QUESTION OF THE WEEK: WELCOME TO YOUR NIGHTMARE
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Welcome to Friday, the last obstacle between weekday obligation and weekend intoxication! But don’t dash and smash before slapping on your thinking cap for another MetalSucks Question Of The Week, a (sorta) weekly survey of our staff on a recent hot-button issue that’s rocking our metal planet. Last week’s challenge was so deliciously revealing that we’re kinda revisiting it. Its nightmarish inverse, really.
Fearless. Controversial. Half-baked. We give it to you straight every Friday afternoon. Straight in the poopshoot if you’re cool with that. Here’s this week’s topic:
Inspired by reader comments, we flipped last week’s QOTW thusly:
If you accepted $100 million on the condition that tomorrow you would be enlisted in a band NOT of your choosing as a permanent member, which band would you be most unhappy about joining?
Wat u think? The MS staff’s expert answers after the jump!
In order to answer this question, I must turn to loyal MetalSucks readers. Guise, please make a list of every band you have seen in the last five years and would recommend to your friends. (Bonus points for ability to “pull off everything on their records live.”) This is the list of bands I would be most unhappy to join at any price.
Limp Bizkit. Duh.
Megadeth, of course. I’d be done in by excessive Bible-thumping, a crazy neocon windbag, constant old-man complaining, and 24/7 snark. And I could not bear to hear the nightly sobbing and whispered refrain of “Why, Metallica? Why?”
With that $100 million piled under my bed, I’d be carefree/on drugz enough to wring fun from an assignment to even history’s most fantastically vile band: KISS. Of course, to help recover from playing tard jamz in costume beside that pair of frizzy old boner-benders, I’d assemble a traveling support team of sexy hypnotists, masseuses, miscellaneous nakeds, and Michael Jackson’s doctor. Oh anybody know a specialist for eye-roll fatigue?
I would hate to join Xasthur. Malefic would continually bum me out. Plus he’s a one-man band and never tours. What would I do? Be his full-time windowshade puller? Xasthur isn’t even around anymore, so joining the band would be extra boring, even for $100 million.
Either an unabashedly shit band like Winds of Plague or Liturgy or Iwrestledabearonce or Whitechapel, or one of those sad resuscitated nu-metal bands that inexplicably keep releasing records. I’d have to spend a good chunk of that $100 million on noise-cancelling headphones and bourbon to stay sane.
JUSTIN M. NORTON
Any band on the Summerland 2012 tour.
Shudder! This QOTW is like an episode of The Twilight Zone in which a normal dude wakes up one morning to suddenly find he’s a member of Trivium nooooooo! But tell us, an assignment to which band would most stress/freak/suicide you? Could you even withstand a single gig as singer of Killswitch Engage? Would your tenure in All That Remains end in a brutal ball-punching? Is a four-year tour with Metallica enough to mangle your boner? Lol do tell.