Or, “How to Help Increase the Odds That Your Metal Band Will Make at Least a Little Bit of Money.”

STCOT is moving to Fridays. But first, these artists own the final Tuesday release date: Party Cannon, Svarta, Iron Savior, Blasphemy, Graveworm, and more!

Career dreams fulfilled. Guess I can retire now.

Periphery! Paradise Lost! Veil of Maya!

In Russia, weed smokes you.

Listen to this week’s heavy new releases! All fifty of them!

That whole “Faith No More new album” thing was not some cruel and fantastic dream! (Bonus: fifty other heavy new releases!)

Some of this week’s many heavy new releases have naked ladies on their covers!

We have the best job in the universe: here are 65 heavy new releases for you! Your life will never be the same!

Includes songs originally by Slayer, Death, Napalm Death, Carcass, Opeth, Gorguts, Mayhem, and more.

Minsk, Byzantine, Voivod/At The Gates, Soilwork, Gorguts, Malthusian, Enforcer, and tons more heavy new releases! TONS!

Oceano, Liturgy, Fulgora, The Monolith Deathcult, Groan, Karyn Crisis, Unrest and 50 more heavy new releases. No big whoop.

This week’s Heavy New Releases tip: The album with pyramids on its cover is not by the band called Pyramids!

Given 60 heavy new releases, you could blindly select at least four gems. Will it be Kjeld, Enslaved, Santa Cruz, and The Haunting Presence? Or Sacral Rage, Urfaust, Psycroptic, and Harm’s Way?? Or Garden Of Worm, Mnemic, Cancer Bats, and Europe??

Vince attempts to break through the rumors and clutter to make heads and tails of what’s really going on.

Today’s heavy new releases from Cowards, Marduk, Rwake, Sdick To Your Buns, Taake, and tons more!

Xibalba, Periphery, Voices, Venom, Sodom, Sumokem and more are this week’s heavy new releases!

Metal is a young man’s game, unless you’re the best in the biz.

Lord Mantis! Lacuna Coil! He is Legend!

Wovenwar! Anaal Nathrakh! Black Crown Initiate!