Have you guys heard about the petition by Detroit Lions fans to replace Nickelback with some other band, ANY other band, as the performers at the halftime show of their Thanksgiving Classic game? Vince mentioned it while filling in for Dave Brockie during a recent “Unnecessary Roughness” column, but we never did a full piece on it, because, y’know, fuck Nickelback.

But now the band has responded via the below Funny Or Die video with Paul Scheer — co-star of MetalSucks’ collective favorite film ever, Piranha 3D, and its upcoming, sure-to-be-classic sequel, Piranha 3DD – and as much as it pains me to say anything nice about one of the worst things to happen in the history of sound… those Nickelfucks are pretty funny. There’s obviously no reason for them to take this seriously, since they’re gajillionaires, and since there was zero danger of them ever actually getting kicked off the show… so they might as well have fun with it, right?

(One thing I do have to mention, though — what the fuck happened to Chad Kroeger? I honestly did not recognize him at first. I can’t tell if he put on weight, got a haircut, had a nose job, or all of the above, but he is at least 75% less horrific looking now than he used to be.)

In related news, Metal Injection has now alerted us to the existence of Nickelblock — “a Chrome/Firefox plugin that blocks any mentions of Nickelback on the internet.” Holy shit, I am installing that immediately. You can download it here.

-AR

Interview and live pics by Emily Eve; girls on stage pic by Friedia Niimura

In one sense, making records is like using the toilet: It takes more to do number two than number one. And in the case of L.A. heavy metal semi-parodists Steel Panther, a follow-up to their wildly funny and compulsively banging 2009 debut Feel The Steel is an even bigger, stinkier challenge: This time, fans can see them coming, um so to speak. But in the spotlight’s glare, before expectant ears and faces poised to smile, lead singer Michael Starr and crew deliver a bigger, dirtier, and awesomer mass of heavy metal hilarity called Balls Out (available Tuesday). The 14-track tour de farce covers 47 amazing minutes, a range of hot-button rocker issues (drugs, gender roles, boners), and a load of singalong mega-choruses and nip-scorching guitar solos unheard since pro tools was just an aisle at Sears. To those somehow able to resist Feel The Steel, I say: You’re fucked now. Balls Out is stronger than you and your feeble protestations. Crank. It. Up.

This feat of skill and cocksmanship on display in Balls Out begs for investigation, so last week I went to hear firsthand how Steel Panther achieved the equivalent of making a Ghostbusters II better than its Ghostbusters I. And though it was a rainy, gusty Autumn night, the huge Steel Panther dressing room was buzzing heatedly as I sat down with Starr and lead bass player Lexxi Foxxx to get answers. Just nearby were lead guitarist Satchel (at whom I gazed lovingly whenever his inattention allowed) and lead drummer Stix Zadinia (with entourage) as the three of us gabbed highly about Balls Out, drugs, vaginas, immaturity, maturity, the guy from Nickelback, shaving stuff, the responsibilities of being Steel Panther, and much more.

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We’ve gotten a lot of e-mails these past few days about My Darkest Days’ video for “Porn Star Dancing.” I don’t know why the sudden interest in this clip — it’s been around for weeks, we just never posted about it before. In any case, the song and video feature guest appearances by Ludacris, Nickelback’s Chad Horseface (seriously, he looks like Sarah Jessica Parker with a goatee, and SJP looks like a horse), and… Mr. Zakk Wylde.

And people seem really, really put off by Wylde’s presence. One reader even declared that he was “losing respect” for Zakk. And I’m totally confused by all the outrage. Has no one else heard what Zakk has been doing for the past decade? Did everyone miss his guest spot with Dope? People are talking about this as though Picasso rose from the dead to design posters for Vampires Suck or something. I mean, it’s not like Zakk’s artistic credibility was still in good standing, y’know? This is just one more nail in the coffin that holds his coolness.

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Los Angeles’ Hotel Cafe is a 165-person capacity venue, a seemingly unlikely place to find a world famous rocker with millions of record sales under his belt. And yet last Thursday it hosted noneother than Chris Cornell for an “intimate” sold out performance. As expected, YouTube has amateur footage of songs from the setlist, which included “Euphoria Morning” and Audioslave’s “Doesn’t Remind Me”, as well as covers of The Beatles’ “A Day In The Life” and John Lennon’s “Imagine.” Of course, the track that stands out the most for me was “Call Me A Dog”, a song from the Temple Of The Dog album. The project, a tribute to the late Mother Love Bone singer Andrew Wood, reformed somewhat during a recent Pearl Jam concert in L.A. The solo acoustic performance above (audio quality trumps video quality) is naturally much more subdued and somber, which helps to remind us all that Cornell is a gifted songwriter, even despite his misguided dalliance with Timbaland. With a reworked rock version of Scream in the planning, the former Soundgarden frontman might just earn back the respect of fans who balked at his attempt to mimic Justin Timberlake.

In other news, Timbaland’s upcoming Shock Value 2 album features vocal contributions from Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger and Chris Daughtry. Yeah, you read right…

-GS

[Gary Suarez is going hungry. He usually manages WHOLLY DIVER (a Dio tribute site) and the consistently off-topic No Yoko No. Say, why don't you follow him on Twitter?]