It’s hard for me to talk smack about Dee Snider, because as far as I can tell, he’s a pretty cool dude.

Unfortunately, being a cool dude doesn’t make you a good filmmaker, and if you ever saw the 1998 horror flick Strangeland, which Snider wrote and co-starred in as the villainous “Captain Howdy” (seriously), you’re probably very aware that Snider is not a good filmmaker. Unless the film has aged incredibly well, which I find hard to believe – it sucked when it was released, so I dunno what twelve years would do for it. The best thing about the movie then, and I suspect now, was the soundtrack, which had a bunch of metal bands on it like Pantera, Megadeth, and, unfortunately, Snot.

I guess Snider’s not giving up the dream of having his own horror franchise, though. Apparently Strangeland spawned a prequel comic (which I somehow missed… oh well), and now C.H.U.D. reports that Snider is making a sequel, Strangeland: Disciple, with a budget of five million dollars.

Who the hell is giving Dee Snider five million dollars to make a sequel to a film no one really seemed to like in the first place? I have no idea, but here’s the plot synopsis:

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The Austerity Program play this Sunday January 31, in Brooklyn at Public Assembly (70 N 6th St) with White Suns, Immanent Voiceless, Daniel Malinsky. You should go, goddammit!!!

I did not get into metal until relatively late in life. My teenage years were spent buying everything that came out on Touch & Go and Amphetamine Reptile. I’d see long-haired wasteoids hanging out in suburban playgrounds and think “Look at those chumps who’ve got it so bad for Reign in Blood while I know that Atomizer is really where it’s at. (Actually, I still pretty much feel this way.) At that point, MetalSucks was not a website, it was a personal belief.

Still, I was not unaware of what the metal kids were up to, even around fourth grade. A few of them that I invited to my birthday that year party chipped in and bought “Shout at the Devil;” since I only had about twelve records at that point, I figured that I’d listen to the record once a day because what else are you going to do? And it kind of freaked my parents out, and that was cool. And it had a pentagram on the cover which I spent a lot of time trying not to look at because I was worried something might happen to me.

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Rocklahoma, the three day hair metal festival that’s taken place in – doy-hickey – Oklahoma the past few years, was really successful in its first two incarnations – so successful that there were rumors of Iron Maiden and Judas Priest headlining the 2008 edition of the fest. But this past summer’s third running of the show was an epic failure, with embarrassingly  low attendance, despite a line-up that included Anthrax, the “they’re so hot right now!” Anvil, Overkill, Twisted Sister, Ratt, and Skid Row.

Now our pal Allyson at Bring Back Glam has posted a press release announcing that AEG live, “the world’s largest producer of music festivals,” has been put in charge of “revamping” the fest for the 2010 version.

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I’ve never seen Rock of Ages, the “Broadway smash!” jukebox musical that incorporates (recycles) old hair metal and hair metal-friendly songs into what Variety tells me is the story of “two people who meet at the Sunset Strip club Rock of Ages, fall in love and try to stay together.” But I’m assuming it’s awful. I mean, on the one hand, if you’re gonna suffer through a Broadway musical, I understand the appeal of said musical at least featuring songs by Poison, Bon Jovi and Twisted Sister; but on the other hand, no I don’t.

ANYWAY, I mention all of this because Variety also tells me that Adam Shankman is going to be directing a feature film version of this show. Shankman presumably landed the job because he directed the movie of the musical of the movie Hairspray and the studio execs in charge needed 110% assurance that whomever they hired would do nothing original or creative whatsoever. He’s also directed such masterpieces as Bringing Down the House (Queen Latifah shows Steve Martin his inner brother), The Pacifier (Vin Diesel wears a tutu), and Cheaper by the Dozen 2.

Christ. They couldn’t even get the dickhead who directed the first Cheaper by the Dozen.

Rock of Ages has given the world one true gift, however – Bret Michaels getting whacked in the head at the Tony Awards:

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Our friend Allyson at Bring Back Glam has been reporting from Rocklahoma all week. She’s obviously a big fan of the event, given that a) she runs a site all about glam and b) she wrote the text for the Rocklahoma coffee table book that came out last year.

But she’s been making (perfectly valid) complaints about this year’s fest for the past ten months, taking issue in particular with this year’s line-up. And as it turns out, she was totally correct: attendance at this summer’s edition of the event was apparently abysmal.

Check out this photo Allyson took of the crowd. This was at dusk; if it was Ozzfest, everyone who skipped the second stage would be starting to pile in right about this time. No such luck for Great White, even though there was absolutely no chance of being burned alive at the outdoor venue:

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I’ve been meaning to mention this for a week. But I can already tell it’s gonna be a slow news day, so now seems like a good time to bring it up.

The lovely ladies at Reign in Blonde discovered that McSweeney’s has has a list of Heavy Metal Board Games. They have also added a few suggestions of their own. Here are a few that tickled me:

• Whitesnakes and Ladders
• Motley Clue
• Twister Sister
• Black Scrabbleth
• Crytopoly
• Dio’s and Dragons

Check out the rest of the list here. And, of course, I’m dying to see if y’all can come with s’more.

And if you really are bored, don’t forget that actually is a Heavy Metal Fun Time Activity Book.

-AR

What do Twisted Sister, Great White, Kix, Nelson, Danger Danger and Anthrax all have in common?

They’re all playing this year’s Rocklahoma Festival.

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The economy’s in the shitter and the sun is setting earlier and earlier every day. Still, there was reason to rejoice this week in the world of metal:

• The members of Twisted Sister are apparently now willing to “take it.”
• We interviewed Dani Filth of Cradle of Filth, Ronny Munroe of Metal Church, and Brian Fair of Overcast / Shadows Fall.
• Dallas raged against the McCain machine (as did the Foo Fighters). You raged against Dallas.
• Crikey! Scar Symmetry hire two new vocalists to take the place of one.
• Scars on Broadway call off their tour; we call bullshit.
• FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. And Fuck.
• Gojira got heavy in every sense of the word.
• Bam Bam Bigelow + Marty Jannetty = ’80s Vinnie Paul.

Sayonara suckers. See you next week.

-VN

A nice Friday afternoon laugh, courtesy of The Onion:

“NEW YORK—In a stunning reversal of their long-stated reluctance to take it, members of heavy-metal band Twisted Sister announced Monday that, after 24 years of fervent refusal, they are now willing to take it. “I acknowledge that we promised not to take it anymore, but things change. The world is a different place today, and with that in mind, we would like to go on record as saying that, starting right now, we are going to take it,” read a statement released by the band’s lead singer, Dee Snider. “To clarify, we would still prefer not to take it, but as of now, taking it is an option that we would be open to. That is all.” Bassist Mark “the Animal” Mendoza also stated that, in regards to what he wants to do with his life, he no longer solely wants to rock, but would instead prefer doing other things, such as raising a family and working as a claims adjuster in Rye, NY.”

-AR

[Thanks to Jesse for the tip]

I know this may be old news by now, but Twisted Sister vocalist Dee Snider has said he wants to do a Broadway musical based on the band’s holiday album, A Twisted Christmas. While I’m sure Sebastian Bach is very excited that he may get to return to the stage soon to give us another winning performance, I’m not entirely convinced that this musical will ever really come to pass; just this morning, Variety did a story about investors feeling kinda wary of giving money to the Great White Way in light of the current economy, and I don’t know that the lure of TS is strong enough in 2008 to put dollar signs in anyone’s eyes.

So, for now, just try to imagine this on a Broadway stage:

Well… it can’t be any worse than Strangeland… can it?

-AR

Last night I heard the “new” Vader album, XXV, for the first time. In case you’re not hip to this release, it’s the Polish death metal masters’ 25th anniversary album, and is basically a greatest hits compilation – except that all the songs have been re-recorded with the band’s current line-up. Which, naturally, means that late drummer Krzysztof “Doc” Raczkowski appears nowhere on the album (or, at least, not in the audio content – I still don’t have a copy of the DVD which will accompany the disc’s release).

Of course, Vader aren’t the first band to embark upon such an endeavor. Living Colour, Twisted Sister, and even The Sex Pistols have all re-recorded some of their old songs for purpose of being able to license them without having to share the wealth with their former record labels, which is a brutal, and brutally honest, reason to re-visit your old catalogue. Dave Mustaine re-recorded “A Tout Le Monde” as a duet with Cristina Scabbia just last year; Anthrax re-recorded a bunch of old Joey Belladonna tunes with John Bush for their Greater of Two Evils* collection; hell, Dimmu Borgir re-recorded their entire album Stormblast because they were so unhappy with the original, and as I understand it, it’s only by the grace of God that we don’t have Appetite for Destruction 2000, featuring Axl Rose’s “revamped” GN’R in place of the original (although a half of a re-recorded “Sweet Child O’Mine” does roll over the closing credits of the Adam Sandler vehicle Big Daddy).

What, one has to wonder, is the point of re-recording all the band’s old songs?

Click to read more…

Democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama has definitely captured the Internet fervor of the young folks in America… and apparently Twisted Sister guitarist Jay Jay French as well. Below, French’s video tribute to (hopefully) the next President of the United States, sung to the tune of the classic TS song “I Wanna Rock.”

Obama’s supporters are certainly a more ambitious and creative bunch than Hillary’s, but this seals the deal; Obama is the most metal candidate. Pair it up against Hillary’s campaign theme song by Matchbox 20… Yawn.

-VN

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