MetalSucks

Last week one of you accused us of being a “bunch of negative miserable fucks.” I can only assume that this person had never been to this site before, and was somehow unaware that it’s called “MetalSucks.”

Still, this was probably the best worst week ever, because:

• Devin Townsend took over our site for a day!
• We finally got around to making MetalSucks t-shirts and hoodies!
• Vince interviewed Between the Buried and Me’s Dan Briggs for the third time in as many years!
• There’s gonna be a new Pig Destroyer album in 2010!
• There’s a new Sigh song!
• Varg Vikernes came out of the closet!

So, see? LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!

In conclusion:

Have a good weekend.

-AR

They call that beard a “cum catcher.”

So Varg Vikernes was released from prison earlier in ‘09 after serving a sixteen year stint for murdering his band mate, Øystein Aarseth, AKA “Euronymous.” If episodes of Oz, and just about every other television show, movie, or book ever made about life in prison, are to be believed, than we can safely assume that during that time he had sex with men. Whether he was a top or a bottom is not relevant, despite what some redneck asswipes would have you believe; engaging in sexual activities with a member of your own sex is, by its very definition, homosexual.

I think Varg really enjoyed doin’ the deed with dudes – I mean, look how happy he is in that picture! – but I guess his religious guilt (because, let’s be real, he can protest Christianity all he wants, but all anti-homosexual sentiment is based in organized religion) must be getting the best of him, because he’s just released the following statement about the new Burzum album, subtlely titled Den Hvite Guden, which means – wait for it – The White God:

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Mayhem have perhaps one of the longest and most sordid histories in all of metal. Motley Crue may have shoved half a phone up some poor girl’s vagina and made her call her mother (at least according to The Dirt) and Marilyn Manson may have been blamed by scheming politicians for Columbine, but members of Mayhem have actually killed themselves and/or one another. Most metal bands project some kind of “scary” image, but Mayhem are one of the few bands that are actually scary.

Everyone gets older, though, and the members of Mayhem are no different. No longer the bright-eyed, bushy tailed kids who recorded De Mysteriis Dom Sathana, the members of Mayhem have now been reduced to rebelling by destroying hotel rooms the way every other band does.

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I haven’t done a blog in a while because the last blog I did really got me thinking about the mentality of people in the metal scene. Most particularly, the mentality of shit talking. We’re all guilty of it. I admitted to shit talking Bring Me The Horizon in magazines over in Europe when I was in God Forbid. I never heard them at that point. But now, I dig them and I feel pretty stupid for slagging them.

In my last blog I mentioned my excitement for the band Eryn Non Dae and how I was going to “borrow” some of their ideas for my new project. First of all, my last blog was PACKED with information about band business, touring and juicy tidbits of amazing knowledge :) But, the funny thing about the last blog was this guy ‘Jamie.’ Out of a five hundred word blog, he took the phrase “borrow ideas” and accused me and God Forbid of riding the coat tails of other popular bands. Killswitch was his biggest gripe. Then it was Opeth.

He claimed Gone Forever (2004) was a Killswitch rip and Earthsblood (2009) was an Opeth rip. This type of thing usually doesn’t bother me. In this instance I was fucking bothered. Jamie and I entered into a written brawl about the history of God Forbid and the intentions of our song writing for the last ten fucking years. Why would I waste my time to defend myself from this sort of claim?

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Also first seen on the excellent Metal Injection: this video, originally posted on College Humor, of stand-up Adam Newman schooling the attendees of a show at UCB (Upright Citizens Brigade – which MI correctly dubs “the mecca of alternative comedy in NYC”) on the ins and outs of Mayhem.

Some tr00 kvltists might not find this funny, and accuse Newman of mocking metal. They should go burn down a church so we can have them arrested already.

-AR

Metal Legacies is an ongoing memorial to extreme music pioneers who kicked the proverbial bucket way too soon.

Try and pin down a description of Øystein Aarseth, AKA “Euronymous,” of Norwegian black metal stalwarts Mayhem and you are likely to contract a new disease called “Renaissance Listophobia.” Guitarist and founder of what many argue is the pinnacle black metal act, Aarseth wore more hats in his 25 years than most people do in a lifetime: guitarist, record store owner, record label owner, brain eater, God of extreme metal, extreme dickhead, theistic Satanist, dead friend corpse photographer, teddy bear, gay pro-Communist, lethargic anarchist — he’s been called it all.

One hat he did not wear, however, was that of ”knife deflector.”

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Greg Anderson is all about uniquenesss, whether it be drone/doom kingpins Sunn 0)))’s epic trudge or the ability of his record label, Southern Lord, to stay afloat in a dreadful industry climate. The former’s new album – the sprawling, pretty excellent Monoliths and Dimensions – brings the band’s sound into new territory, a seemingly unthinkable feat considering their MO of slow, simple, and heavy up until now. Though the album was a long time in the making, Anderson has hardly been dormant: he’s spread between Southern Lord projects, the Sunn 0))) releases between Black One and Monoliths, and Burial Chamber Trio (a project with Mayhem vocalist/ frequent Sunn 0))) collaborator Atilla Csihar), among other things. In an interview with Metal Sucks, Greg discussed the changes between his main band’s prior work to that on their latest album, workng with Sunn 0))) collaborators like Csihar and Earth’s Dylan Carlson, and running Southern Lord in a time when running a label is a risky venture, to say the least.

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Anyone following this year’s MetalSucks co-sponsored, Mayhem-headlined Blackenedfest tour should already know that this tour has been plagued from the start. First was the Marduk no-show (reportedly due to visa problems) followed by the Boise cancelation, then a message posted on Cephalic Carnage’s MySpace page this Monday announcing the band had decided to drop off the tour in Denver without any further explanation. The latest wrinkle is an exclusive, in-depth, first-hand report from Metal Injection roving reporter Justina Villanueva, who had been out on the road covering the entire tour for Metal Injection.

Reports Justina in her tour diary at Metal Injection:

I had my only Almost Famous moment of this tour in Denver, Colorado. We were not exactly in a descending plane but it definitely felt like we were. I watched Blackened Fest collapse within a matter of several hours. It wasn’t a short run of a tour but it’s demise was very short notice to the people involved.

Just after Withered left the bus to start their set, Cartel (tour manager) came onto the Cephalic/Withered shared mobile home to announce, “Guys, tonight might be the last night of the tour.” He started inquiring about who were the unnecessary people on the tour so he could free up bunk space. This included Sid, Leonard’s (Cephalic vocalist) son, and Chuck, Nick’s (Cephalic’s bassist) brother. Because we were in Denver, Cephalic’s home, the question at hand was easy to seal away: two free bunks. But, two free bunks doesn’t solve the extra 6 people still on Marduk’s money-swallowing bus. At that point in the night I knew one bus would be sent home and maybe some crew (most likely me too). But, I didn’t expect the actual outcome: a Mayhem only tour.

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We regret to inform you that tomorrow’s MetalSucks co-sponsored BLACKENEDFEST show (feat. Mayhem, Cattle Decapitation, Cephalic Carnage and Withered) in Boise, Idaho has been canceled. The entire Idaho readership of MetalSucks over the past month totals 695 people, but hey, if we can save even one of you a potentially long drive for nothing, it’s worth it. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

The MetalSucks co-sponsored Blackenedfest, featuring Mayhem, Marduk, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation and Withered is currently underway and, from what I hear, absolutely slaying. As per usual, Metal Injection has been on hand to capture some excellent video footage from the shows. Here’s Cephalic Carnage doing “Kill for Weed” on the tour’s stop at this past weekend’s Maryland Deathfest; you can check out more videos from the tour right here. And get the remaining tour dates after the jump!!!

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So. Blabbermouth tells me that a) they are adapting the entertaining book Lords of Chaos, about the history of black metal, into a movie, and b) some kid I’ve never heard of, Jackson Rathbone, is going to play Varg Vikernes. And people are apparently really, really upset about this bit of casting, either because Rathbone is a “teen hearthrob” who was in Twilight (or How Stupid Mormon Vampire Books for Little Kids Taught me to Save Myself for Marriage), or because he’s prettier than most girls you see at a metal show and they don’t know how to deal with that tingly feeling in their penis.

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Metal Injection reports that Mayhem have arrived in the U.S. without incident, which means that BLACKENEDFEST, the grimmest tour of the Spring, is set to kick off tomorrow night in NYC as planned! Says Mayhem frontman Attila Csihar:

“We had no problems whatsoever with immigration, and now we are very excited to de-consecrate the USA again after a decade of decay since our last tour here! Prepare to prove the falseness of all religions and inventing the order of pure fucking chaos! There is NO god but MAYHEM!!”

The spikey-armband-studded lineup also features Marduk, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation and Withered. We suggest you view this handy Corpsepaint 101 primer before attending.

Full list of tour dates and links to buy tickets after the jump.

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The grimmest tour of the Spring gets underway in less than one month, so be sure to get on your game and get tickets for the MetalSucks co-sponsored BLACKENEDFEST now, before they sell out! The spikey-armband-studded lineup features Marduk, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation and Withered, and is headlined by none other than the Norwegian kings of grim, Mayhem! We suggest you view this handy Corpsepaint 101 primer before attending, but we can’t promise that this tour will be more metal than these guys.

Full list of tour dates and links to buy tickets after the jump.

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Top ten things for Varg Vikernes to do once he’s been released from prison after sixteen years:

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In a just future, heavy metal will be exalted not only for pushing musical extremes but also keeping alive interest in forgotten mythologies. What other genre of music engages so seriously the Norse lore of Enslaved, the ancient Egyptian myths of Nile, the Kabbalic fascination of Averse Sefira and the Sumerian (by way of Lovecraft) gods invoked by Morbid Angel? For every blasphemous black metal band that hates Christ through song, there’s another one singing blastbeaten praises to pre-Christian gods and goddesses.

Which you prefer may depend on how yer mommy raised ya. But for the times you’re feeling reverent towards a deity that Father O’Flaherty doesn’t know shit about, there is always Absu, longtime blackened dabblers in “mythological occult metal.” Ignore the lyrics to this Texan band’s eponymous fifth album at your own peril. While the music is more than strong enough to stand on its own, there’s something comforting about knowing that the 13 skintight jams on Absu go out to Mesopotamian spirits Bakaxikhekh and the mountain lord Enlil. This is positive music, meant to embolden gods and strengthen spells, not to destroy humanity. Plus, if there’s a god that takes delight in Absu’s blackened metal swarm, you definitely want to worship it, because it has great taste.

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MetalSucks is pleased to announce our sponsorship on what is without a doubt the darkest, bleakest, blackest lineup hitting North America this Spring — BLACKENEDFEST! The lineup is headlined by none other than the kings of Norwegian black metal, suicide and murder — Mayhem — and features Marduk, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation and Withered in support. That’s a fucking br00tal lineup if you ask us. Tickets go on sale this Friday, February 13th — an appropriate date — so take a look at the full list of tour dates (with buy links) after the jump.*

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From Blabbermouth this morning:

“Sullen Records is looking for Christian black metal artists that are interested in being on ‘Volume 2′ of the label’s compilation series titled ‘Revelations.’ ‘Volume 1′ was recently released and included material from FIRE THRONE, ELGIBBOR, FROST LIKE ASHES, SORROWSTORM and 13 others.”

I had to read that like fifteen times just to try and digest the idea of “Christian black metal artists.”

Somewhere, Euronymous is rolling in his grave.

-AR

When I think of metal and food, I usually think of microwavable burritos, overpriced festival vendors, and terrible, life threatening, ass ripping diarrhea.

Luckily for all of us, that will now change.

See, I’ve never been to The Windy City, but now I have reason to go: Chicago restaurant Kuma’s Corner, which features burgers and sandwiches named after every band from Sabbath to Metallica to Slayer to Maiden to Pig Destroyer to Lair of the Minotaur to Mayhem to Mastodon, whose honorary burger, pictured left, comes topped in BBQ Sauce, cheddar cheese, bacon, and frizzled onions.

Fuck. Now I’m hungry.

-AR

[thanks: Thomas C. Willis]

Blabbermouth has posted the below footage of At the Gates playing one of their first reunion shows in Japan this past week as part of a tour with Dillinger Escape Plan, Pig Destroyer, Into Eterenity and Mayhem (Holy purple poop, that’s a sweet tour!). At the Gates don’t show up ’til the 6:43 mark, but it’s actually kinda worth it to just sit through the Pig Destroyer and DEP footage.

Obviously this isn’t the highest quality video, but the band sounds pretty killer to me. What do y’all think?

-AR

We hate “black friday” and we’re pretty sure Mayhem would’ve agreed. The title of this song describes what I would like to do to all the fucking tourists who clog up my streets on days like today. Fuck all of you.

-VN

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