The internet is cool, but I’m totally relieved that it was invented after my teen years. I spent those years trashing all bands disrespectful enough to not copy Van Halen (then Metallica, then Carcass), so it’s awesome that my half-baked opinions didn’t appear online for all to see, say, in the comments section of some virtual argue-dome for uptight virginal nerds. But no, only a handful of people heard my most misguided, sexual angst-driven opinions. That’s a small victory.

So, for example, I’m super-glad there’s no proof that I instantly and angrily dissed the few oddball bands that Headbangers Ball would try to slip in among the Testament and Slaughter. No one can prove, per se, that at first I was really offended by Faith No More and their irreverent treatment of heavy music (Rap? Black Sabbath cover? Bright colors?). I might’ve also taken a firm and retarded stand against last-video-of-the-night types like Masters of Reality and King’s X. Oh, and I positively wiped my ass with Mordred. Okay, I was right about that last one.

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First things first: screamo is literally worse than the Holocaust in my book. With a few notable exceptions, I absolutely cannot stand this shit. That said, with bands like The Devil Wears Prada and Underoath selling out huge venues, putting out platinum-selling albums, and selling truckloads of cookie-cutter merch to every angsty suburban teen within driving distance of a Hot Topic, it’s hard not to pay attention to the genre. I might not like it, but Kids These Days certainly do. My biggest question: Where the fuck did this shit come from??

As someone who saw the birth of metalcore and “true screamo”/skramz firsthand in the 90s, I am highly confused when I listen to these bands. On the one hand, they are not so different from anything that could have been on Victory or Indecision in the 90s (Earth Crisis, All Out War, Bloodlet). Obviously there are some things that have changed over time, but the fundamentals of metalcore are still there (see my post “The 5 Kinds Of Music Teens Are Into” for more details). On the other hand, the kids in Alesana, August Burns Red, and possibly even As I Lay Dying have no fucking idea who those pioneering metalcore bands are, much less that screamy vocals were born in the tiny basement shows and vegan bakesales of the 90s DIY hardcore scene.

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Soundgarden reunion rumors have been flying around almost as long as Soundgarden have been broken up. (And in case you lost count, this Friday will be the thirteenth anniversary of the break-up. Someone will have been born and bar mitzvahed in the time since Soundgarden were last together! Egads!) Chris Cornell pretty much let the cat out of the bag that the band is reuniting back in January, and now they’ve announced that they’re headlining Lollapalooza in August. (Unfortunately, the rest of the line-up for that festival is pretty blech, especially from a fan of half-way decent rock; there’s Social Distortion and, uh, that’s it. If the artist on the bill I’d be most excited to see that isn’t Soundgarden is Erykah Badu, well, that’s a festival I won’t be attending.)

And, as usual, my enthusiasm is tempered with cynicism.

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When it comes to music (and other things really), I tend to play devil’s advocate. If everyone is shitting on a certain band, for some reason, I become more attracted to that band and seek them out. I don’t know what it is about my personality, but I think it stems from the same perspective that inspired me to write the antagonistic blog about rethrash. It may be a character flaw, but I’m sure it has something to do with a need to be an individual. From what I gather, this website is inhabited mainly by “true” metal heads. What I define as “true” are people whom are purists in the realm of metal and usually scoff at any band or trend that reeks of premeditated commercialism or an overt play for popularity, and who usually demand a certain level of musicianship and underground credibility. These fans usually hate every Metallica record after …And Justice For All, and for that matter always prefer any particular band’s older releases, which usually have a more raw and unrefined recording quality, as well as more abstract, less traditional song writing. For example, they will prefer Carcass’s Necrotiscim to Heartwork, or Morbid Angel’s Blessed Are The Sick to Domination. Oh yeah, and these guys gave up on In Flames and Soilwork years ago.

I have a good deal of that purism in my bones, but it always seemed short sighted and close minded. You have no idea how many arguments the Adler brothers from Lamb of God and I have gotten into over the merits of a particluar Metallica or Megadeth record. If you even bring up Disturbed or Limp Bizkit on MetalSucks, it is mocked and disregarded 100% of the time. I think metal heads often have a sheep mentality because of the fear of being viewed by their peers as less credible for liking bands that aren’t considered “true” or “real” enough. We all have guilty pleasures, but the real question is “Why should we feel guilty about something we enjoy?”

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Ok so like I know that mash-ups are SO totally last year (or worse, the year before) and everyone is kinda sick of ‘em… but come on, you’re not really THAT sick of ‘em, are you? Especially ones that ironically juxtapose brutal metal bands with pop stars. Two minutes of your time for a good laugh. Cheerio!

-VN

[Thanks: Corey Mitchell]

We’ve all been there. Tensions are high in some packed, sweaty venue, sparked by feverish excitement and the potential for violence. These people paid good money to enjoy some type of cathartic release. The frontman for whatever hard-nu-death-crab-metal-core outfit is brazen and demanding. Can you believe this shit? You PAID to be entertained, and this guy is telling YOU what to do! The speech goes something like this: “I want everybody in this room moving! Front to back, side to side, NO ONE STANDS STILL! When this part kicks in, I want total [Insert destructive word here like "chaos," "mayhem," or "bedlam" if you're witty]. If the person next to you isn’t moving, MAKE THEM MOVE!” Than, if the action is not adequate, this screamer/pep rally organizer calls YOU some variation of “pussy” or “faggot” or really anything to make you feel like a soft, womanly bitch of a man in order to get in that pit and kick another grown man in the face, all in the spirit of making this band look like they are awesome. But then something happens, as if the air is sucked out of the room at the moment of impact – when those glorious staccato chugs kick in, the crowd is almost always powerless to its charms regardless of the obvious lack of substance. Like junk food and reality TV, we have a love affair with breakdowns.

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Yesterday a little fight broke out in the comments section of our bit on the mysteries of Andrew W.K., and not that a little fight breaking out in our comments section is unusual, but this fight wasn’t really about Andrew W.K. – it was about the piano, which AWK plays.

And the piano is awesome. There should be doubt of this. Good pianists should be respected, even if the phrase “good pianist” sounds kinda funny.

As if to prove this point for us, Maniac “musicalsnob” posted a link to a YouTube user going by the handle “vkgoeswild.” She does some pretty rad piano covers of metal songs. Check out her take on Carcass’ “Corporal Jigsore Quandar,” for example:

After the jump, check out vkgoeswild as she does Slayer’s “Raining Blood,” and actually makes Marilyn Manson sound pretty.

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These are some of my favorite producers and mixers for heavy music… It’s a challenging genre, and these guys are great in my opinion.

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When did you guys start listening to heavy music? How many of you started listening this decade? I’m seriously curious about this. Those of you who started this decade… Are you sick of it yet? Are you starting to get sick of it? Does it excite you the way it did in 2004? For those of you who started earlier… do you remember what things were like 1990-1995? Remember when Megadeth was going multiplatinum, Pantera was flying in private jets, and Morbid Angel and Carcass were on major labels? Remember how that pretty much died off?

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I think that I (and about a hundred other people who write about metal) have extolled the virtues of Decibel editor Albert Mudrian’s Choosing Death many times in the past, but just to be sure: it’s an awesome history of death and grind, and if you’ve never read it, you really, really should. He got pretty much everybody to go on record about the early days of metal’s most extreme subgenres. If you’re new to these styles of music and need a primer, it’s a perfect place to start; if you already love these styles of music, I guarantee you you’ll still learn some shit ya didn’t know.

One of the things that Mudrian spends a good deal of time discussing is John Peel’s old national BBC radio show, which was the place to hear all the best new grind. And now Earache will commemorate Peel’s show with Grind Madness At The BBC (The Earache Peel Sessions), a three disc (!), three and a half hour set that will feature 118 recordings of sessions done on Peel’s show, including performances by Carcass, Extreme Noise Terror, Godflesh, Napalm Death, and a shitload more.

This is obviously a must-own for grind fans. Earache puts the set out on October 12. Mark it in your calendars.

-AR

Our bro-bros at Metal Insider brought up a good point yesterday; what’s the point of saying your band is breaking up or going on hiatus if it don’t mean shit in the end? Srsly wtf lolz! With the pending Faith No More and Cave In reunions this Summer literally every band to ever break up that still has enough living members to do so — and even some without — is doing a reunion in some capacity. Last summer’s roster of reunionites included Carcass and At the Gates, amongst others. And don’t front; the Soundgarden reunion will happen eventually. I’d put money on it.

So I hereby declare a moratorium on breaking up. Artistic differences? Don’t wanna hear it. Tired of touring? Tell me that again in a year when your records ain’t selling, you’re flat broke and you’re tired of flipping burgers. Fucked a band member’s girlfriend? Kiss and make up, then have a threesome. Don’t give me no “on hiatus” crap either ’cause that’s just a way of pussyfooting around the fact that you do plan on eventually playing together again. Just say nothing! Is that so hard? Quietly disappear, then come back years later and take the world by storm. Your lives, and ours, will be henceforth be much more drama-free.

-VN

So many of you have e-mailed us this week to instruct us to post news about the fact that Opeth and Enslaved are touring together that I’m fairly certain posting news about the fact that Opeth and Enslaved are touring together is a complete waste of time; I mean, clearly, everyone and their mother is already aware of this tour.

I’m not saying this isn’t an awesome package – clearly, it is – I’m just saying, you’ve all sent us the news and the tour dates, so what can we tell you that you don’t already know? How about this: we will be at the show at the Starland Ballroom in NJ, and we will be high. Actually, you probably knew that already, too.

I’m putting tour dates after the jump, although I don’t for the life of me know why.

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Finally… we have a capable, intelligent, forward-thinking new U.S. president. No, it’s not Dave Mustaine. Here’s what else happened this week:

• We wondered aloud and speculated about Slayer’s co-headline tour, New England Metal & Hardcore Fest, Scion Rock Fest (aka Atlanta Metalfest), and The Faceless’ headline tour. This spring just got awesome.
• We ran to the hills to avoid a shitty classic metal cover. Meanwhile, we found Iron Maiden in Iran and on the big screen.
• We got sexi(vious) with members of Cynic and Textures.
• We looked at new releases from Satyricon, Cattle Decapitation, 16 and Rumpelstiltskin Grinder.
• Maynard got all Jiu-Jitsu on our asses and Carcass played a wedding.

Axl, myself and our girlfriends (we have girlfriends… whowouldathunkit???) are going to see The Dark Knight on the IMAX tonight. Hopefully weed will be involved. Later, suckaz!!

Not really, of course – but these clips from old episodes of Friends, sent to us by MetalSucks maniac Daisy May Twinklepants, would suggest otherwise:

Alas, I’m not aware of any metal band called “Karcass” with a “k”…

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Mostly this week I just watched the Puppy Cam. But when I could pry myself away for a few moments, this is what I focused on:

• Proto-jazz-metallers Intronaut released an artsy new video, as did Protest the Hero and Dir En Grey.
• We interviewed Brother Von Doom.
• Ozzy may be pretty good at shilling for Samsung phones these days, but we still like him better the old way.
• Arsis did some member-swapping. Yes, again.
• We reviewed new releases from The Faceless, The Bronx, and a bunch of awesome bands on Prosthetic Records.
• We contemplated the prospect of new releases by Carcass, Napalm Death and Down.

Party it up, it’s the weekend. See you next Tuesday Monday.

Sometimes I think it would be nice to go back and re-sleep with some of my ex-girlfriends. I’ve been fortunate in that some of them were really good in bed, and sometimes I just think, “Gosh, it would be nice to have one last night with so-and-so who did that thing I really liked.” Of course, the reality is, the sex would almost certainly be anti-climactic; it’s entirely possible you’re idealizing your past, but even if you’re not, things change, and the idea of once again getting head from the girl you thought gave the best blowjobs in the world when you were nineteen is probably way sexier than the actual head would be.

This is all a very long-winded way of saying that I don’t think a new Carcass album would be a very good idea.

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Since its inception in the late ‘80s, black metal has been one of the most rigid genres in terms of evolution and change. While bands like Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, and Behemoth trumpet the genre through its larger than life, orchestral origins, black metal’s “elite” have gained their notoriety through either a) being a part of the original church-burning generation and altering their sound as little as possible or b) miming the original church-burning generation as closely as possible, right down to the tape hisses and wall of buzz saw guitars. But after nearly two decades of existence and reverence in the metal and music worlds as a whole, many bands have moved away from their restrictive lo-fi roots and come to embrace different influences, resources, and inspirations. The band that has best exemplified this move from their base to the outer limits is Enslaved, one of Norway’s longest running black metal bands. Before American upstarts Nachtmytsium made it cool to melt your Burzum and Pink Floyd records together, Enslaved were dabbling in the dark power of psychedelia on Below the Lights and ISA. Though those who take black metal seriously insist that sticking to their guns has been the key to longevity, its shifts in sounds and ideologies has been what’s kept it alive. Those shifts have been most solidly illustrated by Enslaved, and has resulted in one of the most impressively consistent discographies in metal, right up through their latest genre-bending triumph Vertebrae.

Grutle Kjellson, Enslaved’s bass player and lead vocalist, has been with the band since the beginning. In an interview he was kind enough to grant MetalSucks via phone from his home in Norway, he talks about the importance of looking forward creatively, what influenced Vertebrae, working with longtime bandmate Ivar Bjornson in Enslaved and their experimental metal side project Trinacria, the overall importance of Pink Floyd on his band’s sound, and the fans that only want to hear songs off of their early ‘90s demos at their shows.

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The great MetalSucks Mansion purge of ’08 has commenced, and the people have spoken: you really, really, really want all of our extra shit even if you don’t know what it is. Anyhoo, five lucky winners each get an assload of CDs and random shit lying around here that we need to get rid of, so congratulations to you. Here are the winners to last week’s Funny Photo Caption Contest (right):

• PD: “You guys seen my distortion pedal? This accordion’s going to sound horrible without it.”
• Ambience23: “Vadim Pruzhanov’s Kvlt Mariachi band (pre-Dargonforce).”
• Damotello: “Everybody loved it when Varg Vikernes did his Rolf Harris covers.”
• Name Not Applicable: “Squeezebox Gutsfuck.”
• Leprosy: “I was reincarnated to prove that people would rather listen to this technical, air-driven music than listen to death magnetic.”

This week we have an awesome prize: 2 grand prize winners will get Aborted ‘Evidence’ bags, containing an autographed copy of Strychnine.213, an autographed poster and an Aborted t-shirt! Aborted is currently on tour with the reunited Carcass (we all went this past Saturday in NYC, and holy shit, it was awesome), so take a look at the tour dates (posted after the jump) and hit that tour up when it comes to your city. Come up with a funny caption to the below photo and the Aborted prize pack is all yours!

[Thanks: Ryan D.]

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I’ve been meaning to write about Germany’s Necrophagist for some time now — their last album Epitaph is fucking brutal with a capital BRU and a testament to just how expressive extremely technical extreme metal can truly be. Slays me every time; the playing, the songwriting, the punishing — it’s all here. And much like most of us here at MetalSucks will do this very weekend, you too can see these dudes play as opener along with Suffocation on the Carcass reunion tour for the next week or so on the East Coast. Check out the band’s MySpace page for tour dates.

KILL.

NECROPHAGIST - “The Stillborn One”, from Epitaph (2004)

NECROPHAGIST – “Seven”, from Epitaph (2004)

NECROPHAGIST – “Fermented Offal Discharge”, from Onset of Putrefaction (1999)

[Visit Necrophagist's website]

-KW

After fellating Protest the Hero’s incredible early-2008 release Fortress for two months solid (culminating in my first ever 5 of 5 horns review), I was immediately let down by successive announcements that the band would be touring with shit emo bands through the entire summer. Finally someone in the band’s camp has come to their senses and packaged them with a lineup that will put them in front of the metal audience that NEEDS to know about this band. And finally, I will be able to go see them live. Lambgoat is reporting a fall tour with Protest playing direct support for Unearth, with The Acacia Strain, Whitechapel and Gwen Stacy also on the bill.

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