Seriously, can you think of anything more embarrassing and less cool than watching a well-known vocalist get up at a karaoke bar and, out of the literally thousands of available songs to perform, choose his own? Y’know, just in case everyone else in the joint wasn’t aware that it was him?

And wouldn’t it be even sadder if that idiot chose not only to perform his own song, but to perform his own song that was a hit, like, almost thirteen years ago? As if to say “No, really, I WAS A BIG DEAL ONCE!!!”

I mean, what kind of yutz would do such a thing?

From TMZ:

“Fred Durst partied like it was 1999 Monday night — reprising the classic Limp Bizkitsong “Nookie” at an L.A. bar … and it was all caught on tape!”

Facepalm.

The worst part is that in the video, Fred is rapping along not to a standard karaoke backing track — but to a friend beatboxing. In other words, they didn’t even have the song available for performance, but Durst insisted on doing it anyway.

Oh, Fred. I almost feel bad for you… almost.

Click the below screen cap to watch the oh-so-pathetic video.

-AR

[via The PRP]

Earlier this week, Fred Durst tweeted that there would be  “huge Limp Bizkit news” in December. Well, it’s December, and here’s the huge news: Metal Insider reports that during a recent interview on  Poolside with Dean Delray (whatever the hell that is), Durst revealed that the band is no longer with their longtime label –

“One of the things with Gold Cobra was that that was a record, for us, to do for ourselves, for the core fans, for some of the people that we know in the industry — its wasn’t our step forward to make a big pop, smash radio record; we just didn’t wanna make that record at that time… We have been working for awhile now to renavigate where we are going to take Limp Bizkit, and finally we have been able to get off our label and become independent.”

Click to read more…

OMG U GUISE, Fred Durst has promised that some “huge Limp Bizkit news” is going to be announced in December. (See above tweet for details.) I am, obvs, totes excited.

What do you think it could possibly be????????? Here are some thoughts I had:

Click to read more…

Well, here’s two pieces of news I think you’ll find to be completely bizarre, albeit in very different ways –

Click to read more…

The passing of Apple visionary Steve Jobs is not nearly as maddening as the Casey Anthony verdict (let’s get cereal for a moment: it’s actually incredibly sad), but the responses of the metal community via Twitter are just as lulzy! So, in the spirit of our own Anso DF’s Casey Anthony verdict vs. the metal people Twitter roast I present to you…

… THE METAL PEOPLE REMEMBER STEVE JOBS:

Click to read more…

You guys have all seen Wet Hot American Summer, right? Well, remember this scene?

Okay, now read this.

Then close your eyes for a moment and imagine the scene above, only Sergeant D. is the popular girls (it won’t be hard), and Frankie Palmeri is the D&D dork (it won’t be hard).

Got that image in your mind’s eye?

Great. Now check this out:

Click to read more…

Twelve years ago, Limp Bizkit released Significant Other, and an ungodly amount of casual acquaintances and friends of friends told me that I had to check it out. But I saw the video for “Nookie” and immediately knew that, dear heavens no, I most certainly did not have to check it out. And it was bad enough that Limp Bizkit could actually be a make-it-or-break-it point in a friendship; I once knew a millionaire alcoholic who declared my clothes to be “welfare,” but loved Limp Bizkit so much he got a black eye in one of their pits, so I felt pretty confident that anyone who even liked Limp Bizkit was more worthless than the plaque I brushed off my teeth in the morning.

But for the next, oh, I dunno, five years or so — I knew the tide had turned circa Ozzfest ’03, when Lamb of God and Hatebreed were all the rage and Otep was the only nu-metal artist on the whole bill — anytime someone who didn’t really know me would find out that I listened to metal, they would inevitably bring up Limp Bizkit or Korn. Consequently, I beat a lot of people to death with a rusty lead pipe during those years, and am now forced to write under an alias so as to conceal my true identity from the authorities.

So I don’t know what it says about me that I don’t think Gold Cobra deserves an especially harsh beatdown for its sins.

Click to read more…

Metal Hammer and The PRP are both reporting that the below is the new album art for Limp Bizkit’s Gold Cobra, the comeback a recent New York Times poll tells us is anticipated by more people than any event save for Jesus’ rising. At first I thought it was a joke, but, no, it’s on Wikipedia now, too, so it must fo’ reals, as Fred Durst himself might say.

And, well… it’s certainly an improvement over the old album art. And is that a clever allusion to Macbeth I spy?

No, it’s probably just the Kardashian sisters. Common mistake.

So anyway. There. I said something nice about Limp Bizkit kind of! Feeling is healing, y’all.

Gold Cobra comes out June 28 on Interscope, which means I may actually have to do what I promised Vince I’d do like a million years ago and review it. FML.

-AR

I got home from last night’s ridiculously, ludicrously fun Dillinger Escape Plan’s show at The Music Hall of Williamsburg in the wee hours of this morning to find a new Limp Bizkit single, “Shotgun,” in my inbox. (The above cover art was apparently done by Wes Borland. Good to know he’s multi-talented.) And even though I was riding high on the buzz of DEP (and other things) and should have just gone to sleep, I decided, no, let me listen to this right now, and in doing so take my joy out back behind the barn and shoot it dead.

And shoot it dead I dead.

There’s a lot about this song that is just bad in a regular, fairly boring way — like the main riff, which is pretty standard 120 Minutes stuff.

But then there are parts of this song that are so phenomenally terrible as to be truly worthy of the name “Limp Bizkit.”

Click to read more…

In a perfect world, image and looks would not matter in the slightest. But until Sammy Hagar’s alien overlords take over and create utopia, we live in a time where those very things seem to be of the utmost importantance. When it comes to music, it really shouldn’t make a difference how a band looks. The key word here is “music” — they’re not working in a visual medium, so why should image be an issue? Unfortunately, the way a group is visually presented is among their defining factors, which is also reflected in their fans. I might be crudely generalizing, but let’s face it, there is some truth in most stereotypes. I like people watching, especially on music-related occasions. I will observe the people and the musicians and find patterns, because that’s interesting to me. While there will always, always be exceptions to the rule, there are certain trends that will also always be present.

The most obvious is hair.

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Fred Durst has tweeted that Limp Bizkit’s long delayed reunion album/latest attempt to make people wonder if pouring Drano in their ears will make it stop, Gold Cobra, is actually going to be TWO albums.

We don’t know if they’ll be titled Gold Cobra I and Gold Cobra II or just Gold Cobra and something else (Fuzzy Warm Wet Tunnel, perhaps?), but unless neither one of them contains any actual content besides the sounds of Durst, Wes Borland, and the rest of their crew being raked over hot coals, it’s not going to matter what they call it. It will exist. And it will be awful.

This band is going so far out of their way to give me an aneurysm, I imagine they’ll be announcing a tour with Winds of Plague and Emmure any second now. In fact, Vince recently mistook a new WoP song for Limp Bizkit, so, y’know, have all your affairs in order and the cyanide pills at hand for when that inevitably happens.

-AR

[via Metal Insider ]

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

I’m one of those dipshits who has shamefully mumbled, “I kind of liked the first two Korn albums…” in casual conversation. The karmic penalty has been paid frequently over the last 15 years, from the time a 5’1” girl punched me in the dick during “Faget” at the Cleveland Odeon to every time I have to endure someone trumpeting that they were raised on Morrisound death and never listened to that “poser shit.” The latter of which being just so fucking annoying — the first band (or “band”) everyone got into was either a) something nightmarish your folks played every day, like the Eagles, b) some variation of a boy band, or c) GN’R, which is the most realistic best-case scenario.

Anyway, Korn and Limp Bizkit are the focus of an exceptionally well-written ongoing Onion AV Club series called “Whatever Happened to Alternative Nation,” and just seeing that pic of Jonathan Davis and Fred Durst under their umbrella triggers many still-unreconciled memories for perhaps a few of you guys, and quite a few Decibel staffers. Shane Mehling is among the latter — if “All in the Family” were actually available in a karaoke book, I have no doubt that we could perform it without looking at the screen once. He doesn’t just own up to this on the Deciblog, but even serves up a super classy yearbook photo cementing the sickness. Luckily, this paean to idiocy was preceded by Adrien Begrand’s typically sharp/mercifully not novel-length Justify Your Shitty Taste on Iron Maiden’s The X Factor!, a lifetime contender for most disquieting, yet not even close to cool album cover. Shit, it must be 1995 week on our blog, because evidently Chris Dick just let Dez Fafara write 550 words about, uh, redheads.

We’ll end on a much radder note. If you snap up a dB subscription by Monday at 5pm, we’ll throw you a Valentine’s Day boner — an exclusive, downloadable printable Valentine’s Day by the great extreme cover artist Paul Romano (Mastodon, Hate Eternal, Withered, other highly shitty bands, although a plenty of bands are highly shitty compared to those three).

-AB

You can buy the March 2011 issue of Decibel here, or get a full subscription to get down with the sickness each and every month.

BING! Still funny. Amazing.

I was kinda flattered last week when some people said they actually DO read the intros to “Worst Week.” So, uh, thanks for the ego boost!

In addition to Groundhog Day, here are some things we celebrated this week:

• The debut of new music from Scale the Summit and American Heritage.
• The formation of The Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts.
• The announcement of this year’s line-up for The New Engalnd Metal & Hardcore Festival.
• The legacy of 18 Visions.
• The incredible comedic skills of Rush’s Neil Peart.
• The impending return of Beavis and Butt-Head.
• A new Protest the Hero song.
• Academy Award winner Francis Ford Coppola’s declaration that musicians shouldn’t be rich.
• Metal Injection’s Black Metal History Month.
• Dime.

Speaking of celebrating — don’t forget that Vince is DJing at Idle Hands Bar from 7 to 10pm tonight. All the cool kids will be there. You wanna be cool, don’t you?

-AR

Well, this is just fucking amazing. Seriously. I’m not kidding. This just made my day in a way nothing else possibly could. Sometimes, something happens to restore your faith in life. This is one of these times.

Let’s start here… and keep in mind that this is a really real thing:

“The City of Austin is renaming the Solid Waste Services Department to better reflect all of the services the Department provides, including recycling, garbage collection, yard trimmings pick-up, street sweeping, litter abatement and litter control, household hazardous waste disposal, storm debris clean-up, Zero Waste initiatives and community outreach & education.”

Okay, so that’s pretty boring and whatever, right? But here’s where it gets interesting: the city is actually holding a poll, open to the public, to choose a new name for the Solid Waste Services Department. And guess which citizen-selected name is currently winning that poll in a fucking landslide?

Click to read more…

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week, Anso DF suggested the Question of the Week; unfortunately, he did so before Slipknot announced that they’re headlining the Sonisphere Festival this year, so it doesn’t seem quite as relevant anymore. Still, it was a fun question to answer, so:

TO WHAT EXTENT WOULD A SLIPKNOT BREAK-UP BE BAD FOR METAL?

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

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I know what you’re thinking: “Two Limp Bizkit-related stories in as many days! What did we ever do to be so lucky?” What can I say? This entire week has felt like one long hangover.

So. Fred Durst’s feature film directorial debut, a would-be Sundance hit called The Education of Charlie Banks, was a barely-watchable piece of shit that failed to make so much as a dent in public awareness; his second film, the Ice Cube family sports drama The Longshots, tanked at the box office. But Durst gives great head (for dudes… he can’t find the clit so he’s pretty useless for women) and people are stupid, so he’s swindled someone into letting him make another movie. From Noisecreep:

“Durst is also directing his third feature film. The third film is dubbed ‘Pawn Shop Chronicles,’ and it follows a protagonist through a world of skinheads and meth heads thanks to a missing wedding ring. The film is slated to go into production early next year.”

Click to read more…

In 1997 there was this girl that I was really into. I don’t even remember what her name was now, but I remember being very excited when I finally found myself at her place with just the two of us for company.

“Hey, wanna hear something awesome?” she asked me. The correct answer in that situation is obviously “Yes,” and so she walked over to her stereo and hit “play.” And this is what came out of the speakers:

The song ended and I figured out some excuse to leave and I left. Later I wondered if the girl really liked the song (she certainly seemed to) or if she played it knowing it was awful because she couldn’t think of a polite way to reject me, but it’s a moot point: I will never know how my relationship with that girl might have played out, all because she had to go and be the first person ever to introduce me to Limp Bizkit, and, more specifically, Limp Bizkit’s terrible covers.

Click to read more…

Unless you count current metalcore bands with a wiggerish slant (Emmure, Winds of Plague, Acacia Strain, etc.), the genre of nu-metal is all but dead. Once a nearly-unstoppable juggernaut of Kikwear pants, eyebrow piercings, and chinstrap beards, today it is but a dessicated husk, barely clinging to life. At its peak, nu-metal filled the airwaves coast-to-coast, but these days you’re most likely to hear it on a beat up boombox in the corner of a windowless basement printshop or third-rate auto parts store on the outskirts of town.

While the tastes of fickle music consumers may have changed, nu-metal has never sounded better. Many kids these days are too young to have experienced this unique genre the first time around, so I figured I would share some of nu-metal’s best artists that fly a little under the radar of current tastemakers — I’ll skip the big names that we all know (Korn, Kid Rock, Bizkit) and focus on the unsung heroes. And mark my words, you’ll see indie rockers ironically listening to hed(pe) within the next few years!

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To the MetalSucks Maniac known as “Sacajewea,” we would like to say the following: YOU ARE A FUCKING RETARD. It’s incredible how retarded you are, you stupid fucking idiot mongoloid half-wit retard.

We send this message because in October of ’09, Sacajewea left a comment on the very first post we ever wrote, saying he was “Just here to dig up the past;” then he left another comment, just this past June, which read:

“I did it twice. Fuck I’m retarded. If anyone sees this please find me in a recent post and tell me how retarded I am.”

On December 26, 2006 — a date that will live in infamy — we did what professionals call a “soft launch” but we just call “the day we first posted on this blog.” Our slogan was “Smart About Metal,” a play on the slogan for Film Comment magazine.

We had these two stupid South Park caricatures that Axl made at his then-job when he was bored. (Axl forgot until just now that he had a really long goatee in ’06; Vince still had phantom Jew ‘fro, where some days he can feel it, man!) We only posted once or twice a day, throughout the week, pretty much when we had time/interest. We didn’t use tags. We often didn’t post graphics or videos. Our headlines weren’t capitalized. We interviewed members of Stuck Mojo and Twisted Sister, because that’s who we could get interviews with. Believe it or not, we tried to get an interview with God Forbid… and we failed.

Basically, we had no fucking idea what we were doing.

We can’t believe that this is our 10,000th post. We can’t believe we’re still doing this almost four years after we started. We can’t believe that so many of you are reading it. Seriously: WE WERE ONLY FUCKING KIDDING.

So…

Thanks to Kip (who has been here longer than anyone besides Vince and Axl!), Sammy, Gary, Anso, Satan (the MetalSucks contributor and the deity), Sergeant D., Bob, Leyla, Corey, Urbandale, Dave, Matt, Ferris, Dallas, Eyal, Sacha, Paul, Bulb, Arthur, Anton OyVey, Rich Hallford, David Bee Roth, Van Arseface, Mike Pattongill, Angela Gossowski, Joey V., and everyone else who has ever written for us… MetalSucks would not be where it is if not for all of you.

Thanks to everyone in the music industry who has helped us over the years, even as they must have been secretly hoping we would van flip.

And of course, thanks to all the MetalSucks Maniacs, Suckalos, annoying people who can’t use the “search” function, and dudes that have sent us death threats. We can’t tell you how grateful we are that you read our site. Thank you thank you thank you.

Now, with a complete lack of humility, Axl and Vince present their ten favorite MetalSucks posts of all time. Enjoy.

Click to read more…

Holy shit, is it seriously August already? It’s gonna start getting cold soon. Motherfucker. Here’s what we did this week when we should have been enjoying the sunshine and fresh air:

• We’re streaming Dementia/Dyslexia, the Metal Blade debut of Fleshwrought,  a new project from Animosity/Animals as Leaders’ Navene Koperweis and Job for a Cowboy’s Jonny Davy.
• We debuted an EPK for Iron Thrones’ The Wretched Sun.
• We also debuted “Fear, Emptiness, Decibel,” a new column from the editors of our favorite metal rag.
• We had a little beard on beard action with Andy Williams from Every Time I Die and Liam Wilson from The Dillinger Escape Plan. We also spoke to Avenged Sevenfold’s Johnny Christ, The Dillinger Escape Plan’s Jeff Tuttle and Pathology’s Dave Astor.
• We checked out the latest releases from Chimaira and Decrepit Birth.
• We schooled Korn’s Jonathan Davis on the BP Oil Spill.
• We questioned the sincerity of Max Cavalera’s claim that his collaboration with Fred Durst is all Ross Robinson’s fault.
• We questioned Glenn Danzig’s sanity. Again.
• We got pissy that Eddie’s not on the cover of the new Maiden album.
• We got boners watching 72 minutes of pro-shot Gojira footage.
• We did not get boners looking at Emmure noodz.
• We found the best bass player in the history of forever-ever-ever.

We’ll be hanging out at the Summer Slaughter show this Sunday here in NYC; if you spot us, please bring us presents. We like presents. Thanks.

-AR