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Vince isn’t here, so I guess it falls to me to take over his regular “Neilstein SoundScam” column… BWA-HA-HA!!!
Some of the more noteworthy sales stats from the latest Top Hard Music charts after the jump!
June is going to be a huge month for metal releases and it starts with a bang today, the month’s first Tuesday. New releases by Morbid Angel, Arch Enemy, Job For A Cowboy and Amorphis are the biggest hitters, while new ones from Origin, Engineer, Gigan, Khann and Tombs are sure to put some hair on your chest. And that’s just a small sampling of all that comes out today. Vic Vaughn on each and every one of ‘em after the jump.
“Ooh no!”
“Macho Man” Randy Savage has perished. My father and I were actually at his first wedding, which is to say, we were at Summer Slam ’91. Vince and I are so bummed right now… I don’t think I can even go outside. I need to curl up with YouTube and remember a time when the “Macho Man” really did seem invincible.
We’ll never forget you, Mr. Savage.
Maybe this will cheer you up?
Next week crack the top ten of our ongoing guitarists list, and, at least to the best of my knowledge, do not aid any bands in playing a prank on the public. And hopefully no one else we liked better than Fred Durst dies.
-AR
You’ve listened to Hammefall’s “Heart on Fire” (hint: the video has the smokin’ hot 2006 Olympic Women’s Swedish Curling Team)… but have you listened to “Hearts on Fire” STRETCHED? That’s not a new slang word for stoned; that’s literally stretched out, as in “took a 4 minute song and slowed it the fuck down to more than 25 minutes.” Although the effect certainly makes you feel stoned. Reeeallllly, realllllyy stooooooooooooooned.
According to HF guitarist Pontus Norgren, the song has been stretched 666 times (although the MS Mansion monkeys were quick to fire up their hand-crank-powered calculators to tell us that he must’ve meant 6.66 times); “Just close your eyes and enjoy this journey! This will fit perfect as set change over music and I will also contact Aqua Land in Stockholm an see if the want to use the song as a theme for the under water park.”
Download / stream:
Hammerfall – “Hearts on Fire STRETCHED”
Hammerfall’s newest album, Infected, is out in North America on June 7th. Watch the new video for “One More Time” here.
-VN
Hammerfall are completely ridiculous (in a good way), and their new video for “One More Time” is no different (also in a good way). One day I will see Hammerfall live. But until that day I will maintain the illusion that their live show is [almost] as ginormous and impressive as Rammstein’s, complete with fire, dozens of light arrays, lots of hair, and, uh, zombies, just like it is in this fantastic cinematic masterpiece.
Nuclear Blast will release Infected in Europe on May 20th and in North America on June 7th. So that’s May 20th worldwide, for anyone living in 2011 who uses the internet.
Because no post about Hammerfall is complete without the video they made with the smokin’ hot ’06 Swedish Olympic Curling Team, you’ll find that after the jump.
Not you after today
In the past few years, my group of friends has come to include a bunch of fancy-pants musicians-for-hire. They get majorly paid for backing gigs and session work cuz they execute on their instruments with nuclear precision. And it’s great hanging out with them for their big shot habits of picking up every check and throwing exquisite summer parties. You want that — we all do. But maybe you don’t have the time to, say, top your class at Juilliard or grind out a degree from Berklee. Hey, even if you did, you’d just as soon end up posting internet clips of yourself blasting through BTBAM runs and Hammerfall solos unless you move to West Hollywood and starve for two years. Meh.
Well, here’s good news! You can still get chicks horny and sound good enough for Youtube and hold up to passing scrutiny and possibly even land a gig in a million-selling metal band! Unlike violin, for example, guitar isn’t that hard to fake provided you master picking fast and good pitch on bends. To play Steve Vai, you’d have to match his regimen of 23 daily practice hours; for the following face-melters — ear-friendly, multi-leveled solos every one — all that’s required is like 23 total minutes. Let’s call it the Hammett Workout. Not everybody is “Under A Glass Moon” material, but just approximate these imprecise, jabby solos and I swear you’ll look cool! Check it:
I actually haven’t watched a single minute of the Winter Olympics because I was in Egypt for the first week or so and I don’t have a TV anyway. But I love the Winter Olympics and greatly prefer them to the Summer ones… sports like ski jumping, ice luge and hockey are way more badass than lame-o running and swimming. During the Winter Olympics’ last go-round in 2006 I watched a whole lot of events including curling, a curious sport favored by our Canadian neighbors that I find fascinating. And I made a discovery: the Swedish women’s curling team is HOT, dude. And then I made another discover which I was reminded of yesterday via Facebook (apparently a TV announcer gave it a shout-out): Hammerfall made this awesome alternate video for “Hearts on Fire” with said smokin’ hot curling broads. Metal vs. Curling… who will win out??
-VN
I don’t know what it is, but ever since I was a young guy I’ve typically had an aversion to trends, especially in music. Going to punk shows during my high school years, I’d laugh to myself at all the kids with the same spiky hair and leather jackets, who were obviously into the fashion or “scene” aspect of the music, rather than the music itself (of which, I’ll admit, I’m somewhat embarrassed to have been such a purist). More than a decade later, I haven’t really changed at all. I can’t help but write off many new bands these days, whether it’s a retro-thrash band named after an old Anthrax song, a long winded “post-metal” band with nautical themes, a bubble-lettered stoner rock band, a flat-brimmed nu-deth-shuggah band, or, quite possibly the most hilarious of them all, any black metal band still wearing corpsepaint that isn’t Immortal. All of this stuff comes off as tired and derivative to me, and with any style of music that becomes trendy, the posing is just too obvious.
But, I’m not here today to talk shit on popular bands. I’m here to talk to you all about a once relevant subgenre of music known as power metal, that couldn’t be further from “cool” right now. A friend of mine once referred to power metal as “the new punk rock” as if to say that at least playing punk music these days will get you laid. If someone is playing power metal, it’s probably because they are 100% down with that shit, regardless of how silly they may look to the rest of the world. And that, I have nothing but respect for.
Too cool for Hammerfall at the MS Mansion? HELL’S NO!
Hammerfall are so epic that when they fart, they fart Judas Priest riffs. Hammerfall are so epic that they counted to infinity – twice. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Hammerfall. There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Hammerfall have allowed to live.
I started my morning off by cranking some Hammerfall, and I suggest you do the same. Don’t front.
-VN
[Hammerfall's new record No Sacrifice, No Victory is out now on Nuclear Blast.]
