MetalSucks

After the 2009 edition of Rocklahoma – a.k.a. the Wacken of Hair Metal – turned out to be an epic fail,  it was announced that AEG live, “the world’s largest producer of music festivals,” had been put in charge of “revamping” the fest for the 2010 version – including helping with “talent booking.” At the time, I suggested that this might be code for “no more hair metal bands,” and as it turns out,  I was right. Here’s the line-up for this year’s fest, in nifty poster form (via Bring Back Glam):

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One of New Year’s resolutions, next to start exercising (actually doing that one) and get Sacha the Death Metal Puppy a trainer so he stops terrorizing the Mansion (don’t seem to be actually doing that one), was not to write about the new Godsuck album. For all of you who seem to enjoy making fun of Limp Bizkit and Korn as much as we do, there’s all a contingent of you who want us to spend more time writing about good bands and less time smack talkin’ the bad, so I thought I’d give that a shot; also, I don’t mind making sacrifices for you, our loyal readers, but I really can’t see myself laying on my death bed thinking “Man, I wish I’d heard the new Godsuck song in 2010 at least once.”

But now there’s this rumor that Godsuck’s new single, “Cryin’ Like a Bitch,” is actually about Nikki Sixx. So of course, I had to investigate.

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A reader known only as “Jonas” sent us the below video of 55 Escape, a Norwegian band whose biggest influences seem to be Korn and Linkin Park, not Enslaved and Immortal.

Here’s why I find this band kind of interesting. (And moving forward, please be aware that “interesting” and “good” are not the same word.) When you think about it for a second, nu-metal seems to be a predominantly American phenomenon. Off the top of my head, I’m having a hard time even naming a nu-metal band from any part of Europe, never mind Norway. Jeff Killed John were British, but they didn’t get famous ’til they swapped the nu for core and rechristened themselves Bullet for My Valentine. Am I forgetting a really, really obvious band? Korn, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, Disturbed, Godsmack, Evanescence, Staind, Static-X, Creed, Hed P.E., Snot, P.O.D., Puddle of Mudd, Drowning Pool, Saliva, Coal Chamber, Methods of Mayhem, 40 Below Summer, Sevendust, Ill Nino, Dope, Papa Roach, Soil, The Union Undergound… ALL AMERICAN. What the hell? No wonder the terrorists hate us.

Anyway, thanks to these sperm clots for doing their part in making America look good. Hoo-rah.

-AR

Let’s say you’re Sully Erna. You’re the lead singer of a God awful band but you basically won the lottery, since there are enough ree-rees in the world to buy your music and make you a gajillionaire. How do you celebrate? Dineyland? Hookers n’ blow? How about you pull a Vince Neil?

So. Erna has reached a settlement with a 27 year old girl, Lindsay Taylor, and her parents, Elaine and Jeffrey, following a 2007 car accident that left Taylor with “a severe traumatic brain injury.” Erna, who left the accident unscathed, rammed the Taylor’s with his Hummer, and while he’s blaming the crash on another driver and – I shit you not – the design of the road, that hasn’t stopped him from agreeing to pay $3.3 million dollars, plus thousands of dollars a month in additional fees. Here’s the complete breakdown of what Erna will pay, according to The Eagle-Tribune:

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Pros and cons of streaming the new Throwdown album, Deathless:

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Nah, just kiddin’. It’s just a new Throwdown song! “This Continuum,” from the band’s forthcoming album Deathless, is streaming at Noiscecreep right now.

It’s really mean of me to keep poking this band for sounding so much like Pantera. For one thing, I’ve really enjoyed some Throwdown in the past; for another thing, I interviewed TxDx (do people really refer to them that way?) guitarist Mark Choiniere once, and he was a really, really nice dude. But, y’know. They do sound a lot like Pantera.

That being said, the chorus to this song strikes me as being kinda, well… Godsmack-y. Am I alone there?

Deathless comes out November 10 on E1.

-AR

This is a story about a band I don’t care about getting involved in some drama with a band I haven’t cared about in at least fifteen years. But it’s still kinda amusing, so I’m posting it.

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Even if you’re one of those people who only listen to metal, hardcore, or other such heavy music styles, you have to concede the fact that many of the musicians you love do not share that singular devotion to one genre. Some artists go even further and apply their broad tastes to the music they make. (Mike Patton might be one of the best examples of this.) That being said, I was admittedly quite surprised to learn that Melvins drummer Dale Crover plays on indie rocker Lou Barlow’s forthcoming solo album Goodnight Unknown. And not just on one track…

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So there’s this new Alice in Chains song, and this morning I wrote and posted this whole long critique, and now shitty computer issue mean it’s gone forever, and I’m way too lazy to re-write it all. So here are the highlights of that now-departed piece:

• No one will ever be able to replace Layne Staley, but William DuVall does a good job and his harmonies Jerry Cantrell are great.
• The band brought the heavy, which makes me happy.
• At seven-plus minutes, I think it’s too long, especially since it’s kind of redundant.
• I’m excited to hear the whole record.
• Fuck Godsmack.
• Download the whole song for free here.
• Weigh in with your thoughts below.

-AR

Ok, ok, fine, THIS is quite obviously the worst tour ever. But the recently announced lineup for Cruefest 2 is giving it a run for its money; Godsuck, Theory of a Deadsuck, Saving Abel (no less sucky, but left “suck”-less here for clarity’s sake) and Drowning Suck will support the ever-fading but still marginally credible Motley Crue.

Funny story about Saving Abel. I was invited to a showcase for the band on the roof of their record label’s building, and before the band played their manager slipped up and introduced them as “Saving Label.” Whoops!

Anyway, the Crue seem to have acknowledged that the only fans who will still patronize their umpteenth reunion tour are the whitest of the whitey white trash; fitting then that they’ve titled this year’s tour “The White Trash Circus.”

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Sonny Mayo’s sudden expulsion from Sevendust makes me worried that Snot might reunite – I mean, fuck, it almost happened once already just about a year ago.

For those of you lucky enough not to be familiar with Snot, they’re a band that holds a legendary place in the minds of kids who actually like nu metal, since they were poised to join Limp Bizkit as one of their generation’s most annoying bands when front man Lynn Strait died in a car accident in 1998 (I’m not speaking ill of the dead, mind you; I’m just speaking ill of the dead’s shitty music). After Snot disbanded, its various members went on to such craptastic acts as Amen, Invitro, Godsmack, and Hed PE. Hell Mayo’s replacement, Mike Smith, even usurped Wes Borland for the one Limp Suckit album that even Fred Durst’s most ardent supporters seem to think sucks.

ANYWAY, in this day and age when bands like Blind Melon aren’t gonna let a little thing like a dead front man stop them from living their rock n’ roll dreams, I would be in no way surprised if some re-jiggered version of this band tried to figure out a way to cash in. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Here’s Snot’s video for “Stoopid.” Apt description if ever there was one.

[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/6VjJeKoVVM4" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Cute dog, right? Yeah. He died in the car crash, too.

-AR

Thanks to MetalSucks reader TTQuick for forwarding me the following press release, which is, to put it mildly, absolutely hilarious:

“While his Godsmack pals are off doing Another Animal, Sully Erna is quietly working on a solo record. The singer tells Billboard.com, ‘It’s gonna be nothing like rock music. It’s gonna be very Native American tribal rhythms mixed with these Middle Eastern bluesy kind of vocals.’”

I have three problems with the above paragraph:

1. You’re not “quietly working on a solo record” if you do a press release.
2. Middle Eastern vocals are not “bluesy.” At all.
3. Sully Erna doing “Native American tribal rhythms” ranks right up there with Sebastian Bach rapping in terms of terrible, horrible, incredibly awful ideas.

I could lie and tell you I’ll never listen to the Sully Erna Experiment at all, but I probably will. So that I make fun of it on this site.

See? So much to look forward to in 2008!

-AR

Look: I think I speak for Vince and Kip as well as myself when I say that we could give a flying fuck about Godsuck. I mean, dude, c’mon: they suck. Hard.

That being said, we aim to please (well, not really, but still), and I know that at least one of you (cough, Sammy, cough cough) is probably really stoked about the band’s greatest hits package, which hits stores Tuesday, so: All Kinds of Metal already has the album for download.

I sincerely hope at least some of you get as much enjoyment from the music as I did from that ridiculous photo of Sucky Erna on his “hog.” I swear to God, the fact that Erna thinks this photo is cool means he has got to be one of those people who thinks that Sylvester Stallone is a great actor and a fantastic writer as well (that speech at the end of Rambo II always brings tears to my eyes!).

-AR

Do we really need this? The Pulse of Radio reports [via Blabbermouth] that Godsmack will release a greatest hits collection called Good Times, Bad Times – 10 Years of Godsmack on November 20. Someone please tell an inquiring mind when there were actually good times involving Godsmack — I literally spent my 5 years in the Midwest changing the station whenever a Godsmack song would come on, only to find the other rock station also playing Godsmack (or worse, Nickelback). It was something like radio purgatory. Anyhoo, the greatest hits collection will include a newly recorded slaughtering version of the title track, originally done by Led Zeppelin.

The report also says that the band will follow their fellow suck-buddies in Nickelback by taking an “extended, indefinite break following the release of the hits compilation.” Thank the fucking lord. But singer Sully Erna couldn’t depart without a message for all the fans: “We’re not going away, we are just gonna take a break and enjoy our 10th year anniversary, and kind of recharge our batteries. And then Godsmack will be back, and we will come back bigger and badder than ever.” Make sure you’re holed away in your bomb shelters and you’ve got your very best ear plugs when this happens.

-VN