with some awesome choral chanting and accented by unusual instruments including but not limited to: goat horns, the hardanger fiddle, flutes, mouth harps, stones, trees and fire. Yeah seriously. Parts of their debut, Runaljod – Gap var Ginnunga, were apparently recorded outdoors fulfilling the lifelong fantasy of every fucking black metal hermit one-man band since the inception of the genre.

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Thanks to MetalSucks Maniac George M. for the best belated holiday gift ever.

I am bat-shit obsessed with this Puppy Cam. I’ve literally had it open in a tab in my browser for days now (apparently 14,858 people do too) and I check it hourly. Currently two of the puppies are scrapping with each other. Earlier, momma came in and they all fed from her teets, and right after that we saw the legs of the man who must be the owner. Mostly they just lie there, sleeping, looking adorably cute.

ANYWAY, hows about we counteract the Puppy Cam with some metal? This is possibly one of the finest metal moments ever put to video. Ever.

First commenter to relate the stroking of the glass to the stroking of something else gets banned.

-VN

The Phillies won the World Series, it’s Halloween, and we have a U.S. presidential election coming up in less than a week. But what’s happening in metal is obviously way more important:

• Living Colour ruled. As always.
• Mastodon announced the title and tracklisting of their new album.
• We spoke with Cynic’s Paul Masvidal and Today Is the Day’s Steve Austin, the latter of whom practically gave us his life story.
• Gaahl publicly acknowledged his homosexuality. Black metal bigots everywhere cried outrage, but we thought it was pretty cool (kvlt/br00tal/tr00/etc).
• Slayer released a new song which sounds just like the old song(s). And that’s a good thing.
• Someone with way too much time made an AC/DC music video in an Excel spreadsheet

Happy Halloween, mofos.

So after “metalsucks,” “metal sucks” and “metalsucks.net,” “gaahl gay” is now the most common search phrase bringing people here from search engines. So, uh… You guys will probably think it’s a big deal that Gorgoroth frontman Gaahl (né Kristian Espedal) has finally officially spoken on the record about his sexual orientation in a recent interview with Rock Hard magazine. While there have been reports and speculation for months, this is the first time Gaahl has spoken publicly and directly about the matter.

And it IS a big deal, one that has certainly thrown the black metal community for a loop and that we’ve seen manifest itself in our own comment threads. What I loved most when this news first surfaced a couple of months back was reading the ignorance and denial in our readers’ comments on Axl’s article:

“I don’t believe that Gaahl is a gay or bisexual. This is just another cheap way to get huge publicity around the globe. I guess that Gaahl will “straighten” the facts after few weeks, so in that way he gets to be in the spotlight of media once again…”

“I dunno if any part of this ever actually says he’s gay.”

“WTF????
IF HE IS GAY, HE WOULD BE ANOTHER PROBLEM FOR THIS PLANET AND DONT BELONG ANYMORE TO THIS KIND OF MUSIC
HAIL INFERNUS!!!”

“The fashion thing seems out of character for Gaahl and that photo looks doctored. I’ll wait till further comment is made and anyone who isn’t gullible as hell should do the same.”

“Even if he is not gay, since the article is a little vague, I don’t think he is concerned about sexual relationships. He just seems like a guy who is neutral.”

“He is not fucking gay! its just you whi whant to fuck Gaahl in the as! it is just some bullshit you have taking up! send up a fucking picture ther Gaahl kissing an ather guy then i belive you!”

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I still can’t believe that there was ever a time when people didn’t know that Rob Halford was gay – but I’d be lying if I said that the revelation that Gorgoroth front man Gaahl (né Kristian Espedal) “had a close relationship” with modeling agent/fur connosieur Dan DeVero, whom he told “he had strong feelings for,” didn’t catch me off guard.

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