Necessary Roughness, Week 15: Define “Catch”


Necessary Roughness DJ ScullyAs noted in this Deadspin post, the NFL rulebook spends 654 words defining what a catch is. In that definition is a reference to another 750 words dedicated to possession and runs. 1404 words is too many words (this whole post is about 800 words.) A perfect interpretation of all these goddamn words directly led to the Steelers losing to the Patriots last night, which also happened to hand the Pats homefield advantage in the playoffs. Jesse James, the Steelers and every correct thinking, Patriot-hating American was robbed of a glorious end to a great game. Fuck that!

Ben Roethlisberger almost pulled off an amazing fake spike (so good it faked out half of his own team!) but got picked off instead, adding insult to injury. Hopefully we to watch a rematch in the playoffs and justice can be served.

My poor Giants almost pulled off an upset of the Eagles, but couldn’t seem to get out of their own way on special teams.  Between this performance and the loss of Carson Wentz, I think it’s safe to say the Eagles will be making a hasty exit from the playoffs in a few weeks. In my opinion, they have always been the most suspect “Best Team In The League” anyway. Can’t wait to see Marshall/Beckham/Shepard all together next season.

The LA Rams pulled their pants down and shit all over the Seahawks in the most lopsided divisional game I may have ever seen. Todd Gurley had 3 TDs and 144 yards IN THE FIRST HALF. He made it look effortless, too. I know the ‘hawks are down Richard Sherman, but that’s no excuse for the beating they took at Centurylink. Frankly, I’m sick of watching the Seahawks in prime time all the time anyway so I welcome our new LA overlords with open arms.

I don’t know if I love or hate Saturday games. It’s pretty fun as a change of pace, but it adds even MORE football to the weekly schedule. If the NFL treated Thursday the way it treats Saturday, it would be perfect. Three to four weeks of Thursday games to start the season, then three to four weeks of Saturday games to end it. This week, we got treated to a couple of relative snooze fests. The Chiefs seemed to have regained their footing and managed to keep the Chargers on the outside looking in on the playoffs for the time being. In the other Saturday game, we got another all-time great Golden Tate highlight in which he mercilessly broke Kyle Fuller’s ankles:

Fantasy Pimp of the Week:

The aforementioned Todd Gurley! Holy hell, dude, save some for my playoff game next week. (Not that anyone on earth would possibly care, but my team dropped 133 pts this week on our bye…) Todd finished the game with 152 yards and three touchdowns on the ground and added another 38 and one receiving. That is absurd. Honorable mention to Kareem Hunt who managed 206 total yards and two TDs himself.

Some Random Thoughts:

I watched everything I could yesterday in Tampa Bay. What a bizarre city for the NFL. EVERYONE is decked out in gear, but none of it is Bucs related. It honestly looks like an NFL.com store commercial: groups of dudes standing around in matching 49ers, Falcons, and an embarrassing number of Patriots jerseys worn by ruddy, cigar smoking, middle-aged, white guys. To their credit everyone was alarmingly drunk for a Sunday afternoon/evening, so at least they’re doing that part right.

Teddy Bridgewater is kinda back! Poor dude threw one pass and it was picked off, but it’s still cool that the Vikes have given him the time to heal and are planning on moving forward with him.

Aaron Rodgers is also back! I keep reading about how scary this is for the rest of the NFC, but after this week especially I just don’t see how they’re supposed to make the playoffs. If they win their last two games, they’ll be 9-7 and would need the Falcons, Lions, Seahawks and Cowboys all to lose out, right?

Fuck Jerry Richardson to death. Good riddance, asshole.

Song for Giants Fans

At this point every loss is a mercy killing. Need to get us that pick!

If, for some reason, you want to keep this schizophrenic abomination of a playlist for yourself, you can find it on Spotify here.

Sorry for the brevity and missing a lot of games this week… been getting ready for this:

I’m out on tour with The Number Twelve Looks Like You. We’re playing our now 12-year-old album Nuclear. Sad. Nuclear. in its entirety. Axl referred to it as “It is one exclamation point away from looking like a tweet from a certain used orange diaper currently passing itself off as a person.” Come hang and let’s try to forget about said diaper.


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